Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Related: The 50 most entertaining celebrities to follow on Twitter.
Jesus loves famous people best
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 21, 2014
Lock your doors tonight, the Easter bunny may come back for sloppy seconds.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) April 21, 2014
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) April 21, 2014
It's an accepted fact that hotdogs contain insects and rodent hair, but Kraft is recalling 96,000 lbs. because they have cheese in them.
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) April 21, 2014
But what’s in the cheese?
Why doesn't anyone ever wish for ANOTHER genie lamp. Technically that's not "more wishes."
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) April 21, 2014
Also a legit question.
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) April 21, 2014
I don’t even…
Males must cease sex
— Roseanne Barr (@therealroseanne) April 21, 2014
With you? Not a problem.
Camped out at CVS so I can beat the rush for half-priced Peeps.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) April 21, 2014
Controversial opinion: adults should not use the word "bummer.
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 21, 2014
Hellooooo Hollywood!!!! I'm here and I have been drinking!!!! Bitch…
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) April 21, 2014
If I could get an animal to do something spontaneous and heart warming in front of a couple 69'ing I could rule the Internet.
— Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) April 22, 2014
We all need goals in life.
Didn't the kid who hid in wheel well of plane think in advance "What about oxygen? Or freezing temperatures? Or Instagram updates?"
— Emile Hirsch (@EmileHirsch) April 22, 2014
That would have been the ultimate selfie.
I get sooo excited when I see that Chris Brown is trending on Twitter because I hope it means some woman kicked his ass.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) April 22, 2014
One can always hope.
i swear to god my dick is getting smaller
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) April 22, 2014
This man is not lacking in confidence.
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) April 23, 2014
Peeps dick. He’s joking, right?
Multitasking a duck face and a mirror selfie pic.twitter.com/7qt1cQic3W
— Anastasia Ashley (@AnastasiaAshley) April 23, 2014
Best multitasking ever.
— Letterman (@Letterman) April 23, 2014
If you come home after a night out and don't eat at least three snack crackers before bed then I don't want to know you.
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) April 23, 2014
That Windows ad where the woman admits that "I'm the boss" followed by the lyrics "I want to see you be brave" isn't at all patronizing
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 23, 2014
But the song is so cool.
Happy birthday, William Shakespeare! If you were alive today, you’d be terrifying.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) April 23, 2014
AOL email accounts have been hacked, severely compromising our nation's supply of heartwarming forwards from our grandmothers!
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) April 23, 2014
Those hackers…such animals.
We're already a pretty dumb society. Having us say 'framily' can't possible be helping.
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) April 23, 2014
But how did they combine the words?
Everyone should just post a pic of their butthole online right now so no one can ever shame/blackmail anyone in the future.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 23, 2014
You mean everyone hasn’t already?
See you there! RT @Alyssa_Milano: Doing a cover shoot for Fit Pregnancy today! Woot!
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 23, 2014
Now that’s funny.
Ive always considered myself a WWE fan first and foremost but Im completely confused Y some fans cant differentiate between SHOW and REALITY
— Dave Bautista (@DaveBautista) April 23, 2014
Umm, Dave? Have you met most wrestling fans?
The Canadian middle class is now earning more than the American middle class. What hurts even more is that they're being so modest about it!
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) April 23, 2014
Stupid polite Canadians.
I just saw Under The Skin. FANTASTIC film but I will NOT be getting in any unmarked vans with Scarlett Johansson ever again. Done with it.
— josh groban (@joshgroban) April 24, 2014
I’m still down.
Wait a minute, nice guys even finish at all?
— Emile Hirsch (@EmileHirsch) April 24, 2014
I love being able to talk to my mom everyday. #noihavenotbeenhacked
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) April 24, 2014
Getting ready to hit the airport blasting Migos in my headphones with a fleshlight in my carry on.
— Hannibal Buress (@hannibalburess) April 24, 2014
Bet he isn’t the only one.
I like to think of myself less like "an adult" and more like a "former fetus."
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) April 24, 2014
Solid way of thinking.
Chick at gym asking for my number, im at least 10 years older than you, grow up …and find me on Craigs List LIKE AN ADULT
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) April 24, 2014
Girls these days…
All your of your Instagram pics of food might explain why you're skinnier in your Throwback Thursday pictures.
— Jamie Kennedy (@JamieKennedy) April 24, 2014
Food for thought.
When you put on those flip flops and sweatpants for travel think of others and what they have to look at.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) April 25, 2014
Excellent travel tip.
— Jim Ross (@JRsBBQ) April 25, 2014
Some day, Jim, some day.
what's going on in the lakers game!? i don't have espn classic.
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) April 25, 2014
I drank too much coffee today. Whiskey is a good way to counteract that, right?
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) April 25, 2014
happy birthday to the Mushroom tits Barbara Streisand #sheikmovie
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) April 24, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!
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