Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Want to play along at home? The 50 most entertaining celebrities to follow on Twitter.
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Hey tweeters, make room for Downey!
— Robert Downey Jr (@RobertDowneyJr) April 12, 2014
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Welcome aboard, sir!
going to try and sleep like a vampire to keep my hair and makeup intact for an AM meeting
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 14, 2014
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John must not be home?
Pro wrestling villains must have rules to break. What're moves are illegal? Fewer & fewer. That fine gray line between goid/evil is a joke.
— Jim Ross (@JRsBBQ) April 14, 2014
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Is someone getting cranky in retirement?
Shout out to everyone at Coachella who has to pee right now
— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) April 14, 2014
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448 RT’s. So did they all have to pee?
Can't decide which characters are the most shocking on Sunday night television, the cast of 'Game Of Thrones' or Lindsay Lohan on OWN.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) April 14, 2014
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Like it’s even close.
I've been eating cereal for a solid 22 years or so, and I still have trouble guesstimating the right amount of milk to put in the bowl..
— Jena Sims (@jenamsims) April 14, 2014
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And you always will. Why is that?
I've never fainted from embarrassment or fear-vomited. Am I doomed to never experience true passion?
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) April 14, 2014
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Yes.
No one's talking about the real question: How do you bake live doves into a pie? #GameOfThrones
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) April 14, 2014
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That is the real question.
Does my penis have to remain flaccid/unleavened till Passover is over as well? Asking for a friend.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) April 14, 2014
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Yes, I believe that is the rule.
Would in be expensive to convert my bathroom into a Taco Bell? @TacoBell thoughts?
— Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) April 14, 2014
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It would save you a trip.
Based on twitter today @USAirways & @VirginAmerica will never merge
— Doug Gottlieb (@GottliebShow) April 14, 2014
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Here we go!
Sorry @USAirways I thought that was a DM #mybad
— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) April 14, 2014
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Zing!
relax guys,
it's not like they missed the landing strip
#usairways
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) April 14, 2014
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Rimshot!
Sucks that the US Airways tweet happened AFTER they handed out the Pulitzers.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) April 14, 2014
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It just went on and on…
FUCK THE Mother Nature
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) April 15, 2014
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Maybe that’s what she needs to get out of this shitty mood.
If I were murdered at home there would be atleast one Triscuit box in the crime scene photos.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) April 15, 2014
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Could be worse.
Watching last night's Mad Men. I'm filled rage that TV is peddling the fantasy that interesting attractive people sit next to us on planes.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) April 15, 2014
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Never happens in real life.
Moon Bloodgood is probably getting a lot of texts #bloodmoon
— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) April 15, 2014
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And if not, we failed as a society.
Can everyone shut the fuck up about coachella. It's like none of you have ever seen a band before
— jim jefferies (@jimjefferies) April 15, 2014
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Now get off his damn lawn!
What's more precious? A baby born five weeks too early or a celebrity just getting on Twitter?
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) April 16, 2014
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They’re both very cute.
threesomes are pretty cool
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) April 16, 2014
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Spoken by a guy who would know.
You know what's fun? Getting a ticket for talking on the phone while driving when I WAS EATING A BAGEL! Can't believe it.
— Emma Roberts (@RobertsEmma) April 16, 2014
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Wait, was she doing all of these at the same time? Impressive.
Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for me.
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) April 16, 2014
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Hey, that’s my motto!
Hey blue Cross, if ur shit is not for sale, take it off the website. My mother runs a tighter garage sale than this maze of moronica.
— Kathleen Madigan (@kathleenmadigan) April 16, 2014
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She forgot #ThanksObama.
Why does every 2 year old boy look like he's just been in a bar fight?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) April 16, 2014
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Because they can’t hold their liquor.
"People who order anything other than drip coffee when there's a line at Starbucks suck my dirty balls." – Jesus in the Bible
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 16, 2014
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I believe that is in the book of Leviticus.
I just saw DIVERGENT. If you like hair flipping, you'll love it.
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) April 17, 2014
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That should be on their movie posters.
When Customs asks me if I have anything to declare, I'm going to say I still want to lick Kate Moss's boobs.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) April 17, 2014
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Probably not the first person to visit England to say that.
Thought it would be funny to put Truck Nutz on my Fiat but they tipped it over. : (
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 17, 2014
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Don’t mess around with Truck Nutz.
Why don't more people ride the grocery cart through the parking lot?
— Kari Byron (@KariByron) April 17, 2014
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Solid question.
Miley Cyrus demanded privacy during her illness shortly after posting selfies from her hospital bed. The irony came in like a wrecking ball!
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) April 17, 2014
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Miley’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Don't pack the headbands & feathers up just yet! You guys, there is ANOTHER WEEKEND of Coachella tweets and instagrams coming our way.
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) April 17, 2014
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Oh God…
Thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. #BostonStrong RT @KimKardashian: one day trip to Paris has me sweeeeeepy!
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) April 18, 2014
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Yes, persevere, Kim.
Great Show tonite. So happy ,I'm Gonna Jack it out in record time. Than I'm gonna eat some Turkey.
— Andrew Dice Clay (@TheRealDiceClay) April 18, 2014
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I, uh, … what?.
Miley Cyrus = Toothpick tits
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) April 16, 2014
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Have a great weekend, everybody!