Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
you should get your money back if you fall asleep during a massage but you should also tip very well
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 10, 2014
Or just pay and don’t tip?
I'm still not upset about John Travolta mispronouncing someone's name at that awards show for pretending.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 10, 2014
Don’t worry, it’ll come.
Sbarro goes bankrupt — Panda Express has gotta be looking over its shoulder
— Michele Steele (@ESPNMichele) March 10, 2014
Bite your tongue.
The first website you go to in the morning tells me everything I need to know about you
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) March 10, 2014
She has a point.
Remember kids, if you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing. Have a great day!
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) March 10, 2014
He also has a point.
OMG whats robin thickes wife sitch? Im serious u guys, what more can he do, besides publicly pleading at concerts to fans?
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) March 10, 2014
Uh, not sleep with other women?
Kim Jong-Un won again! The guy's amazing. He's the Michael Phelps of politics.
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) March 10, 2014
He really is on quite a roll.
I kept on truckin’. Now what?
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) March 10, 2014
Ummm, hmmm. No idea.
Has anyone checked Lindsay Lohan's storage spaces for the missing Malaysian airline plane?
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) March 10, 2014
Couldn’t hurt to check.
first of all… i wanna admit something… I've been watching @BachelorABC this season.
— Nina Agdal (@NinaAgdal) March 11, 2014
The first step in recovery is admitting it.
I dont know whos dumber. The bachelor, or the girl he picked that he doesnt really like #TheBachelor
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) March 11, 2014
I think they’re all equally as dumb.
Ill be the new bachelor. Ill straighten this shit up. This is redick
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) March 11, 2014
Now that I would watch.
I missed #TheBachelorFinale. Did they reveal The Yellow King?
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 11, 2014
Uh, sure, yes they did, Patton.
didn't see #TheBachelorFinale , and don't watch the show, but I'm assuming winner was yet again the one who'd do butt stuff, right?
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 11, 2014
Enders Game playing on my flight. Although I didn't watch closely, I've never seen more scenes of people looking out of plate glass windows.
— Rob Lowe (@RobLowe) March 11, 2014
Palin needs to shut the fuck up about Russia and Obama's mom jeans. A week ago she thought Crimea was one of the real housewives of Atlanta
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) March 11, 2014
He’s not joking.
From a fan. The kid gets an A in my book. pic.twitter.com/DBZ9kcij7e
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) March 11, 2014
What else would he have written for that photo?
BREAKING NEWS: We don't know where a Boeing 777 jet carrying 239 people is, but we DO know Kim Kardashian went to SoulCycle in full make-up
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) March 11, 2014
At least we all have our news priorities right.
— Jim Ross (@JRsBBQ) March 12, 2014
He had me until “no nudes.”
Modeling has many perks (how I met my husband, the travel and ppl) but the seemingly endless supply bobby pins is why i just can't leave
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 12, 2014
Bobby pins are important.
Malaysians just admitted they need help reading radar. Well then by all means, keep flying. Radar smahdar. Wheels up n let's try!
— Kathleen Madigan (@kathleenmadigan) March 12, 2014
That’s right. Wheels up, baby.
footage of Obama shopping at the Gap got me pregnant
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) March 12, 2014
I don’t even know what that means, nor do I want to.
Does Apple create Software Updates just to piss us off? If so, they’ve succeeded! #UGH
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) March 13, 2014
Honestly, I think that they do.
Can't wait for the first vape-sponsored Super Bowl
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 13, 2014
Don’t worry, it’s coming.
I don't understand adult movies where girls wear high heels in the shower. 1st off it is a safety hazard. 2nd… It looks fucking dumb
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) March 13, 2014
Take it from one who knows.
Love is a smoke and is made with the fume of sighs. Send a dick pic.
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) March 13, 2014
Someone responded with a photo of Piers Morgan.
Halle Berry is getting a divorce?
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) March 13, 2014
You can LITERALLY see the wheels turning in his head.
— William Shatner (@WilliamShatner) March 14, 2014
He’s not nearly as hip as you, Bill.
We're off the air for a week, so I'll see you all in 5 days! 8 days? Ugh, still can't figure out Daylight Savings.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 14, 2014
Seriously, what time is it?
I've finally accepted the fact that I'm not supposed to know the difference between Chris Pine and Chris Evans
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) March 14, 2014
No one does so it’s definitely okay.
So my 3yr old just told me to stop talking or my throat will fall off !!!
— Abbey Clancy (@OfficialClancy) March 14, 2014
Totally using that line sometime.
Never forget You have the sex because you have the balls
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) March 12, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!
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