Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Wow #BreakingBad I thank you for one hell of a show
— Jenn Brown (@JennBrown) September 30, 2013
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Said millions.
Breaking Bad is an even better show when you're actually on meth
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) September 30, 2013
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Probably true.
Sick rerun of 'Friends' tonight. Chandler and Monica, yo. Too bad y'all missed it watching the dad from 'Malcom in the Middle' make meth.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 30, 2013
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Friends rocks.
Feel like Aqib Talib would get you a ton of scrabble points too
— Michele Steele (@ESPNMichele) September 30, 2013
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Too many vowels.
"blouse – 450 dollars. pants – 600 dollars. socks – 350 dollars. jacket – 1000 dollars" – hotel drycleaning charges, basically
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 30, 2013
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She’s not joking.
What the fuck is a klout score?
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) September 30, 2013
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You don’t want to know.
brb – the US government
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) October 1, 2013
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will Chipotle still be open?
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) October 1, 2013
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It better be.
Well, time to loot the Smithsonian. I choose to walk towards an uncertain future wearing Lincoln's hat and Fonzie's jacket.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) October 1, 2013
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I have dibs on Lindbergh’s plane.
I don't feel different #governmentshutdown
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) October 1, 2013
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Just wait.
If this fucks up my $10 co-pay birth control pills there will be some serious bodies piling up.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) October 1, 2013
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Said millions.
Wow, congress isn’t taking the end of “Breaking Bad” very well at all.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 1, 2013
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We should have seen this coming.
We don't have to pay any taxes during this right?
— Jake Johannsen (@Jakethis) October 1, 2013
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No.
Nothing is more relaxing than swallowing birth control with wine.
— Megan Ganz (@meganganz) October 1, 2013
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Yes! Another birth control joke!
Ugh. My kids are acting like House Republicans again.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) October 1, 2013
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Maybe they need a time out too.
Important to note that I am equally excited for Soxtober. Though most excited about adding prefixes to "tober."
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) October 1, 2013
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Everything is better with -tober added on to it.
It’s October, so I need everything I eat and drink to taste like fucking pumpkin now. Don’t let me down, Starbucks.
— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) October 1, 2013
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He also is not joking.
Every public restroom should have an emergency Batman costume so people don't ask why you've been in there for 20 minutes.
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) October 1, 2013
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I like this idea.
no government means no FCC. tonight's new #tosh will be extra spicy.
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) October 1, 2013
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Where’s Janet Jackson when you need her?
With the shutdown, does anybody know the status of women's Olympic beach volleyball practice?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) October 1, 2013
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This is important, people.
I know everyone is focused on the govt shutdown right now & that's important but guys let's not forget about butts
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) October 1, 2013
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Also important.
When performing on stage, in the bedroom or in the back seat of a trick's car, never remove your wig or high heels
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) October 2, 2013
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Words to live by.
Remember, if you don't put pumpkins, albino squash and oddly-colored ears of corn by your front door this Fall, the terrorists win.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 2, 2013
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Don’t let that happen, folks.
I fully expect Tom Clancy to shoot an RPG out of the asshole of the Soviet killbot that just consumed him & fix our government with fire.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 2, 2013
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You’re not alone, Rob.
Hell has reaaalllly slow WiFi. Heaven has no WiFi.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) October 2, 2013
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I want to go to Heaven.
Uh, just caught the latest Britney track, Work Biyatch. Is it just me, or does that song sound a little familiar? @heidimontag
— Spencer Pratt (@spencerpratt) October 2, 2013
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Oh my.
Retweet if you want this #shutdown to end.
— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) October 2, 2013
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Troll so hard.
Psyched that Britney Spears has figured out the key to lookin' great in her videos is 2 put gags in models' mouths & generally degrade women
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) October 2, 2013
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She is quite the role model.
I weight myself every morning. But after I shit. #imnofool
— jim jefferies (@jimjefferies) October 3, 2013
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Note to self.
My life is a constant series of 10% battery warnings.
— Paulina Gretzky (@PaulinaGretzky) October 3, 2013
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You and me both, sister.
Ahh – Autumn. Football, baseball, hockey and hoops all at the same time. Or as I like to call it: The Porn Hiatus.
— Denis Leary (@denisleary) October 3, 2013
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Wow, he calls it that too!
Just because it's preceded by "sneak" doesn't make it "peak" #Iamslowlybeingdriveninsane
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) October 3, 2013
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P-E-E-K, people.
I’d rather have Casey Anthony babysit my child than leave my daughter with Terry Richardson.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) October 3, 2013
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Hard to argue with that.
I bet Jesus didn't eat healthy.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 4, 2013
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Probably crash dieted a lot.
Aim for the middle. Keep it real. #fridaywisdom
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) October 4, 2013
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Solid advice on a Friday.
When you wish upon a star you're actually a few million years to late. That particular star is likely dead. Just like your dreams.
— Jamie Kennedy (@JamieKennedy) October 1, 2013
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Have a great weekend, folks!