Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
My tits are so massive that they get in the way on twitter…. Who can relate?
— Kylie Jenner (@KylieJenner) September 9, 2013
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Wait, what?
“Wouldn’t it be cute if we bought some vegetables and convinced ourselves they actually tasted different.” –Eveyone in a farmer’s market
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) September 9, 2013
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100% true.
Already see myself locked in a room playing the new Grand Theft Auto for days on end. Showers optional.
— Adam Levine (@adamlevine) September 9, 2013
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You and about a million other people.
Do people really think Eminem is 'freaked out by live television?' #nochance #trolled #illneversaytrollagain
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) September 9, 2013
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Best use of #trolled hashtag this week.
I don't trust people who look perfectly put together before 9:30 am
— Alexandria Morgan (@AlexandriaMorgz) September 9, 2013
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Nor should you.
Why was this such a great weekend? Because we got football on Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday – and there are still 2 games to go
— Rachel Nichols (@Rachel__Nichols) September 9, 2013
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Best weekend of the year?
There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path as though it was a motherf%king runway, darling
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) September 9, 2013
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Preach on, Ru.
Dennis Rodman is mentioned in two of the top headlines on CNN's website and I'm pretty sure he can't read.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 9, 2013
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The Most Trusted Name in News.
Just walked in on my uncle “taking a selfie” 🙁
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) September 9, 2013
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Now that is a bad day.
"Making out with a sledgehammer? That's nothing" said the girls in "spring breakers" whose names I forget
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 9, 2013
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Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, and some other girls I forget.
When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead. It is only difficult for others. It is the same when you are stupid.
— Jamie Kennedy (@JamieKennedy) September 9, 2013
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Nailed it.
Just Dancing for @guyism http://t.co/SeGE4XWecy x
— April Summers (@april_summerz) September 9, 2013
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Thank you, April. Thank you, very much.
I always give money to the homeless as long as they promise not to spend it on a Katherine Heigl movie.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) September 9, 2013
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Worse than drugs.
I'm back! #backisbeautiful #AList pic.twitter.com/avlsOs4stg
— Arsenio Hall (@ArsenioHall) September 9, 2013
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Amazing.
if it makes you feel any better, I would have believed it too #twerkburn
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) September 10, 2013
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Fooled us all.
As sad as I'll be when Britney Spears one day passes away, I'll be relieved she'll finally be able to stop sucking in her fucking stomach
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) September 10, 2013
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She’ll be relieved as well.
For efficiency, let's group all the important news stories together with a #MileySyrius hash tag.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) September 10, 2013
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It really would make things easier.
Suh hit deemed too low, innumerable other judged too high. The tackling etiquette in the NFL now more stringent than copping a feel in 1957.
— Dennis Miller Show (@DennisDMZ) September 10, 2013
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It really is.
I miss having to race to pee or make a snack during a show's commercial break. Those were good times.
— brit marling (@britmarling) September 11, 2013
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Ah, the good old days.
Can someone eventually explain what the hell Popeye the sailorman has to do with fried chicken?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) September 11, 2013
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No joke, what’s up with that anyway?
Hi everybody. If its okay to tap somebody on the back while they're outside running, with headphones blasting…it's okay to punch your face
— CM Punk (@CMPunk) September 11, 2013
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Don’t disagree.
If you have to use the word jelly to describe your feelings of envy toward another person then your feelings shouldn't be taken into account
— Kayden Kross (@Kayden_Kross) September 11, 2013
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Solid policy.
The last time "Rex" did someone as brusquely as Ryan did Sanchez was the Thunder Lizard eating the lawyer in the PortaJohn in Jurassic Park.
— Dennis Miller Show (@DennisDMZ) September 12, 2013
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Now there is an analogy.
The guy next to me at the airport forgot he was in public and just did a full on, inside the pants, package adjust.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) September 12, 2013
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I was well aware I was in public.
If you google “how long does” the first suggestion is “molly last” and the fifth is “pink eye last.” Hi America.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) September 12, 2013
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Sigh.
@chrissyteigen You're the ambassador for all of our nipples. #Nipples #ItGetsBetter #ErinBrockovichOfNipples #Kony
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 12, 2013
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Chrissy Teigen, breaking down nipple barriers for all.
Man, time flies. It's already the 12th anniversary of "Too Soon Day."
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 12, 2013
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I love Too Soon Day.
Funny or Die is not funny and it should die.
— Roseanne Barr (@TheRealRoseanne) September 12, 2013
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Apparently she’s not a fan.
Thanks, Pats-Jets. 3 hours I'll never get back.
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) September 13, 2013
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Seriously.