Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
"See you in the morning. Please remember to wear/bring undies and a bra- both are important." –a text I just got from someone I work with
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) January 6, 2014
That’s true. They are important.
If you put ™ after your twitter name or have a KIK link in your bio you pretty much qualify for textbook douche
— Alexandria Morgan (@AlexandriaMorgz) January 6, 2014
Heads up, fellas.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) January 6, 2014
No she doesn’t.
Phillip Rivers is gonna be a media star when his career is over. He's gonna be the good-old-boy Barkley.
— Jason Whitlock (@WhitlockJason) January 6, 2014
Only way less funny.
Why is january always so boring?
— Jordan Carver (@jordancarver) January 6, 2014
Go outside for a few seconds.
The worst way to hit on me is calling me " so cute" what am I an infant? A puppy?!! Dont call me cute, ever !
— Abigail Ratchford (@AbiRatchford) January 6, 2014
Another heads up, guys.
Today I'm taking it easy to save my energy for tomorrow when I also take it easy.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 6, 2014
The NFL rule requiring players to speak to the media is almost as dumb as the Pro Bowl. Almost. @MoneyLynch —speak Italian
— Kenny Mayne (@Kenny_Mayne) January 6, 2014
Oh, c’mon, it’s not that dumb.
ESPN spends endless hours on the Texas coaching search. Charlie Strong's presser starts. And they quickly pull out to go to Tim Tebow. Wow.
— Richard Deitsch (@richarddeitsch) January 6, 2014
Back to school. Holy crap, that was long.
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) January 6, 2014
Dear Twitter: The only reason for "Nancy Grace" to be trending is if she's dead. VERY let down right now.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 6, 2014
He said it.
Ok winter I get it. I’m a pussy.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 6, 2014
Yes, you have made your point.
sweet the team I randomly chose with zero knowledge or fucks given is gonna win
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 7, 2014
This could have applied to probably 75% of the BCS viewing audience.
Pro Bowl will have to step it up to match excitement of this game
— Kenny Mayne (@Kenny_Mayne) January 7, 2014
Kenny really dislikes the Pro Bowl.
Sebastian Janokowski could kick a 40 year old FG with that trophy #hoagie
— John Buccigross (@Buccigross) January 7, 2014
I like the FSU tie-in there.
Don't believe the marijuana threat is real? Then why did I develop glaucoma the same day they announced medicinal marijuana in New York?
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) January 7, 2014
Nature, please create more days where it's actually considered unsafe to go outside and do stuff. It cuts down on my need for excuses.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 7, 2014
I guess being minus-40 degrees does have its benefits.
WHAT THE FUCK THE CHICAGO YOU TRADE THE DENG FOR THAT COCKSUCKER GRASSHOPPER MIDGET BALLS ANDREW BYNUM?? HE WORSE THAN 5000 DEAD DOGS
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) January 7, 2014
Either he’s a Bulls fan or just really hates Andrew Bynum.
If we all stand very still, dennis rodman will leave
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 7, 2014
Let’s all try it now.
The only people excited for the 'Entourage' movie are those guys who go up to girls at parties and ask why they're not smiling.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 7, 2014
You’re not one of those guys, are you?
I know the Winter Olympics are getting close by the continually increasing amount of interview requests I get each day… about Shaun White.
— Tony Hawk (@tonyhawk) January 7, 2014
Do they ask about his hair? I bet they do.
I really just don't understand the point of GIFs. #weirdtechnology
— MichelleTrachtenberg (@RealMichelleT) January 7, 2014
Fire alarms save you from fires by beeping for no fucking reason till you kill yourself & don't die in a fire.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) January 8, 2014
That’s why they’re required in every home.
The worst part about dating a model is how they're always shitting their pants.
— DC (@DaneCook) January 8, 2014
I did not know that.
Catching a cold is your body's way of saying "Bitch, U betta sit yo ass down"
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) January 8, 2014
Health tips from Ru.
This year, take the stress out of Valentine's Day shopping by breaking up in January. (sponsored tweet)
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) January 8, 2014
Solid relationship advice.
Fun Fact: Greco-Roman wrestling is also fake.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) January 8, 2014
I was not aware of that.
I propose all the Baseball HOF candidates compete in a Hunger Games-style competition. The last person alive is a unanimous selection.
— Richard Deitsch (@richarddeitsch) January 8, 2014
Coming in 2024!
.@dennisrodman be honest, how stoked were you and your bro Kim at the announcement of the new Entourage movie?
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) January 8, 2014
Stoked. Totally stoked, bro.
On a plane. There are no pilots on the plane. Apparently, this is a problem. I offered to take a shot at it but they said "no."
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) January 8, 2014
Did you tell them you’re a professional punter?
You could have added all of Bonds & Clemens votes together. & they still would have fell short
— Pete Rose (@PeteRose_14) January 8, 2014
Can we just start the Baseball Hall of Fame over?
Why did they name the only super hero created on PEDs captain America. Hmmmmmmm
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 9, 2014
Keep trying, Jose.
I don't care that Steve Smith is mad at Ric Flair for seeing the 49ers last week, I care that Steve Smith has a Ric Flair robe and I don't
— Jason Dufner (@JasonDufner) January 9, 2014
Seriously, I want one too.
100% chance of rain for Saints/Seahawks..another weekend of the lastest fashions from your local camping store…#wetdoglook
— Erin Andrews (@ErinAndrews) January 9, 2014
I find it outrageous & inexcusable when I meet a paper towel dispenser where I actually have to turn or push something to get paper.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) January 9, 2014
Seriously. What’s up with that?
Hopefully, Dan Le Batard is the first in a very large group of underqualified voters the BBWAA pares from its rolls. We're talking hundreds.
— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) January 9, 2014
There is nothing pathetic about crouching over ur computer in ur underwear trying to gain the approval of strangers over the internet. PL RT
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 10, 2014
Now there’s a mental image.
There's nothing worse than losing a parent or an iPhone.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 9, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!
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