Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Checking luggage is like how I imagine childbirth to be. You do it, it sucks, takes forever to come out, you forget, you do it again.
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) August 19, 2013
Yes, it’s exactly like that.
Ryan Dempster not nice to A Rod…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) August 19, 2013
He was just doing what we all wanted to do.
So manager backs up player who accused him of sabotaging his career for management he's filed grievance against while hitting HR for? Right?
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) August 19, 2013
That’s pretty much it in a nutshell.
A-Rod, Jesus Christ & Lady Gaga now trending 1,2,3 in LA right now. #Monday
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) August 19, 2013
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) August 19, 2013
i am here for you @MLB
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) August 19, 2013
He’s being serious, isn’t he?
The falling out between Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton is about as exciting as talking to a toddler on the phone.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 19, 2013
Wrong, it’s way worse.
A supercut of the best movie supercutsTHEN THE UNIVERSE COLLAPSES.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 20, 2013
Someone try this.
I'm sorry my twitter is not working here in ibiza only sometimes if I get a connection! Miss u all!
— Tara Reid (@TaraReid) August 20, 2013
Nice humblebrag, but you’re still not on the A-List.
Dear parents that I meet, I know that sigh, and before you even say it, I'm very very sorry that your child won't stop doing Cups.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) August 20, 2013
Couple glasses of champagne and heading to @Physique57. I am nailing this housewife shit
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 20, 2013
Meet Peg Teigen.
I've had it with Santa! "Boo hoo, the children don't believe in me!" What does that have to do w/ anything? Shut up & work, you pussy!
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 20, 2013
Seriously, stop the whining, Nick.
Is Dempster the first ever player to be suspended for hitting a suspended player? #SuspendDisbelief
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) August 20, 2013
I love to sit at the cafe and play the game of "Homeless or Hipster?" with passerby's.
— Bree Olson (@BreeOlson) August 20, 2013
The trick is determining when someone is actually both.
A small but persistent part of me still fervently believes a person's worth is measured by his ability to solve the Rubiks cube.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) August 20, 2013
You’re probably not alone in that feeling, Michael.
Nope. RT @LAmaleCA DONT WE HAVE ENOUGH PILL POPPING DRUG ADDICT CELEBS WITHOUT YOU PROMOTING XANAX TO FANS AND YOUNG VIEWERS?
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 21, 2013
I TOO LIKE TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS!
I think I just fracked a toilet?
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) August 21, 2013
Watch out for the protesters.
Netflix knows me better than my wife. :(
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) August 21, 2013
Again, you’re probably not alone in that feeling, Michael.
Witnessed a girl get hit on 5 times in 2 min. She handled each guy like a politician. I’m rarely impressed. Bet she carries hand sanitizer.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) August 21, 2013
Does she want to run for office?
If you don't agree with anything I say, tweet me all about it, and don't forget to insult my intelligence and motivations.
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) August 21, 2013
Duly noted you stupid, incompetent jerk.
I have always got time to try on some sweet tights
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 21, 2013
Lindsay Lohan is having a mid-crisis life.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 22, 2013
It’s not easy being LiLo.
— Kelly Osbourne (@KellyOsbourne) August 22, 2013
Bed: A magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) August 22, 2013
Taylor Swift seems like the kind of girlfriend who asks "What are you thinking about?" and "What's wrong?" on a regular basis.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 22, 2013
You know that’s true.
My wife claims watching me do karate "isn't foreplay." Why am I even alive.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) August 22, 2013
Ultimate euphoria: waking up and realizing you DIDN'T send that text.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) August 22, 2013
We’ve been there, sister.
I’d react to Ben Affleck getting an acting role but I’m still recovering from Beyonce’s haircut.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 23, 2013
It really was jarring, wasn’t it?
Oh man, I hope the next movie's gonna be "Batman vs. Daredevil"! All Affleck all the time!!!
— Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) August 23, 2013
I want more like this!
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