Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
I very often get the Space Jam song stuck in my head for no reason. #rightnow
— Katrina Bowden (@KatrinaKBowden) December 2, 2013
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Why does that make her seem cooler?
I'm more excited for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show than Christmas
— Alexandria Morgan (@AlexandriaMorgz) December 2, 2013
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Who isn’t?
Why haven't I made stuffing and cranberry sauce on a regular day and not just thanksgiving?
— ireland (@IrelandBBaldwin) December 2, 2013
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That is a solid question right there.
You know you're disgusting when you type something in the YouPorn search engine and it comes up: No Results
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 2, 2013
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So true.
Just so you guys know, i'm keeping every Amazon drone that comes to my home.
— Tom Crabtree (@itsCrab) December 2, 2013
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Again, who isn’t?
In an effort to get our sports perfect, I'm not sure we're getting them right anymore. #nfl
— Dennis Miller Show (@DennisDMZ) December 2, 2013
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This is also very true.
Oh, I thought Amazon drones were people who won't shut up about how much they love Amazon Prime.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) December 2, 2013
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That’s the alternate definition.
The facial swelling from my frisbee accident is nearly gone. #thingsihopediwouldneversay
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) December 2, 2013
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Hashtag of the week.
it's hard to bet against urban meyer and whatever future murderers he's somehow keeping eligible.
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) December 2, 2013
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Stop laughing FSU fans.
How can we stop our dogs from eating our goats poop? @ModelLeila
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) December 2, 2013
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Jose really does need his own reality show.
Can't sleep! Also can't beat level 72 of candy crush. What's everyone else up to?
— Emma Roberts (@RobertsEmma) December 3, 2013
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And another one bites the dust to Candy Crush.
Took an IQ test today. Passed.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 3, 2013
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So that means he actually has an IQ, right?
Barbara Walters '10 Most Fascinating People' list makes me understand why old people can sometimes get their drivers licenses revoked.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 3, 2013
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Nailed it.
@chrissyteigen I keep pointing out that you forgot to put on your clothes; tie a string around your finger to remind you.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 3, 2013
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Shut up, Michael.
Who the hell cares if Tom Daley is gay ? Why aren't more people talking about them teeth ?? Like seriously ? Is piano keys in or something ?
— Kitty Lea (@misskittylea) December 3, 2013
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Yes, this really is the more important topic.
Nothing is friendlier than a wet dog
— genevieve morton (@genevievemorton) December 3, 2013
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We’d like to test that theory with you, Genevieve.
I hate this time of yr! Just when you're really imposing the gay agenda you gotta drop everything and fight in the war on Christmas
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 4, 2013
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It’s a never-ending battle.
I just started following myself on twitter.
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) December 4, 2013
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Genius.
What's the David Bowie album where he was Tilda Swinton?
— Jay Mohr (@jaymohr37) December 4, 2013
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Aladdin Sane.
Is it weird that I had a dream about cronuts…..
— Sessilee Lopez (@TheRealSessilee) December 4, 2013
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It’d be weirder if you didn’t.
Today is National Cookie Day but for Ultimate Warrior today National go paint your ass and get fucked YOU PIECE OF SHIT
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) December 4, 2013
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“Go paint your ass?”
Guy just walked by me in the airport with a ukelele strapped to his backpack. Wonder how many girls with bangs are buried behind his dorm.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 4, 2013
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The over/under on that is 4.
Should be a fun flight. We've got a great looking group of white people here in #firstclass.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 4, 2013
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It’s okay to laugh at that, right?
Martin Bashir said someone should shit in Sarah Palin's mouth. I'd be outraged if I wasn't so turned on.
— Gilbert Gottfried (@RealGilbert) December 5, 2013
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Hot.
My uncle was found dead in his office last night by cleaning staff. I'm glad because he wore Crocs to my wedding in 2006.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 5, 2013
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Serves him right then.
My outrage of no wifi on a plane really doesn't match what I was gonna do. "how am I supposed to see the new Wonder Woman goddammit!"
— Kathleen Madigan (@kathleenmadigan) December 5, 2013
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Priorities.
I'm not ready to sext. Can we just dry humpt?
— Nate Fernald (@natefernald) December 5, 2013
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You got that joke, right?
How long before Rob Ford is getting his crack delivered by drone?
— Dennis Miller Show (@DennisDMZ) December 5, 2013
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Should be any day now.
I may be the wrong person to weigh in (Snow White Duet?) but I'm glad a network is taking a chance with #TheSoundOfMusic #FunAndSweet
— Rob Lowe (@RobLowe) December 6, 2013
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Gotta love the self-deprication.
I will never understand how people misinterpret the simplest fucking tweets. I hate you.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 6, 2013
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But how do you really feel, Chrissy?
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) December 6, 2013
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TRUTH.
Hey, there's no point in just sitting round feeling sorry for yourself. Because no one gives a fuck. Have a great day 🙂
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) December 5, 2013
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Have a great weekend, everybody!