Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
The crop tool is the perfect name for removing frat dudes that photobomb.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) November 25, 2013
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It really is.
I don't know who writes the scripts for these @nfl games but they are good!
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 25, 2013
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Uh, Jim…
Del Rio has such nice glowy skin. I wonder if he uses vitamin C. #football
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) November 25, 2013
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Interim coach of the Broncos has to look good on TV.
Does Peyton really look like a guy who's going to win an outdoor Super Bowl in New Jersey?
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) November 25, 2013
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Not really.
Welcome to MMF: Monday Morning Football
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) November 25, 2013
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Longest. Game. Ever.
I like Tom Brady a lot. But he looks spoiled and entitled with his over-the-top complaining.
— Jason Whitlock (@WhitlockJason) November 25, 2013
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Tom Brady? Spoiled? His supermodel wife disagrees.
This game is great but MAN feel like its been on since last Sunday night
— LeBron James (@KingJames) November 25, 2013
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Longest. Game. Ever.
Tom Brady give his wife camel clutch tonight #DENvsNE
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) November 25, 2013
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Oh God…
Loving this @MileyCyrus performance on #AMAS. I guess Macklemore wasn't the only gigantic pussy on the show tonight.
— Jeff Ross (@realjeffreyross) November 25, 2013
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That’s not funny. Okay, yes it is.
I know I'm basing this solely on watching award shows, but the music industry is awful, right?
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 25, 2013
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Yes.
It's really true…no sleep effects your face…I would post a pic, but there's no filter to help that & it's not Halloween..
— Erin Andrews (@ErinAndrews) November 25, 2013
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Sucks getting older.
Can somebody please explain the origin of the Thanksgiving tradition where you open mouth kiss your stepdad before sitting down to eat?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) November 25, 2013
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His Thanksgiving is different than mine.
I hope all you have a Happy Thanksgiving. I'm sorry, I meant Merry Christgiving.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) November 25, 2013
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Seasons holidays?
I'm rubber, you're glue, we're both living a nightmarish existence as self-aware inanimate objects. Someone please kill us.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) November 25, 2013
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That’s the holiday spirit!
If I could just monetize misplacing my keys…
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) November 25, 2013
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We’d all be millionaires.
Seeing your Family Guy spoilers. Refusing to accept any of it. I will watch next week. #notbrian
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) November 25, 2013
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Denial is the first stage of grief.
There are people who wake up and do things without having coffee. They're called "sociopaths."
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) November 25, 2013
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Look it up.
I can't wait to get all the Black Friday email spam this week! Said, no one ever.
— Jena Sims (@jenamsims) November 25, 2013
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Trust me, someone has said that.
Don't tell me you're "trying" to get pregnant. It just makes me imagine you having sex with shirts on
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) November 25, 2013
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Thanks for the mental image.
How to impress a woman: compliment, kiss, love, protect her, listen to her, support her. How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer.
— genevieve morton (@genevievemorton) November 25, 2013
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TRUTH.
If you meet a guy and he doesn't stare at your tits .. something is really, really wrong with your tits.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) November 25, 2013
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TRUTH?
Still trying to understand the difference between body wash and shampoo.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) November 25, 2013
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And they’ll never tell us.
Just invented a dildo that is also a gun. Women must be safe when masturbating. USA!
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) November 26, 2013
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Genius!
George Zimmerman is an inspiration to all who desperately want to go to prison but can’t seem to get convicted.
— Jamie Kennedy (@JamieKennedy) November 26, 2013
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He is a try-hard kind of guy.
Thanksgiving reminder: I know a lot of celebrities.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) November 26, 2013
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And I almost forgot.
fake butts… all the rage these days. i blame sir mix a lot (but i do that for just about everything)
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) November 26, 2013
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That Sir Mix-a-Lot, always stirring shit up.
I know we all asked this question as kids and just moved on at a certain point but seriously, why the fuck is it called a GRAPEfruit??
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) November 26, 2013
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Still a valid question.
I don't need your permission to be fabulous.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 26, 2013
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No. No you don’t, Rob.
Getting my 5 kids to the airport always feels like I'm recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 26, 2013
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But are they all accounted for?
How come McDonalds doesnt serve a turkey burger on Thanksgiving. #McDonaldsHatesAmerica
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) November 27, 2013
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Hashtag of the Week.
A bread bowl for cereal made entirely out of Pop-Tarts. Get on that, Kellogg's.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) November 27, 2013
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Seriously, this is genius.
Your Thanksgiving porn name is the most insane person in your family plus your favorite pie.
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) November 26, 2013
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Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!