Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
I thought I saw someone dressed for Halloween as the ruined Jesus fresco, but it was just Bruce Jenner.
— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) October 27, 2012
My Halloween costumes are so amazeballs. This much awesomeness really shouldn’t be allowed.
— SOPHIE TURNER(@sophieturner1) October 27, 2012
Girl ain’t lying (see here).
97% of climate scientists say a big storm’s hittin the east coast. DONT BELIEVE THEM!!!!
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) October 27, 2012
Don’t ever believe the 3%.
Second time today Romo’s clinched a game for the Giants.
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) October 29, 2012
He’s good like that.
Republicans saying we may have to wait till Thurs to find out exactly how and where Obama’s response to Hurricane Sandy was incompetent
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) October 28, 2012
Did it take that long?
.@michelleobama If you have a friend named Romy I have a pretty cool costume idea for you.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 28, 2012
Especially if they went to high school together.
WHY is everyone in SUCH a panic about hurricane (i’m calling it Sally)..? Stop projecting negativity! Think positive and pray for peace.
— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) October 29, 2012
LiLo: Always the voice of reason.
fuck the Hurricane Sandy ,she a dumb bitch
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) October 29, 2012
You tell ‘em, Sheik.
On the west coast we never get to bond over weather panic. We’re like oh no an earthquake for 2 seconds, then go to spin class or whatever
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) October 29, 2012
Well, spin class is important.
Hurricane update: just read about Kate Upton’s sexy new look.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) October 29, 2012
A man has to have his priorities.
Day one of #Sandy.Five kids, two bedroom.No school.Feel like I’m living the first act of “The Shinning.”
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 29, 2012
I know I’m opening myself to some sort of criticism, but I feel the need to publicly thank friendly lesbians for their friendliness
— Andy Richter (@Andy_Richter) October 29, 2012
Way to put yourself out there, Andy.
“Would u guys save Ellen on DVR 4 me? Just storm coverage here…and it’s an hour with Madonna” -my friend Kevin who is in NYC. #Priorities
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) October 30, 2012
This might be a good time for Obama to speak on climate change.
— Roger Ebert (@ebertchicago) October 30, 2012
In order to be who you are, you must be willing to let go of who you think you are. You must die to be reborn.
— Aubrey O’Day (@AubreyODay) October 30, 2012
Just heard in park: “are u sure that’s poop and not Mac and cheese? There’sa fine line.” Also…I’m the one that said it.
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) October 30, 2012
Umm, I don’t think the line is that fine.
Auditioning for a movie today. They are looking for a “Michael Fassbender’s penis type.”
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) October 30, 2012
Guess that rules most of us out.
Halloween Thoughts…. I’m really not that afraid of mummys… They don’t even have a mouth. I’d totally poke that focker in the eye ball!
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) October 30, 2012
That and they don’t actually exist.
— Jeff Rossen (@jeffrossen) October 30, 2012
I don’t think it’s just limited to Tweeters.
Anyone in NYC named ‘Sandy’ going to be getting dirty looks for a while.#callmeSanford
— Jerry Seinfeld (@JerrySeinfeld) October 30, 2012
Who names these storms anyway?
I’ll reveal my hairstyle secret. Wash the night before. Sleep.Randomly placed hot rollers in morning. Drive with windows down. Never brush.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) October 30, 2012
Solid haircare tip.
Disney is making new star wars movie. Im glad cuz i keep seeing jarjar binks at auditions and he said hes 8 payments behind on his Corvette
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) October 31, 2012
Dude never could save his money.
“Put a razor blade in a Snickers.I’ll eat around it.” — every kid who ever got a box of raisins while trick or treating
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 31, 2012
Halloween is postponed for us..but Happy Halloween to everyone!
— NiC0LE P0LiZZi (@snooki) October 31, 2012
Who knew you could postpone holidays?
Can people running in the NYC marathon bring some things of mine across the bridge? I don’t think I’ll be able to get a cab.
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) November 1, 2012
They are going that way after all.
Hey everyone with the fake/parody accounts, keep up the good work you talentless attention starved hacks.
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) November 1, 2012
But Brandon, how do you really feel?
I will never take electricity for granted ever, ever again
— Hilary Rhoda (@HilaryHRhoda) November 1, 2012
Amen to that.
Just delivered my first “Happy Holidays” of 2012. THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS IS *ON*, BITCHES.
— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) November 1, 2012
Word to the wise-When attending to demands after watching a movie on Cinemax, Remember to either close shades or turn off The tv.#NSFW
— Brad Keselowski (@keselowski) November 2, 2012
Dear little miss Muffet,what the fuck is a tuffet?
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) November 2, 2012
That’s actually a good question.
If Groupon is to be believed, there are smoothly waxed and facialed people doing Bikram yoga in every single building in Los Angeles.
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) November 2, 2012
I can believe that.
You know what would speak volumes? An Encyclopedia Britannica audio book.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) November 2, 2012
If only Twitter came with a rimshot sound.
Where are we in this world? Are we getting extinct?
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 2, 2012
Only some of us, Jose.
I want more like this!
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