Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
I bet Jesus was always saying “Do you know who I am?” to people, when he was out drinking with the lads.
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) May 27, 2013
Probably his go-to move.
There’s something about having an extra day off work that makes a person get drunk and stab a relative during a family Bar-B-Q. #MemorialDay
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 27, 2013
If I spoke at Alabama I’d say You hicks need to quit obsessing about football. It’s not even part of a university’s identity it’s a hobby!
— Colin Quinn (@iamcolinquinn) May 28, 2013
And that’s why he won’t be speaking at Alabama.
I’m still shocked that a topless painting of Bea Arthur sold for 1.9 million. I hear wherever you go in the room, her nipples follow you.
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) May 28, 2013
It’s quite frightening.
You can sell bags of poop if you call it fertilizer
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) May 28, 2013
Keyshawn has enjoyed many great moments in LA, but chasing down Bieber to tell him to slow down may be his greatest.
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) May 28, 2013
No question about it.
I’d for sure throw a spike strip in front of Bieber’s car if that was my neighborhood. And yeah, he probably has fancy run flats but still.
— Tom Crabtree (@TCrabtree83) May 28, 2013
Men are babys
— Brandi Glanville (@BrandiGlanville) May 28, 2013
I know you are, but what am I?
Those sneakers that lit up at the bottom when we walked were the business when we were kids. Why’d we stop wearing those?!
— Melanie Iglesias (@MelanieIglesias) May 28, 2013
I want a pair now.
Anybody who routinely uses more than three fonts is an asshole.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) May 28, 2013
Hard to argue with that sentiment.
Power Move: Before a big meeting, pull a Ratt or Aerosmith t-shirt on over your suit, so people know you fuck rules in the ass.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) May 28, 2013
Someone on The Apprentice should do this.
Considering the whole of Ke$ha’s lyrical canon, one can’t help but conclude that she’s likely had sex.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) May 29, 2013
She’s quite the role model.
— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) May 29, 2013
These days, I frequently find myself asking “What Would Rutgers Do?”
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) May 29, 2013
And do the opposite?
Oh ya know, just lounging around naked. Typical Thursday morning. #FreeeeBallin
— Ashley Alexiss (@AshAlexiss) May 30, 2013
Pics or it didn’t happen.
Ugh: just found out on the Internet that everything I like is stupid.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) May 30, 2013
Hey, everything I like is stupid too! Sweet.
All feet are nasty.. I don’t care what you say.
— Melanie Iglesias (@MelanieIglesias) May 30, 2013
Rex Ryan would vehemently disagree.
I want to know what you did with my father. RT @marthastewart: Want to ask me a cooking or gardening question?
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) May 31, 2013
Is that a gardening or a cooking question?
Perez Hilton is an ugly gay bully. If you like him I won’t be your friend.
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) May 31, 2013
Who is she talking to?
Going to start wearing diapers to sleep because I just wanna pee when I feel it
— ireland(@IrelandBBaldwin) May 31, 2013
I’m with you, Ireland.
I want more like this!
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