Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Bahamas + Bikinis. Love @BeachBunnySwim! Photo by @JOSHRYANPHOTO @ivymakeup #bahamas pic.twitter.com/LZAic5oyPR
— Hope Smith (@HopeDworaczyk) May 13, 2013
Note to self: Book a trip to the Bahamas.
People in Chicago fart a lot.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) May 13, 2013
It’s the hot dogs.
If you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember Brad Pitt has Billy Bob Thornton's sloppy seconds.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 13, 2013
That’s true!
https://twitter.com/WhitneyCummings/status/334174957342949377
Also true.
Wow, my complete respect goes to Angelina Jolie. It takes a real brave & courageous woman to do what she did.
— Anne V (@AnneV) May 14, 2013
Agreed.
https://twitter.com/MeghanMcCain/status/334313085621915649
Sorry about that.
I am so proud of Angelina. And I hope she is happy with her new breasts after those adorable twins sucked the bouncy right out of her!
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) May 14, 2013
I can’t wait to see them (the twins I mean… the kids… never mind).
https://twitter.com/danieltosh/status/334360993272573952
Sucks to be a Bulls fan this year.
Very exciting! Prince Harry is back in the USA and visiting NYC today! I can't wait for the nude pictures.
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) May 14, 2013
Didn’t happen. Now we can go back to ignoring him.
Just how ugly must these Daft Punk guys be? I mean, even Steve Buscemi gets to walk around without a helmet sometimes.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) May 14, 2013
Only on every other Wednesday though.
I am so turned on at work today so my naughty gf & I decided to watch @pornhub in my private room! We are bad! 😉 pic.twitter.com/fb0YwZAspW
— Bree Olson (@BreeOlson) May 14, 2013
Well, alrighty then. How was YOUR day at work?
I'm declaring here, once and for all: I've never tasted my semen!
— Howard Stern (@HowardStern) May 14, 2013
Something I did not think I would learn this week.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/334421986392547328
Take it from here Chrissy Teigen.
Dear Jodi Arias, I hope you get your death row wish. Dreams can come true.:)
Love,
Every other woman who has not stabbed her man 37 times— Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) May 15, 2013
But not the women who have done it more than that.
People call me Banana, then apologize because I "must get that ALL the time." I don't. You should call me that. It's fucking adorable.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) May 15, 2013
Hi Anna-Banana!
I just karate kicked a love bug in public. Don't feel bad, they're not as precious as they sound and that much PDA is offensive.
— AJ Mendez (@TheAJMendez) May 15, 2013
Yeah, take that shit inside.
Bronzed bikini babe. Talented @JOSHRYANPHOTO took this of me on the beach last week. @ivymakeup you're rad. pic.twitter.com/Hy3KxI6dmC
— Hope Smith (@HopeDworaczyk) May 15, 2013
I still need to book that trip.
If you wait patiently by the river, the body of your enemies will float by.
— Aubrey O'Day (@AubreyODay) May 16, 2013
That’s just a wee bit dark. Who hurt you Aubrey?
Calm down, everyone. Beckham retired five years ago.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) May 16, 2013
(Stifles laugh.)
I'll take Ray J's penis for $600… RT @KimKardashian: It's what's on the inside that counts…
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 16, 2013
What is a great way to become famous?
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/335104936503296000
Get a password keeper for your password keeper.
Gotta admit: when this week began, I didn't see "Nude Bea Arthur Painting Sells For Almost $2 Million" as a headline.
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) May 16, 2013
And let’s hope we never, ever see it again.
They can use Sean Penn's hair. “@thedailybeast: Venezuela, the country, has run out of toilet paper http://t.co/tLSz7k4SPo”
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) May 16, 2013
Preferably.
Prediction: Toronto will wake up tomorrow feeling like it's on drugs
— Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) May 17, 2013
(Stifles laugh again.)
About to fart.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 17, 2013
Farting.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 17, 2013
Just farted.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 17, 2013
I’m out.