Ranking the hot hookups of Nicolas Cage

Nicolas Cage image image by cinemafestival/Shutterstock

With news last week that someone had allegedly stolen sex photos of Nicolas Cage I thought there could be no better time to see what his alleged dating history looks like. Surely a man of Nicolas Cage’s fine stature and skills has dated and/or hooked up with his fair share of famous women, right? Read on to find out.

Elizabeth Daily (1982-1983)

Elizabeth Daily image by Featureflash/Shutterstock

Elizabeth (or E.G. as she was better known by back in the day) of Valley Girl fame and Cage allegedly dated back before the world had heard of the Internet so there are absolutely no details on this other than in some library on microfiche.

Hookup score: 8.5
Still counting it.

Diane Lane (1984-1985)

Diane Lane image by Featureflash/Shutterstock

Same goes for this relationship. Pretty sure it happened though.

Hookup score: 9.5
If it didn’t, it sure should have.

Brooke Shields (1987)

Brooke Shields image by Featureflash/Shutterstock

These two reportedly dated after Brooke Shields broke up with Dodi Fayed, the guy who is best known for hooking up with Princess Diana.

Hookup score: 9.0
That’s a tough follow.

Uma Thurman (1987-1988)

Uma Thurman image by Jaguar PS/Shutterstock

Little trivia here: Uma named her daughter Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson. Nic named his son Kal-El.

Hookup score: 9.0
How these two never got married is one of life’s mysteries.

Ami Dolenz (1988)

Ami Dolenz image by carrie-nelson/Shutterstock

Actress Ami Dolenz, daughter of Mickey of Monkees fame, and Cage went out on a few dates, just as “friends” she said.

Hookup score: 8.5
Counting it!

Christina Fulton (1988-1990)

Christina Fulton image by s_bukley/Shutterstock

Christina Fulton, she of the stolen sex photos, dated, got married, had a son named Weston Coppola Cage, and then got divorced.

Hookup score: 8.0
She was once an actress, in case you were wondering.

Sarah Jessica Parker (1991)

Sarah Jessica Parker image by Featureflash/Shutterstock

Worked together and allegedly dated while filming Honeymoon in Vegas .

Hookup score: 8.5
Once the movie ended supposedly the romance did as well.

Maria Conchita Alonso (1991-1992)

Maria Conchita Alonso image by Featureflash/Shutterstock

Starred together in the film Vampire’s Kiss and allegedly hooked up a couple of years later, but who the hell really knows?

Hookup score: 9.0
You guys remember Vampire’s Kiss, right?

Patricia Arquette (1994-2001)

Patricia Arquette/Nic Cage image by Featureflash/Shutterstock

This one actually made it all the way to marriage and lasted quite a while by Hollywood standards, or so it appeared. Court papers revealed that the couple actually separated only nine months after their wedding.

Hookup score: 8.5
Still good by Hollywood standards.

Penelope Cruz (2000)

Penelope Cruz image by Featureflash/Shutterstock

Cruz and Cage “flirted like teenagers at the world premiere in London of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin,” said the Daily Mail. She also said that Cage was “the best actor in the world.” (Which he is.)

Hookup score: 9.5
That last quote seals it, they were definitely having sex.

Lisa Marie Presley (2002-2004)

Lisa Marie Presley/Nic Cage image by Featureflash/Shutterstock

In the greatest pairing of celebrities ever, Lisa Marie Presley and Nic were married for about three months. Interestingly, their divorce proceedings actually lasted longer than the marriage.

Hookup score: 9.0
I’m still bent that this union didn’t last forever.

Angelina Jolie (2003)

Angelina Jolie image by Featureflash/Shutterstock

Cage and Jolie were rumored to be dating after they were spotted kissing at some black-tie event.

Hookup score: 10.0
This pairing made so much sense at the time.

Other less-substantiated alleged flings: Paris Hilton, Jenna Jameson, Elizabeth McGovern

Final Tally

Nicolas Cage’s Hookup Score: 114 points

Considering that Cage hasn’t dated a famous woman since 2003 (he is currently married to a boring non-famous woman) this is amazingly impressive. Of course, would you expect anything less from him?

1. Leonardo DiCaprio – 187 points
2. Jack Nicholson – 163
3. Charlie Sheen – 136
4. Bruce Willis – 120
5. Chace Crawford – 119.5
6. Nicolas Cage – 114
7. Tommy Lee – 111
8. Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs – 110
9. Stephen Dorff – 109.5
10. Jamie Foxx – 108.5
11. Jared Leto – 108
12. Vin Diesel – 100.5
13. Cristiano Ronaldo – 99.5
14. Russell Brand – 99
15. Seth MacFarlane – 98
16. Tiger Woods – 93.5
17. George Clooney – 93
18. Tom Cruise – 92.5
19t. Benicio Del Toro – 91
19t. Josh Hartnett – 91
21. Ryan Seacrest – 88.5
22. Drake – 88
23. Jonathan Rhys Meyers – 84.5
24. Chris Evans – 83.5
25t. Justin Timberlake – 82
25t. Ryan Phillippe – 82
25t. Tyson Beckford – 82
28t. Ben Affleck – 81
28t. Orlando Bloom – 81
30t. Josh Hutcherson – 80
30t. Tyrese Gibson – 80
30t. Derek Jeter – 80
33t. David Duchovny – 78.5
33t. Marilyn Manson – 78.5
35t. Jim Carrey – 77.5
35t. Owen Wilson – 77.5
37. Joe Jonas – 77
38. Ryan Reynolds – 75
39. Ashton Kutcher – 73
40t. Harry Styles – 72.5
40t. Jeremy Piven – 72.5
42. Ryan Gosling – 72
43t. Kanye West – 71
43t. Brad Pitt – 71
43t. Jude Law – 71
46t. Colin Farrell – 70
46t. Adam Levine – 70
48t. Usher – 69

48t. Sean Penn – 69
50t. Taylor Lautner – 67
50t. Johnny Depp – 67
52t. Ian Somerhalder – 66.0
52t. Jake Gyllenhaal – 66
54. Andy Roddick – 64.5
55t. Tom Brady – 64
55t. Mark Sanchez – 64
55t. Joseph Gordon-Levitt – 63
58t. Zac Efron – 63
58t. Adrien Brody – 63
58t. Adam Brody – 63
58t. Kevin Connolly – 63
62. Chris Pine – 62.5
63t. Michael Phelps – 62
63t. Adam Duritz – 62
63t. Alexander Skarsgard – 62
63t. Wilmer Valderrama – 62
63t. Gerard Butler – 62
68. Liam Neeson – 61.5
69. Criss Angel – 61
70. John Mayer – 60
71. Bradley Cooper – 57
72. Shia LaBeouf – 56.5
73t. James Franco – 53
73t. Alex Rodriguez – 53
75. Will Smith – 52
76. Robert Downey, Jr. – 51.5
77. Edward Norton – 51
78. Paul Walker – 48.5
79. Matthew Morrison – 47