Gwyneth Paltrow thinks being mean to water hurts its feelings

Now that she’s done comparing Internet insults to war, Gwyneth Paltrow is turning her attention to a pseudoscience in which she thinks that if we’re mean to water it has a negative effect (i.e. water has feelings). Of course this is all taking place on Gwyneth’s inane Web site Goop.

Related: Gwyneth Paltrow actually compared Internet insults to being in a war

In this “groundbreaking article” by by Dr. Habib Sadeghi, Gwyneth gives credence to a man named Masaru Emoto who, completely unscientifically by the way, claims that water has feelings.

Read and be amazed that this woman makes millions of dollars to play pretend while we slave away…

“Japanese scientist Masaru Emoto performed some of the most fascinating experiments on the effect that words have on energy in the 1990s. In his experiments, Emoto poured pure water into vials labeled with negative phrases like ‘I hate you’ or ‘Fear.’ After 24 hours, the water was frozen, and no longer crystallized under the microscope: It yielded grey, misshapen clumps instead of beautiful lace-like crystals. In contrast, Emoto placed labels that said things like ‘I love you’ or ‘Peace’ on vials of polluted water, and after 24 hours, they produced gleaming, perfectly hexagonal crystals. Emoto’s experiments proved that energy generated by positive or negative words can actually change the physical structure of an object. The results of his experiments were detailed in a series of books beginning with The Hidden Messages in Water, where you can see the astounding before and after photos of these incredible water crystals.”

“In another experiment, Emoto tested the power of spoken words. He placed two cups of cooked white rice in two separate mason jars and fixed the lids in place, labeling one jar “Thank You” and the other, “You Fool.” The jars were left in an elementary school classroom, and the students were instructed to speak the words on the labels to the corresponding jars twice a day. After 30 days, the rice in the jar that was constantly insulted had shriveled into a black, gelatinous mass. The rice in the jar that was thanked was as white and fluffy as the day it was made. This dramatic example of the power of words is also detailed in Emoto’s books.”

You know what? I believe it, even though this Emoto guy has gotten in trouble for “misleading claims that violate basic physics.” Things like “facts” have never bothered Gwyneth and now I’m not going to let them bother me anymore either. I’m going to start being nicer to water. We’ll go for walks, maybe a little trip to the beach to see its relatives. Yes, this is going to be a good thing.

Related: Angelina Jolie is the anti-Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow image by s_bukley/Shutterstock