Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
“This is sad bad, not fun bad.” — Everyone liveTweeting #lizanddick, to themselves about 10 minutes ago
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 26, 2012
There is a subtle difference, you know?
Surviving the row machine at the gym is exponentially more challenging when next to someone yet to discover deodorant.
— Bonnie Bernstein (@BonnieBernstein) November 26, 2012
That’s the “expert level” workout.
Lindsay Lohan’s probation will be revoked because she lied to police. The same goes for her SAG card after playing Elizabeth Taylor.
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) November 26, 2012
Joan Rivers, ladies and gentlemen!
Shout out to those on Facebook who copied and pasted a worthless legal disclaimer to protect all that original and valuable stuff you share.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) November 26, 2012
Yes, well done, all.
Boy, babies sure don’t like wasabi.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 26, 2012
At this rate “Two and Half Men” is soon going to be renamed “Man”.
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) November 26, 2012
I can’t wait til its renamed “Cancelled.”
UPS sponsors Notre Dame, but Fighting Irish fans are told on website they will get their BCS tickets via FedEx.
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) November 27, 2012
Win a tweet from me bit.ly/JWTweet Good luck bitches!!
— JWOWW (@JENNIWOWW) November 27, 2012
That’s right. Win a tweet. That certainly puts the “Wow” in JWoww.
Nice things come in great packages
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 27, 2012
Did the kid from Two and a Half Men ascend yet?
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) November 27, 2012
In the eyes of many.
Finally trying yoga. Hot yoga
— Sarah Shahi (@onlysarahshahi) November 27, 2012
I’ll just let you use your imagination on this one.
“Two Men and an Ungrateful Fuck-toad”
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) November 27, 2012
But how do you really feel, Zach?
Neiman Marcus always has great Christmas gifts, but this year they’ve outdone themselves with “Gwyneth Paltrow’s turds in a sandwich bag.”
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) November 27, 2012
Already on my wish list.
A couple has named their baby “hashtag.” What a great name, said his siblings Lycos and Pets.com.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) November 28, 2012
Don’t laugh, you know someone out there has done this.
Just woke up to tell @carsondaly what a dickhead he is… Back to sleep!
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) November 28, 2012
Now there’s a positive use of your time.
I’m amazed that PETA has never protested “Eye of the Tiger.”
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) November 28, 2012
Are you sure they haven’t?
I don’t trust females who say they hate Beyonce.
— Aubrey O’Day (@AubreyODay) November 28, 2012
Nor should you.
I just did an in real life double-take at a woman’s boobs. I’d forgotten that’s a real thing you can really involuntarily do.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 28, 2012
He needs to get out more.
If I found apple slices in my Happy Meal when I was a kid, I would’ve come un-fucking-glued.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) November 28, 2012
Gabriel Aubry should learn how to fight—he became a punching bag. Always drama with Halle B!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 28, 2012
Thanks for weighing in, Donald.
Elizabeth Taylor shit her pants dead if she saw the Lindsay Lohan act like her. Embarassing to a woman %10000
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) November 29, 2012
Good to know the Sheik watches Lifetime.
Children make wonderful vehicles through which you can passive-aggressively speak to your spouse.
— Elizabeth Banks (@ElizabethBanks) November 29, 2012
Love Christmas photos but feel too old to get one with Santa? Stay tuned next week – I may have something for you….
— David Hasselhoff (@DavidHasselhoff) November 30, 2012
I can hardly wait.
I want more like this!
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