What is this “walking,” I speak of? It’s when dirty hobos such as myself and 99% of the population use the things attached to our hips to move. You know, those two long things that have the capability to bend in the middle and hold up our weight? That’s assuming you’re not 300 pounds overweight of course, and considering how fat we are as a population today there’s a chance that at least a few of you reading this can’t actually walk on your own.
You know who else can’t walk? Ariana Grande. But not because she’s a fat tub of goo who likes to shovel pastries down her gullet every few hours, it’s because she’s too good for walking. Apparently Ariana looked down at her legs one day and said “Yo fuck you guys, you are NOT getting used, EVER. Back to the depths of hell I banish thee, BACK!” Realizing that the only way to banish her own body parts to hell would involve amputation, she then decided the next best option would be to just have some dude carry her around when she’s too tired to walk.
…or maybe she just wants to be carried around so she can spit on us peasants who rely on our legs for transportation. Either one is fair game.
Via Life & Style:
“Her new rule is that she has to be carried — literally carried like a baby — when she doesn’t feel like walking. She says that she doesn’t want her precious feet to hit the floor,” says a source, who witnessed the 21-year-old get a lift from her staff while filming her latest music video and again at rehearsals for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.
“Everyone was stunned,” the source tells Life & Style. “Ariana is such a diva.”
But you know what they say about divas…
Just kidding, no one says that. Except for Beyonce, I guess, but I’m pretty sure she wasn’t even serious about it because that song is beyond stupid and everyone likes to pretend it doesn’t exist.
Also, Ariana Grande is too short to hustle anything over 5’0”, which leaves her the approximate 30,000 “little people” in the United States and children who haven’t hit puberty yet.
That’s right, I said it: Ariana Grande hustles children for candy and then has some dude sprint away with her in his arms so she doesn’t have to run on her own.
Tl;dr: Ariana Grande hates babies.
[H/T Life & Style]