Let me rephrase that: Penis Tattoo Causes Permanent Semi-Erection for Iranian Man. SEMI-ERECTION. He's not at full service, he's just got a nice hang all the time. Undoubtedly stiff, but still showing the goods at their very best. Not the awkward "I haven't been with a chick in weeks, the skin feels like its going to tear, there's no where to go but up" power boner, but rather, a manageable partial that probably looks normal in jeans but not in gym shorts. Are you with me here, folks?

According to ABC News: 

 

A 21-year-old Iranian man has a permanent semi-erection after having “borow be salaamat” (good luck with your journeys) and the letter “M” (his girlfriend’s initial) tattooed on his pen*s.

 

The man, whose name is unknown, was diagnosed with nonischemic priapism — a condition resulting from the inability of blood to exit the pen*s. His case was detailed in the latest issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

 

“In our case, most probably, the handheld needle penetrated the pen*s too deep, creating an arteriovenous fistula,” wrote the study authors from Kermanshah University of Medical Sciences in Kermanshah, Iran. A fistula is a connection between two organs or vessels — in this case an artery and a vein — that normally don’t connect.

 

“For eight days after tattooing, the pen*s was painful, and thus there were no erections,” the authors wrote. “After that, the patient noticed longer-than-usual sleep-related erections. This progressed, within a week, to a constantly half-rigid pen*s, day and night.”

 

Despite his permanent erection, the man has no regrets over his pen*s tattoo, according to the report. Nevertheless, the report authors advise against the practice.

 

I admit this is a double-edged sword. Would I want this? No, of course not -- I like my erections to be an event and I'm not mentally gifted enough to talk myself into putting a tattoo tribute to my girlfriend on my cock. Plus I like to play sports, workout, wear sweatpants, etc. But I can see the allure. Especially if you're not athletic or physically active or if you naturally suffer from ED; having a half-hard dick that shows well can only be regarded as an asset, right?