Q. One of my pledgebrothers has a pretty large problem. His girlfriend has him completely whipped. We've tried telling him that his girlfriend sucks; the whole fraternity has told him the same thing. He won't drink as much, he won't go out, and he never hangs out with us. He is always with her. What should we do to get rid of her or show him that she sucks and that he should dump her controlling ass? I'd really appreciate an answer since it has caused a lot of problems in the fraternity about this. Thanks Bros.

 

Sounds to me like your buddy just got his first whiff of p*ssy. And it blew his f*ckin’ mind. His upper-lip probably looks wind-burned from all that tw*t he’s been eating. Juice just flowing down his face like wet snot… Ah, good for him. 

 

Look, I know you think this bird is a rotten, intolerable hoe – and you seem credible so I’m sure she is -- but that snatch of hers has your buddy hooked. And if he’s momentarily happy, you and the rest of the guys have to roll with it. Just keep including and inviting him. Even if he doesn't come, he'll start to realize what he is missing out on. It sucks when guys do this shit but I assure you that at some point your stupid-ass friend will come to his stupid-ass senses and ditch this leach. 

 

What he is experiencing is exactly what we all felt the first time we discovered what happens when you finally rub that impromptu boner long enough. You can’t be bothered with anything else. But sooner or later you realize there is more to life, and that p*ssy feels a thousand times better than your hand -- or you don’t and you become the maestro of masturbation. Either way, that’s all this is. He is still into this chick and once he tires of it, he’ll come crawling back. It's a college relationship, odds of it lasting are probably like 2%. So when it finally ends, you f*ckers can lace into him for being a p*ssy for the last few months and hopefully all this ballyhoo about him being a whipped douche and not hanging out will be a thing of the past.