When BroBible was launched we wanted our website to follow our motto "Every Bro has a Story." We begged and pleaded for you to share your tales of sex, debauchery, or other madness with us. As we learned, a lot of people are busy, don't want to write, or they want to write but their best subject is math. No matter the reason, we've gotten away from that model, but I'm really bullish on trying to resurrect it. At least a few times each month. Surely, you a**holes are doing something inhumane or ungodly terrible at least once a month, right?

Yesterday we rolled out When Exes Attack, our column about the crazy shit that ex-girlfriends do in the heat of the moment. The submissions and stories have been flying in (send in yours here!). And today we are beginning to publish reader-submitted hook-up stories again. As always, anonymity is a priority. All we are looking for are easily digestible, two- to five-paragraph stories that people can read on the shitter (long enough to pass the bowel, but short enough to keep your feet from going numb, ya heard?). Whatever you do DON'T Tucker Max the f*ck out of them with unrealistic details and conversations that never happened. Keep them short. As you'll see from the ones we got this last week (and ultimately made me want to try this again) you don't need to write 1,000 words to make it good.

 

Longtime reader Wyld Stallyon wrote this:

 

One time my girlfriend called me and asked if I wanted to come over after work. "Sure, I need to go home first, then I'll be over around 9 or 10."  She was going out to eat with her coworkers. I called her as I left my place around 9, but she didn't answer. We'd been together for a while so I had a key to her apartment and sometimes her phone had trouble so I didn't think much of it. As I opened the door to her apartment I saw someone run to the back room. She acted surprised to see me and was clearly drunk. She must have forgotten I was coming over. I saw some joint roaches on the coffee table and a man's shoes on the floor.


 

"Who the f*ck is that?" I asked. "No one!!!!" she yelped.

 

It was a small one-bedroom apartment. I darted around the corner and found a guy standing in the doorway of the bathroom wearing just his boxers. "Who the f*ck are you?" I demanded. "No one!!!" he yelped. "WRONG ANSWER!!!" I screamed as I punched him in the face. He fell backwards, tripping over the toilet and pulling the shower curtain down over him. I wailed on him a few more times but then stopped as I realized I'd broken a knuckle. I'd never really punched anyone before. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! She said she didn't have a boyfriend! We didn't even do anything yet!" he said, pleading with me.


I let him grab his stuff and run out. Girlfriend said she was so sorry, they didn't do anything, blah blah blah. At this point the relationship was over, but since they hadn't gotten down to business yet, I decided she wasn't physically tainted. She offered to make it up to me, so I shut the door and we headed to the bedroom. And thus concludes the story of how I finally got my girlfriend to let me have balls-deep an*l sex. I broke things off with her the next day.

 

I received this email last week as a response to an Ask a Bro question about going down on a squirter: 

 

Not so much a question, but more of a response to the latest mailbag re: dating a squirter.

 

When I was in high school a buddy of mine stayed at my house and we snuck out to visit this floozy around the block to see if we could get some.

 

Now, this girl was someone we both knew semi-well and who had a history of being one of the "easier" girls in our high school. That being said, once we consumed enough alcohol to have “beer balls,” we made our move. She was down for it. She, again, knowing us kind of well, decided to toy around with us and said that she wouldn't do anything to us unless one of us went down on her. What transpired is still one of the funniest things I have ever been a part of.

 

In order to decide who would go down on this chick, my buddy and I played rock, paper, scissors right in front of her (no joke) and the loser had to gobble the goods. I ended up winning so my buddy started the task. And the chick starts blowing me while I'm standing off to the side of the bed, with my friend at the foot of the bed doing his thing.

 

While getting knobbed, I decide to give this girl a little attention myself, so I start rubbing her clit. She was loving the double attention so I picked up the pace a little. About 4-5 minutes in she starts convulsing and then all of a sudden lets out this crazy org*smic moan and squirts RIGHT in my boy's face. Like, all over his grill mix. Full blast. Took us by surprise to say the least. The look on his face was one of pure disgust. Totally unprepared for what just went down. Shit just dripping down his chin.

 

Well, remember the booze we brought? Dude projectile vomits all over this nekked chick while I'm standing next to the bed with a full-on meat rocket. Understandably shocked to all hell, the girl kicks my friend in the face and tells us to get the f*ck out. As we gather our shit to leave and walk out of her bedroom, her Mom is in the hallway (presumably because she heard some commotion) and, upon seeing both of us nekked holding our clothes, asks us just what the f*ck we think we’re doing. My boy, still holding his eye from the brutal front kick to the face says, with a completely straight face, “Your daughter's p*ssy stinks” and we run down the hallway and out the front door laughing our asses off.

 

And oh ya… worst case of blue balls ever.

 

Hope you enjoyed this story at my buddy’s expense. And mine too, I suppose.

 

Tell us your story here. If we like it, we'll post it. If we don't like, we'll probably post it anyway.