Blown through all your Christmas cash already? Got less than a month until Spring Break and need some serious tequila-and-bail money funds? Don’t sweat it: There are plenty of opportunities to find work in and around your college campus. We put together a list of all the possible (legal) occupations available to a typical college guy, and ranked them from worst to best. A few are more long-term jobs (i.e. you'll need to start applying now for next fall semester), but most you could nab tomorrow if you needed a quick influx of cash. Those cervezas y senoritas don't buy themselves.

The Don't-Even-Think-About-It Division

Food Delivery Guy
Maybe it’s a decent job if you’re delivering to rich families in suburbia, but delivering pizza, hoagies, or tacos to college students is about as low as you can go on the totem pole of campus jobs. You pretty much only work at night, so you will have to sacrifice a few nights a week that you could have spent partying. Also, all college students are broke as shit, so you are more likely to get a tip of $0.10 than 10%. And don’t forget: You're using your own car for all those deliveries, which means all the gas, parking tickets, and mileage is on you.

RA
Free housing sounds like a pretty good deal, right? Wrong, very wrong. Between all the training, being on-call, and other RA duties, you work at least 4,000 hours a semester. That comes out to you pulling in a measly $1/hour. Also, can you imagine being responsible for a floor of whiny, blacked-out freshmen or rambunctious upperclassmen?

Cafeteria Employee
The cafeteria is always hiring, so if you’re desperate enough, it's always going to be there as your safety net. But you should ask yourself, “Do I really want to work here?” Yeah, you get to eat at a discount, and you might even get an easy job like stacking plates and re-filling the salad bar bins. But, what if they assign you as a server? Can you imagine serving up a hot girl a spoonful of lumpy mashed potatoes, while you're rocking a hair net? No thank you.

The Not-As-Sweet-As-You-Think Division

Sports Team Manager/Tutor
Bros hold collegiate sports very near to their heart. Unfortunately, not all of us high school heroes can hack it at the next level, especially if you go to a top D-I school. This is what makes team manager/tutor job so enticing. You get a chance to feel like a part of the team, but at the end of the day… you’re not. You are going to get assigned all the dirty work that nobody on the full-time staff wants to do, all while being mistreated by illiterate athletes who just want you to hand them another towel.

Guinea Pig
Universities are always conducting research, and they need some desperate individuals to serve as test subjects. Enter broke college students. All you need to do is go in once a week and answer a bunch of questions or be subjected to some strange experiments. It can’t get much simpler than that. Pay is relatively low and you also might be exposed to adverse side effects, but if you could survive pledging last semester, you can easily survive this.

Up next: The Too-F*cking Easy Division...