[inline:choc]Lisa Lampanelli, the insult comic affectionately known as "The Queen of Mean," grabbed national attention in 2002 when she was invited to join the NY Friars Club roast of Chevy Chase on Comedy Central. As they say in the stand-up business, Lampanelli "killed" and her career has never been the same. The gnarly, hilariously offensive insult comic just released her first book, "Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat and Freaks," which doc*ments her love of black men, fat guys, and food -- not necessarily in that order. (Buy it right now on Amazon!) As she kicked off her book tour earlier this month, Lampanelli spoke with BroBible about why she made the switch back to white guys, the intense preparation involved in celebrity roasts, and why she owes so much to Howard Stern and Jim Breuer. BroBible: Congrats on the book. How's the tour going? Lisa Lampanelli: I actually started Monday doing publicity for it and it sounds like I've been talking nonstop about this book because it's fantastic! BB: I bet. LL: As Penthouse said, it is a good read for men, not just ladies, which is great, because you know what? Women ain't buying shit. You know? They're a bunch of hoes that people buy stuff for. So if the guy is buying, I'm better off. BB: Absolutely. Now, have you always wanted to write a book? Has this always been on your wish list? LL: Absolutely not. They came up with good money, and I said 'Sure, I'm a hoe for the dough.' Those Toyota Camary's don't buy themselves. So, no, I never wanted to write a book, I always thought it would be traumatic and awful, which it was. The process, I'm telling you, it's like I used a lot of free, oh my God. It's like taking a dump. You get all the bad out. You know what I'm saying? Except I use more paper when I take a dump. It's probably sad but true. BB: Now you realize that you're going to ruin the sex lives of all us white guys with this book, right? LL: No, absolutely not. Cuz as you may or may not know if you watch TMZ, Lisa Lampanelli is now engaged to a white guy. BB: Are you really? LL: So put it this way, there is white at the end of the tunnel.

BB: Congratulations. LL: It is true: Once you go black, you may go back. And they'll let you back in the family, which is always a good thing. BB: So now when did you first go black? LL: I think I was 40. I mean, you know, please, I grew up in Connecticut, because you don't see any black people there. The motto of Connecticut should be: Connecticut, you won't find your clitoris here, because it's a sexless, white-bread state. So I moved to New York City and there was all these different types of people. I was willing to give everyone a chance... except the Asians, because nobody wants that. Now that's creepy. BB: So what was it at the age of 40 that you said, I've got to give this a try. LL: Well, in the first two chapters of the book I talk about that. What had happened was I started noticing that I was losing weight for some reason. I remember I had a breakup; I said, 'Let me take a year off before I get back into a relationship.' So I took a year off and I started looking around, because I always dated white guys before. I looked around and said, 'Hey, there are a lot of other types out here, let me see what it's like.' And it's true: Manhattan is like a box of Godiva chocolates and you've just got to get your mouth dirty. BB: We know the obvious reason why you prefer black guys over white guys but what else do they bring to the table? LL: See, that's the thing. I outline it all in the book: First of all, there are a lot of bad parts of it, a lot of good parts of it. The biggest part for me was white guys always look to your weight. Like, they're always like, 'Oh, you're fat.' Black guys, back then at least, never said, 'Hey, you're fat.' And hey, a chubby girl, you don't want to hear that. But now -- I don't know if you've noticed recently -- the new type of interracial couple is the hot black guy with the hot white chick, which I think those b*tches are stomping on our territory, that's why I went back to white, because these [black guys] can't be trusted. BB: So it's the white chubby girls who should be going after the black guys? LL: Hell yeah, leave them for us. These hot white b*tches can get anyone they want. Now sure, I'm able to upgrade to a white, because I'm famous, I'm a celebrity, I'm out there. But what does the normal fat chick gonna get? What does she have to settle for, a Mexican? I don't think that's right. So hey, these chocolate daddies got to remember that they have to know their place: the chubby white b*tch. BB: How did you meet the white guy? How did that come back into play? LL: Well we can blame Jim Breuer. You know the comedian Jim Breuer? BB: Sure, of course. LL: He has a radio show on Sirius Satellite Radio, and two years ago, I was on it and my fiance was on. He was a recurring guest because he owned a rock club and would bring bands in to be interviewed. So, I met him, I seen him, and I was like, 'Oh, who's that good-looking Wop, you know? So I inquired in such a manner, and he was so in love with me, that it only took him 24 months to get in touch. That's right: two years. BB: Wow. LL: I know. It was really my own fault because I only gave him my email address, my Twitter, my Facebook, and my MySpace. So he finally tracks me down, like five months ago. And after one lunch it was meant to be. We got engaged two weeks ago, it was fabulous. BB: Congratulations! LL: I know, ain't that fun? BB: So much fun. Do you have a date yet? LL: Yep, yep. Next October 2nd. BB: Wow. LL: We work fast. BB: You work fast. LL: Dude, when you're 48 years old-- BB: You've got to get a move on, right? LL: First of all, you've seen us on the Facebook. Who's going to have either one of us? But you know how he really won me over? I've got to say I'm a little shallow, can I be honest with you? O.K., he drives a 2000 Mercury Marquis. Now that is what we call a leg-spreader. He drove by my house, his panties flew right off. I was putty in his hands. When you drive a machine like that, the chicks are going to be wearing the ankles as earrings, I tell you that much right now. BB: Now you had been with black guys for all this time, when you went back with the white guy, in the bedroom, in the bed, what did you learn from the black guys that you now took back to the new guy? LL: Absolutely nothing. That's the thing: It's all a myth, it's all bullshit. You know what I mean, my dude is hung very well. In fact, he has enormous nuts, and they're bigger than most people's balls, I think in the universe. I think they're bigger than two grapefruits, I'm not going to lie to you. No, don't even laugh, dude. I'll someday be able to make him fall asleep and take a picture. I walked in on him once and I was like, 'Oh my God, when did we get a beanbag chair? Oh, Jesus Christ, it's your nuts.' They're huge. So I would say down there, he's got it going on. BB: Obviously there are other parts of the book: What was it like thinking back to your childhood? LL: Oh that sucked, that sucked. I didn't have some type of painful, mol*sted childhood or anything, but you know, it's stuff that you don't want to think about. And then there's high school years that you didn't like. And then there's my recent rehab -- I went to rehab for food issues twice, and co-dependency, so I'd stopped dating fat boys. So when you're thinking back on that, you think, 'Oh, this is terrible,' but the whole problem was when I'm writing the book, I had just gotten out of these rehabs so I wasn't allowed to overeat, and I wasn't allowed to have any sex, so, uh oh, what do you do instead? Believe it or not, I exercised, so I lost weight. So anyone who wants to get skinny, write a book, you might even be an anorexic. It's a diet plan. BB: So was it therapeutic in a way to write it? [inline:roast] LL: I guess, it just sort of sucked going through all the feelings again? BB: Sure. LL: But you know what? You make a joke about it later, it's in a book, you get paid money, go see a shrink. BB: Now, the roasts are really what made your name in the beginning. What was the first one you did, was it Chevy Chase? LL: Yep, yep, it was. BB: When you got that first call to do it, what were you emotions? Because roasts have a big history in Hollywood. LL: Oh my God, huge. O.K., first of all, I always knew I was meant to do roasts because I'm an insult comic. BB: Sure. LL: But also, there's more pressure when you're an insult comic, because there's like two of us in the world. And it's like, well, if you can kill it doing it every night, you better be able to bring it to a roast. That would kind of suck: If I bombed it, I would have no excuse. I mean, Kevin Meaney can go off and suck ass on a roast because that's not what he does for a living. But i've got to go up and do it right. So when they called me about the Chevy Chase roast at the time, I was like, 'Okay, everyone leave me alone for two weeks, I don't want any phone calls, I have to prepare for this. And I was just so gangster and prepared for it that thank God I did well. And they just kept asking me to do them. BB: Do they come naturally to you now? LL: Oh yeah, but they take a lot of work. You see comedy and the roasts come naturally to me, but they still require tons of work. It's not work to be funny, it's just work to really do the business right, to prepare for these things so it looks like they're just coming off the top of your head. BB: Right, totally. Now who were your heroes or inspiration growing up or when you got into the biz? Was it Don Rickles type? LL: My two heroes, I put in my book, have always been Stern and Rickles. And that's pretty much it. I don't bother with anybody else. BB: Were you on Stern yesterday? LL: Yeah, it was great. BB: How did that go? LL: Oh my God, it was an awesome. That was probably like my twelfth interview there and it was a blast. Stuff comes up that I didn't think about for years, so it was cool as hell. Because when you see one of your heroes laugh at you, it's almost like the first time that happened, I almost like shed a little tear. Because it's like, oh my God, first of all, he knows my name. Second of all, he keeps asking me back and thinks I'm funny: I must be doing something right. [inline:stern] BB: He's been such a champion of yours over the years, right? LL: Oh my God, it's like that's why the theaters sell a lot of tickets because when Stern says go see this person, his audience drinks the Kool-Aid. They're like, 'Oh we will.' So that mark of approval, like I said in my book, it's like when Johnny used to ask you to sit on the couch, you know? It's like the stamp of approval that every comic needs.