All posts by Chris Illuminati

Chris Illuminati

About Chris Illuminati...

Writer. Amusing to most. Usually gassy.
I’m still not 100% on board with the adult film parody craze. In some cases I totally get it. An […]
You speak a completely different language at school than you do at home. Everyone on campus knows the slang terms […]
For years, the combatants of MMA and the stars of professional wrestling haven’t really seen eye-to-eye on a laundry list […]
The WWE rumors and reactions post today will dive into the actual beating John Cena might have taken at the […]
Models probably don’t get recognized all that often. I’m sure people stare because they’re tall, attractive and countless other people […]
These are the WWE Smackdown spoilers for the August 29, 2014 episode of Smackdown on Syfy.
You don’t get the nickname “The Swiss Superman” by accident. WWE superstar Cesaro stopped by the Supertraining Gym in Sacramento, […]
Ladies, ladies, let’s all calm down! What’s with the potty mouths? Football is a gentleman’s game. We don’t use such […]
Welcome to another addition of the only WWE Raw results column that dares to ask the question “just how many […]
I’m a firm believer in curses, and not just in sports, but in life. Here’s how firmly I believe in […]
Two major players in the WWE universe might be gone after this week with one wrestler leaving to address some […]
I remember the year every dorm on campus got internet and cable. In the same semester! It was dial-up but, […]
Old hotness — ALS ice bucket challenge. New hotness — grabbing breasts in the name of AIDS research.
Today in WWE rumors — WWE officials are already over one new character, Paul Heyman remembers how the federation “wanted […]
Philadelphia Public Record, a free weekly paper, issued a major “our bad” today for running a ridiculously racist caption in […]
“This night is going to be legend-arrrryyyy. But first let me text my girl and tell her I’ve been kidnapped. […]
Randy Orton is back from his pity party on Raw and kicks off the WWE Smackdown results with a promo […]
If only there were a dating show which mixed the nightmare fuel that is the blue man group with the […]
Roads? Where the Biebs is going, he doesn’t need roads. Technically, he does, because he’s driving a Can-Am Spyder around […]
Zoé Zebra is an adult film actress who’s not happy with her current breast size. #pornstarproblems. To raise the money […]
Jessie Nizewitz signed up for the VH1 reality show Dating Naked, so right out of the gate, we understand the […]
Meet 2-year-old Beckett Sage — a lifelong WWE fan birthed with the amazing ability to match the wrestler with his […]
Welcome to the inaugural edition of WWE Rumors and Reactions. Every day (maybe), I’ll review the biggest WWE and wrestling […]
The Sopranos did it constantly. An episode ended with an insane moment that which would shake the ground around Tony’s […]
I’m usually zoned out for the first segment of WWE Raw. It’s either Cena preaching the Gospel according to John, […]
The Summerslam 2014 results saw three title changes, a tag team break-up, a lumberjack melee and a main event that […]
Adam Pally’s work resume should just read “professional bro.”
Disneyland is the most magical place on Earth if you’re a child or mentally slow.
The biggest movies 2014 includes toys as heroes, heroes as heroes, mile-high lizards losing to heroes and a flick with […]
Jack is back.
LeBron James will end up retiring as the greatest basketball player of all time. Even if he doesn’t win as […]
Hot Pockets — the food most enjoyed by the diseased and unsound animals of the world — is being pulled […]
If you’re looking for first class accommodations that you won’t have to pay out the ass for, check out Hotel […]
What a dick. A man has been jailed after he encouraged a ‘backyard tattooist’ to draw a 40cm penis on […]
We’ve all been too drunk to drive home. That’s why people designate a driver, or if you don’t have any […]
Last night, Juno and Inception star Ellen Page proudly announced she’s gay. She did so at the LGBTQ youth conference […]
Major League Baseball lost an ambassador and friend of the game this week with the passing of former player and […]
Hosting the Olympic games is a huge honor, and huge undertaking, for any city. Between venue and course construction and […]
In the recently published Sports Illustrated piece about Michael Sam’s announcement that he’s gay, anonymous sources within the league said […]