Have any of you ever been in what I like to refer to as a "bar pickle?" A bar pickle is when you're having a great time slamming drinks with your friends but in the back of your mind, you are thinking about the cute blonde in the corner who you put 15 minutes of work in with earlier and is now dying to fuck... right this minute. She's not looking to play games or wait until last call. She wants dick now. For most Bros, the bar pickle poses a number of issues and dilemmas. Don't get me wrong, it's a great situation to find yourself in, but you gotta know how to execute properly. That's why I'm here to offer my own solution for the next time you find yourself torn between getting more wasted and piping out Eager Beaver. It's called BROFICIENCY...  Keep Reading »

It's risque. It is considered by some to be derogatory. It's downright amazing. It's... Doggy Style.

How many times, amid a steamy roll in the hay, have you been itching (scratching fleas, maybe, if you're from New Jersey) to get behind your smoking hot partner?

Doggy Style (the Latin more ferarum) has been around since Roman times. It is the optimal position for G-spot stimulation and, according to one of my meat head friends, the best position to flex and kiss your own bicep muscles. It also keeps you from having awkward face-to-face sex with someone that you (God forbid) may not be emotionally attached to.  Keep Reading »

How did it take us this long to hear about The Snuggie Sutra? Yes, this is a website devote to performing Kama Sutra (or a close facsimile) while wearing one or more Snuggies. Genius! The emphasis here seems to be on being warm and snuggly while having sex, but we suppose that's what should be expected when Snuggies come into play. In the "Tablecloth" above, "She lies on the table," according to the website. "He wears the Snuggie on his front while the bottom end covers her. It's just not a holiday without stuffing." After the jump, check out "The Cuddly Puppy" and "The Superwoman."  Keep Reading »

For years, I had kept my distance. Skeptical of their necessity in my life and unsure of why I would ever want to take something that would produce a boner that lasted longer than most of my relationships. As it turns out, my skepticism was founded on why I didn't need them, when I ought to have been focusing on why I should have wanted them. I realized this foolishness once a close friend raved about his own personal experience with Viagra. He too did not suffer from dick dysfunction, but he took them because they enhanced not only his erection, but his performance as well. After our conversation, I decided to throw caution to the wind and see what all the rage was about.

The very next weekend, when the opportunity was ripe, I poured myself some water, and I swallowed my first Viagra. In retrospect, I wish I drank a full gallon of water, because I proceeded to have the most dehydrating fuck-session of my young life. We went at it -- and by "we" I mean, me and this brassy dame I brought home that evening -- for nearly two hours. By the end of it, she spoke with a lisp and I drizzled so much man-icing on her face that it looked like goddamn Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. As for me, I was parched and staggering from all the fluid loss, but what had just occurred was a thing of beauty, and I was hooked.

For most of us, until we turn 50 years old and start suffering from a wrinkly, old scrotum, we will never possess the physical need to use Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis. Does that mean we shouldn't, though? Medically, I don't know that answer. But if all we are really worried about is our heart potentially exploding while we're balls deep in some broad, then I say, "bring it on!" I know I'd take my chances at having a stroke if it meant I can launch out an 8-roper covering some girls face and her belongings in my DNA. That's the American dream.  Keep Reading »

Editor's Note: This is a new column written by The Mighty Muffs, BroBible's new duo of hot chicks who are here to answer all your questions. Got a question for the Mighty Muffs? Send it to mightymuffs@brobible.com.

Even if you've never seen the classic "When Harry Met Sally," you probably know the famous scene where Harry (Billy Crystal) and Sally (Meg Ryan) are in a diner talking about orgasms. Sally says all women fake them, Harry insists he's too good in bed to have been with a woman who's faked it, and besides, he'd be able to tell. And then Sally schools his ass by delivering an Oscar-worthy fake orgasm right there in the restaurant. And, scene.

We're fairly certain most of you studs are convinced you're Harry, Lord of the Bedroom, so experienced and talented that there is just NO WAY a woman has ever faked it just to be done with you. And to that we say: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Statistically, it's happened to you. But we don't want it to happen again. So read below for descriptions of the good, the bad, and the total bullshit of the female sex noises.

Oh!

Among the most common of noises, this is a staple for most women. On the good side, Oh! is your pretty standard "I'm liking what you're doing and I'm about to cum" sound, particularly if it's uttered in quick succession at increasingly louder volume. You should be happy about eliciting the Oh! Beware, however. "Oh!" and "Ow!" sound a lot alike, and nothing ruins the mood like you banging away while she suffers a debilitating leg cramp.

Beware the Fake: If it's uttered monotonously, a la Lumberg in "Office Space," do both of you a favor and buy her a chocolate bar. She'll appreciate it more.  Keep Reading »

This is a new column written by The Mighty Muffs, BroBible's new duo of hot chicks who are here to answer all your questions. For more information about the Mighty Muffs, read to the bottom of this story.

We know anal sex is the holy grail of the hook-up. We, The Mighty Muffs, know this for several reasons: 1. In on our very scientific, statistically significant focus group of two, the requests we get for it are growing. Fast. 2. Thanks to our binge drinking, the memories of our college years are fading quickly, but from what we remember, the principles of supply and demand could have predicted this. The satisfaction of getting laid the "normal" way is inversely proportional to the sluttiness of chicks in general, and as more girls turn into whores earlier, the satisfaction of the kill is fleeting. 3. We hear the men in our lives talking about how they don't get enough of it because the girls won't ever do it.

So here's the dirty secret we'll let you in on: we girls want it too. The problem is, most of us don't know this because most of the time when the opportunity presents itself it's in the form of "Can I do you in the butt? Come on. Please?" Umm, no. That's a shitty way to proposition us (no pun intended) and no way to treat a lady. Especially a lady whose ass you'd like to be in. So we go on thinking it'll be terrible and you go on complaining that you'd like women more if they'd just give in. Well, we're tired of the complaining, and we could all just be happily having more anal sex if you follow these simple do's and don'ts:

Do:
Make sure you've both been drinking. For the first-timer especially, anal sex is scary, and it doesn't hurt to get a girl relaxed and get her feeling brave. And what is liquor if not liquid courage? We personally recommend tequila: while wine says, "I want to make love," tequila says, "I want to do you right, and wrong, and a little sloppy." If you really want to set the mood, some herbal encouragement goes a long way in turning "I don't think so" into "oh, YES."  Keep Reading »

We've all been there before. You did what you and everyone else at the bar thought was the hard part: getting the girl to leave with you. Whatever she said to you -- "Fine, I'll leave with you, but we're not hooking up" -- went in one ear and right out the other. Yeah right, sweetie, drop the innocent act, you little slut. You know exactly why were going back to my place -- whatever lets you sleep at night.

You hail a cab back to your place, offer the fine young lady a drink to ease her tensions, and then make your way to the bedroom... simple enough. At this point, you think you're gonna score as most of are led to believe as well. But to what degree? Well, that's another story.

Here comes the hard part: ensuring you get laid is the ultimate goal. If she's a complete whore, chances are you're golden; if not, it's gonna take some smooth talking and comforting on your end. You conquered getting to second base on the first hook-up in middle school but no matter what age, getting the chick to give up the holy grail isn't a guarantee. Chances are she's feeling a bit tense and doesn't want to come off like a total whore by letting you bang her within the first two minutes. Instead of forcing the issue by repeatedly pushing sex or even trying to warm-up the oven by going down on her, go with a different option to let her ease into the situation. The answer, my friend, is mutual masturbation.  Keep Reading »

This topic gets me all sorts of nostalgic because when I was in college the only good part about summer coming to an end was the arrival of fresh meat (and I don't mean the slop they serve in the dining halls). When I was a freshman I got my fair share of ass -- which also came along with had a handful of "Dear Jesus, I think I have AIDS" scares -- but it wasn't until my sophomore year, that I realized how incredibly easy it was to bed a freshman girl. And the first month of school, something that is approaching fast for a lot of you, is the perfect time to invade freshman vagina as if it were the fucking beach of Normandy. If you are a sophomore or older, and you don't still live in the dorms or suck your thumb, you need to keep one thing in mind; girls gravitate to older men, especially in college. So utilize the tricks below and you'll get to have your cunt and eat it too (if you so chose).

5. How to handle the girls with the long distance relationship - Hot girls in high school all have boyfriends --don't ask me why, I'm not a sociologist, I just accept it as a fact of life -- and most of them foolishly still have them when they go to college. Don't let this deter you though. She is going to miss her man, she is going to long for his touch, but she is in New York and Timmy is 3000 miles away in California. A true gentleman, such as yourself, would do the right thing and step in to be that shoulder for her to cry on, that ear for her to talk to and that throbbing cock for her to straddle.

4. How to gauge her interest - You've already lived a full year of college, so automatically you are way more interesting than she is. That alone will draw her in. Girls also like a sense of security, and since she is in an unfamiliar place, she is going to want a man who knows his way around -- the city and her vaginal walls. The simple truth is that there is no easier way to a freshman girl's crotch than to show her a good fucking time and take her to sick parties. Just be sure that she is not a Tim Tebow(cough virgin cough). If she still has her cherry intact, I suggest you take your cock elsewhere because fucking her is going to take a little thing my father likes to call "work", and you don't want any part of that.  Keep Reading »

Call it what you want -- fucking, boning, ravaging, dinner at grandma's -- but sex makes the world go round. If humans were forced to abstain from sex our species would eventually become extinct. Could you imagine if that happened? It would be like "Footloose" but only on a much larger and catastrophic scale. Hopefully, unlike "Footloose," it would be free from any ridiculous montages in which Kevin Bacon is cavorting around like a fruitcake.

I know for a fact that if I couldn't have sex -- something I cherish more than most friendships I have -- I'd lose my fucking marbles. And while this forced abstinence would cause regular whores, like your kid sister and me, to become depressed, it would literally kill sex addicts. These nymphomaniacs have a problem -- granted a much cooler one than say bulimia or Prader Willi syndrome, but a problem nonetheless.

I know what you're saying to yourself, "Gee whiz, how on earth would I know if I am a sex addict?" Well, champ, you first need to assess a few things. Is sex affecting your life negatively? And by that, I don't mean that you jerk off so much that all your socks can be used as casts or that you own and frequently use all four variations of the Fleshlight. I am referring to an addiction so great that it literally consumes and ruins your life -- like being fat. Below is a list of 15 ways for a man to determine if he might be a sex addict.

(Authors Note: I am not, nor have I ever been, a licensed sexologist. I also do not have any qualifications for correctly diagnosing sex addiction or even the common cold. I am merely a pervert who adores a nice muff and has a penchant disturbing things.)

A Man Might Be a Sex Addict If...

1. You've been hospitalized from trying to suck your own dick. We've all tried it, but if you have the fortitude to not give up once you realize you won't reach it, you're either a perfectionist or a weirdo.  Keep Reading »

Tired of having your good name inaccurately slandered by former one-night stands? Hate having awkward public run-ins with a broad you previously banged and hanged? You're not alone, friend. There comes a time in a man's life when he wishes he could have had the foresight to escape these unnecessary headaches by explaining himself and his intentions prior to tiptoeing out of a Jane's house before the sun came up. Thankfully, I believe I have come up with a viable solution to this problem. A few years ago, I figured out a way to end all confusion and female expectations by way of a very impersonal and unapologetic note. I don't take the time to personalize each note -- I am a busy man with many things to do -- but I have drafted this generic letter that, as you will see, is a classy way to end a one-night stand. Feel free to use it yourself.

~ FROM THE NIGHTSTAND OF WAFFLES MCBUTTER ~

Dear _______________,

I'm leaving you this memorandum because I wanted to let you know that I thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent together last evening. But although we shared a few laughs, exchanged pleasantries, and really got to know the best parts about each other -- my sharps wit, your superfluous tits -- you should know that unless you run into me in public, we will probably never speak again.

In any event, I wanted to thank you for the hours of emotionless sex; your vagina was truly a gracious host. I would also like to take this opportunity to apologize for vomiting on your stomach during orgasm; I've always had a trigger-happy gag reflex and sometimes it gets the best of me (if that didn't happen, consider yourself the lucky exception). There is a strong chance that neither of us remembers much of what occurred when we got back to your place and, quite frankly, I was probably blacked out for most of the sex. But later, when I notify my friends about how I railed you without mercy, I will mention that I not only made you believe in God, but that you will probably now require a prosthetic limb because of how hard I fucked you.  Keep Reading »

Sick and tired of failing at relationships? Are you in a tizzy over your ex-girlfriend posting pictures on Facebook that suggest she is now banging some other chap? Can't seem to ever find that girl who you want to commit to? Well friend, you're not alone. And I have a potential answer to all these problems, a way to escape your past relationship blunders, feel good about yourself, and drop a hot load in the process. The one-night stand!

Like most rational people, I hope to find a nice girl when I go out, but nine times out of 10 things don't pan out that way, so I go with plan B (not the infant killer, the other plan B). While being single for the last four years, I have learned something about myself -- I am horny as hell and hand release just doesn't cut it. Now I'd like to think of myself as a gentle and caring individual, so rather than date a girl who I don't really like -- wasting her time and mine -- I have become a gigantic fan of the one-night stand. It's clean, it's uncomplicated, it leaves me feeling a bit naughty and at the end of the day I can still look at the reflection I see in the mirror and shower it with pleasantries.

The one-night stand is not for everyone though, so please use discretion before proceeding. People who should avoid them are those who fall in love easily, suffer from bouts of sever epilepsy, or have the closing speed of an offensive lineman when it comes to sealing the deal.
Below is a list of Do's and Don'ts to follow throughout the night -- from getting dressed to your exit strategy.

Clothing:
Do wear something that you look good in and feel confident wearing. If you're unsure about what you're wearing, a strong chance exists that you look like a tool. If you generally dress like a turd, seek help from a girl.

Don't pop your collar, blow your hair out like a Guido (unless you're going out in Staten Island), or put on anything that is inappropriate for the situation. A three-piece suit is a first-class look for when you're out poaching cougars but it has no place being in a collegiate atmosphere.  Keep Reading »

That teenager Bristol Palin is now a spokesperson for teen abstinence is about as laughable as, well, her mother's vice presidency bid. Yes, Bristol, abstinence is the only 100% way to prevent teen pregnancy, but in the real world, where nearly 80% of teens have had sex by the age of 19, maybe admitting that Levi should have worn a condom is a better strategy.

I rarely drink white wine. Not because of its taste, in fact I rather enjoy the sweetness, but more so because it reminds me of a cocktail that my mother and her friends would order over Cobb salads while discussing the thread count of designer sheets. It's just so blah -- and practical -- it doesn't stain your teeth and it wouldn't even burn if you threw it in someone's face during a bar fight. Plus, it puts you to sleep... or so I thought.

The other night I arrived late to a party hosted by some of my snooty film buff friends and the only drink left was white wine. One glass turned into several and the next thing I know, I'm red faced and leading my boy toy towards the exit. After a wild and crazy session between the sheets that probably woke my neighbors and had them craving a cigarette, he turned to me and said, "If cheap white wine is all it takes for you to get like that, there's plenty more where that came from."

I always knew that alcohol had an effect on my desire to have sex, but I never realized how much influence it had over my sexual style. And really, such logic makes perfect sense. I behave completely differently after long night of pounding tequila shots verses chugging beer. And jungle juice... whoa... let's just say that is a sure fire way to succumb to the walk of shame.

So what is the perfect cocktail for a night of raucous debauchery? Just call me The Sexual Mixologist because after nights of exhausting research, I have determined the sexual effects of various types of alcohols. To gain a little insight into your late night plans, consider her drink of choice:


Whisk(e)y: There is a reason the slogan for Pendleton Canadian Whisky is "Let'er Buck": whisk(e)y chicks can buck all night. These girls are wild and probably no stranger to the mechanical bull in your local dive bar. Snag one of these firecrackers and you are in store for a wild night of girl-on-top sex. Feel free to give her a little spank -- don't worry, she'll like it.  Keep Reading »

Why are you watching this? Because you've always wanted to know who actually uses penis enlarger vacuums and how they actually work. SFW, we promise.

Having an orgasm is like taking a trip to Baskin Robins. As soon as I open the thick glass doors, the familiar scent causes my pulse to race and the hair on my arms to stand erect. Rows of creamy flavors tempt me from their glass casing. And even though there are 31 combinations to tickle each of my senses, ultimately I indulge in only one, maybe two. But the appeal is in knowing that I could have all 31 if I so desired. That is kind of how I feel about orgasms. As a woman, I have the ability to experience multiple orgasms, but at the end of the day, I am happy with just one, maybe two. And sometimes for whatever reason, the flavor I order or the position I try is good, yet it does not completely satisfy my sweet tooth. I then have two options. I can take out my frustration on the helpless salesperson/guy I'm sleeping with or I can act like a big girl and happily lick my cone/fake an orgasm. Because really, when all is said and done, it's still good, it's still ice cream. Why cause unnecessary drama?

But it seems my logic has caused a little controversy. Apparently, my story about how to tell when a girl is faking an orgasm even made one poor Yale student cry... a little. Chin up sweetie, faking orgasms is like donating old clothes to the needy: It's supposed to make you feel good afterwards. Especially when the charitable act is done by your own free will, rather than your Mom demanding you clean out the closet out of your old room to make space for her crap. For most women, sex does not always lead to an orgasm. Not only do we require a combination of clitoral stimulation and penetration to achieve the Big O, but sometimes even that doesn't do the trick -- and (gasp!) it is not the guy's fault. Sometimes a woman's emotional state of mind can impact her ability to orgasm. Being tired, stressed, or even having a fat day, can make us feel completely unsexy and impair our ability to come.  Keep Reading »