Last year, a mere 24 hours after losing my dream job, my boyfriend decided to break up with me. When he showed up at my apartment for an unexpected "talk," I was so disoriented by the recent change in my professional life that I didn't quite register what he was saying. After listening to him babble in circles for what seemed like hours, I stammered, "Are you seriously breaking up with me the day after I lost my job?" He froze like a deer in headlights. A deer that I wanted to hit head on with my car at 70 mph. "Fuck, why don't you just kick my dog and pour some sugar in my gas tank while you're at it?" I said with clenched fists and a glare in my eye. He muttered something about being sorry and left before I could give him a shiner.

Now that some time has passed and the pins are out of my voodoo doll, I am able to look at the situation more objectively. And you know what? I still think he is a douche bag. Not for breaking up with me, mind you -- the relationship had truly run its course -- but for his lousy technique and cruel timing. Breakups are tough for all parties involved, no matter if you are the heartbreaker or have just had your heart broken. Breakups leave us feeling vulnerable, insecure, angry and sad. But sometimes they are necessary, especially when one person is not fully committed to the relationship. To quote the infamous Charlie Brown, "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."

Despite the reason behind the breakup, there is no need for unnecessary callousness. Plus, we are less likely to key your car or sleep with your best friend if you show us a little respect. With that in mind, I have created a list of suggestions for breaking up with your girlfriend.

Don't end the relationship...

...within 72 hours of her birthday or another major holiday. Chances are, you have already bought her a gift and she will probably say thank you between the sheets, so hold out for just a bit longer.  Keep Reading »

As a kid growing up in the suburbs, I played a lot of tag. Which in hindsight is really the worst game ever. There is no strategy involved, no sense of accomplishment at the end, and really, no fun position to be. The "tagger" always ends up tired and frustrated, while the "tagee" spends most of the game hiding behind a bush, covered in dirt. Good times all around, right? Plus, there is no actual set of rules and no time clock to signify when the game has ended. Occasionally, we threw in the whole "no tag-backs" clause, but in actuality, that did not create much organization. So why did I continue to play a pointless, structure-less game throughout my childhood? Simple. I liked the chase. And it seems I still do.

Twenty years later, I'm still playing tag, only now it's called dating, and I still don't understand the rules -- or the point -- for that matter. With 41% of marriages ending in divorce, the whole notion of happily ever after seems as transparent as Cinderella's glass slipper. But maybe the hapless couples and their idiotic beliefs of monogamy are not to blame. Mac Dre was right, "Don't hate the player, hate the game." Which is why I've decided that instead of focusing on the outcome and trying to crack the code as to what constitutes a happy relationship, maybe I need to skew my way of thinking and focus on the matter at hand. I need to embrace tag and its adult counterpart, and not only accept, but also learn how to perfect this game of chase.

As in tag, the first step is to identify whether you are on the offensive or defensive. Are you doing the chasing or are you being chased? Assuming it is the former (girls do not usually have to chase guys -- low-cut shirts and shots of tequila seem to work just fine), figure out what you are trying to accomplish by playing this game. Whether the desired result is a relationship or a booty-call, it is good to have an idea in mind because that will surely affect your strategy.  Keep Reading »

Ever been curious how many dudes your girl has slept with? Sure, you could ask her, but she'll probably lie about her number. After all, you would probably do the same. According to a nationwide survey conducted by the federal government, 29 percent of American men and nine percent of American women report to having 15 or more sexual partners throughout their lifetime. Findings also indicate that "the median number of lifetime female sexual partners for men was seven; the median number of male partners for women was four." Seven? Four? Seriously? Someone is lying. Scratch that, everyone is lying. Even wikianswers.com.

Luckily, I've come up with a solution to find out the truth once and for all. Drawing upon one of my all-time favorite drinking games, "Never Have I Ever," I have created a sure-fire method to tell if the notches in her bedpost have reached the double digits. To play, start with the number 4, since that's the most commonly reported figure, and answer the following questions with your girl in mind.

Add one if she...
- Has a tattoo (add an additional point for a tramp stamp)
- Has been in a sorority
- Has any piercings below the neck
- Has gone on Spring Break in Mexico
- Has mirrored closets
- Does keg stands
- Wears black lace underwear
- Wears giant hoop earrings
- Keeps condoms in her car
- Can out-drink you
- Attended Catholic High School
- Uses profanity in everyday conversation
- Goes crazy when the song, "Pour Some Sugar on Me" comes on
- Likes pearl necklaces -- and not the kind you find in jewelry stores
- Enjoys going to strip clubs
- Watches porn  Keep Reading »

I love pizza. All kinds. Especially, a thin crust topped with pineapple. But, if I had to eat it every night I'd get bored of it. Soon my boredom would morph into anger, followed by resentment, and pretty soon I'd start to hate the very thing that I once loved. That's kind of why I find fault with monogamy.

Humans, like most mammals, are not wired to be monogamous. According to scientific research, out of over 4,000 mammalian species, only beavers and a couple of other rodents, otters, bats, certain foxes, and a few hoofed mammals are actually classified as monogamous. Why is it that we group men and women in the same category as otters? Hell, even rattlesnakes know better than to spend their entire life with only one other snake.

Is it time that we ignore this notion of coupling off in favor of our genetic predisposition of promiscuity? Would your life be better if you had more than one girlfriend? It seems to work well enough for Hugh Heffner. Although interestingly enough, Heffner's 18-year-old son, Marston, has no desire to follow in his father's romantic footsteps, claiming, "I'm not going to have multiple girlfriends -- not at the same time. I can't imagine that."

Still, there are plenty of Bros that could imagine that. During an interview last year with vibe.com, Akon revealed his feelings towards polygamy by saying, "I think the average guy is doing [it] right now. He's just not married. Everybody that I hang with got multiple girlfriends." While fans were all up and arms about Akon's Big Love-ish beliefs, at the end of the day, maybe the idea of engaging in multiple relationships should not be such a fantasy after all?

That said, Bros, there is definitely a right and wrong way to date more than one woman at the same time. With this in mind, I've complied a list of suggestions:  Keep Reading »