Every bro who fancies himself a decent cook should have at least one "secret" recipe in his repertoire. Chili, pizza crust, pot brownies; there should be at least one thing you make better than anybody else.

Gumbo is one of those recipes that people hold on to like family secrets. I've heard of Louisiana patriarchs getting buried with their gumbo recipes. It takes a bit of technique but once you master it, this will be that ace-in-the-hole that you do better than anybody else.  Keep Reading »

So I usually focus on guy food (fatty, meaty, starchy, greasy, cheesy, salty goodness) because, well,that's the kind of food I eat when I'm with my bros. Pizza, wings, nachos. I eat like a pig when I'm with my buddies because I can't do it around my girl or she will think, rightly so I might add, that I am a human garbage dispose-all.

So most nights out of the week I cook for her and me and try to impress her with my culinary skills every time. That is how I got to her in the first place. Trust me, guys, other than a silver tongue, quick wit, and a big cock, the only thing a girl wants is a guy that knows how to apply heat to food. So here's a recipe I cooked the other night for my girl that made her very happy, along with some general cooking-for-women guidelines. Hopefully it'll get the job done for you, too.  Keep Reading »

Is there any other food that is geared more toward men than German food? The pungent flavors of sauerkraut and spicy mustard along with succulent sausages and crispy fried wiener schnitzel are perfectly geared toward fall tailgates and the beer-bellied men that attend them. No salads or dainty portions here. Plus, many German recipes like the braised cabbage and beer brats here call for beer as an ingredient and, as I've written before, cooking with beer is the shit.

Beer Brats with Braised Cabbage

Ingredients:
2 slices bacon, diced
1 onion, sliced thinly
0.25 cup brown mustard
0.5 head of cabbage, shredded
4 fresh bratwurst sausages (not that precooked bullshit)
1 Oktoberfest beer
Salt and pepper  Keep Reading »

As men it is our duty to carry out tasks around the house that women are unable to do themselves. Change a flat, take out the trash, pick up dog shit, and, perhaps the most important, kill bugs dead. Protecting our homes from invasion of miniature six- or eight-legged predators is a duty passed down through generations of dads, rolled up newspaper in hand. But some bugs are too big to be killed with just a Sunday section of the Times; some bugs get boiled and eaten.

While walking past my local fish market the other day I noticed a sign that read "Today Only Live Lobsters $4.99/lb." "Holy shit," I exclaimed, and detoured inside, inquiring the small man behind the counter about the origin of such a steal on the water bugs. He told me that he simply had a surplus of local lobster and lowered prices to sell more. I took two and put them in the fridge until my girlfriend came home and almost passed out when she opened the door to get some lemonade.

Some people (pussies) might be squeamish about killing live lobsters to eat them but really, they are just bugs. Like stomping out a cockroach or burning ants with a magnifying glass, boiling or steaming live lobsters is just the same. Here's all you'll need for a fancy lobster dinner.  Keep Reading »

Growing up in Texas, I became extremely fond of two types of cuisines that I'm exploring this week: Tex-Mex and barbecue. I've said a word or two before about barbecue and I could wax poetic all day long about brisket and ribs, but this time I'm going to provide you with a lesson in Tex-Mex that'll make your mouth water and your guests beg for more.

Used to denote any regional Mexican cuisine in the Southern U.S., the term "Tex-Mex" is often bastardized by chains with bland salsas and burnt chips. But real Tex-Mex food, the stuff that the guys in the kitchen cook for their families, is a thing of beauty.

Spicy, greasy, and cheesy, my Chorizo enchiladas with Hatch Chile sauce are the perfect example of a real Tex-Mex dish. Chorizo is a spicy sausage that comes either fresh or cured. Fresh chorizo, the Mexican kind, is a key ingredient in breakfast tacos from the Rio Grande to the Red River but in other parts of the country the Spanish-cured chorizo, a staple in paella, is more familiar. Made with lots of garlic and paprika, fresh chorizo leaks this delectable red grease that drips from the bottom of the best breakfast tacos, a sure fire way to tell a hell of a taco.

The Hatch chile is one of my favorite ingredients to work with. The king of chile peppers, it comes from Hatch, New Mexico, and is the only thing the town is famous for. Sweet and spicy, this chile is the key ingredient in the best green sauces in all of Southwestern cuisine. In New Mexico they're so obsessed with it they put it on everything: pizza, burgers, ice cream, anything, and everything. It just so happens that the end of summer is the perfect time to get Hatch chiles at the peak of their flavor.  Keep Reading »

Ultimate truths are very simple. Children are the future. Love is all you need. Barbecue is fucking awesome. This is one of the maxims I try to live my life by every day. The truth is I could eat barbecue every day for every meal for the rest of my life and be very content; quite possibly the happiest man alive. I love it so much that I crave it like a pregnant woman craves pickles, like college students crave shitty beer. But alas, I live in New York City, where, along with my vehicle, I forfeit my right to have an enormous smoker big enough to fit a suckling pig on my balcony. So during my recent week-long trip to the Lone Star State I crammed in as much smoky meat as I could both at restaurants and at home, where I have a smoker.

There are a few factors to consider when barbecuing. Should I use a wet mop or a dry rub? What kind of wood should I use to smoke? What cuts of meat work best for barbecue? What are the secrets to take my barbecue up to the next level of awesome? The answers to these questions will vary according to which part of the United States you are in but here's what works for me.

When it comes to pork shoulder (aka butt) I like to use a combination of dry rub for cooking and wet mop to moisten all the chopped up pork. I used Texas post oak because that's what grows where I light my fire. You can use hickory, mesquite, applewood, or any untreated wood you so desire. The shoulder works best for pulled pork because the connective tissue and fat respond well to slow cooking over fire. The low temperature and long time breaks down the connective tissue and melts the fat into the meat. I believe the secret to my pulled pork is three-fold. Make sure to follow these steps and you can't fuck this up:  Keep Reading »

Meatloaf is one of my favorite dishes for a few reasons:

1. The words "meat" and "loaf" together sound kind of dirty and it can be used as a euphemism for a thick dick.
2. It's a kitchen sink dish. I make meatloaf when I need to clean out my fridge. Anything can and everything must go in it.
3. It shares a name with a rock legend.
4. Making meatloaf allows for making meatloaf sandwiches, the best leftover dish since the Thanksgiving sandwich, later in the week.

My recipe uses beef, pork, and veal for a rounded flavor and a lot of moisture. Caramelizing the vegetables with bacon fat and tomato paste and then reducing the beer adds a tremendous depth of flavor. These are the two true keys to unlocking the secrets of the loaf.

Ingredients:  Keep Reading »

Cooking with beer is not only fun and delicious, but it'll also make you look like a bad ass because beer is a bad-ass ingredient right up there with bacon and chocolate. I've brought you recipes and beer reviews but I've yet to explain how they affect each other during cooking nor have I focused on the symbiotic taste relationship that results in a flavor orgasm. Beer provides richness and a depth of flavor to braised meats like this kick-ass Flintstone-looking lamb shank I'm servin' up today.

Lamb is such a flavorful meat and shanks are a cheap cut. The shank is near the hoof of the animal and contains locomotive muscles that can be tough if it isn't cooked for a long time. The connective tissue in the shank breaks down and makes the sauce succulent and glossy.

Arrogant Bastard Ale, with a dark and medium body and a stiff head, is a beer I've had many times and enjoy revisiting, especially this week, because it lends such a rich flavor to the lamb and it's just a great beer. Its arrogance comes from its intense flavor and smiling demon on the cover touting, "You can't handle it," but the incredibly strong hops and sweet malt make this beer's bite bigger than its bark.

I'm using the beer like wine is used in an osso bucco, a dish made with a good red and veal shank. Here, the ale, combined with vegetables and stocks, add lots of flavor and help break down rough, sinewy meat.  Keep Reading »

Getting sloshed with the boys on the weekend is a given. What's better after a long week of work or class than to cut loose and drink till you can't see? The only problem with weekend drinking is that it ends when the sun comes up. It has a constant, looming expiration date. Luckily, the gods have smiled upon you and invented brunch. A three-fer, brunch is an excuse to wake up late, lump meals together, and continue to drink. My favorite meal of the week is usually the one I eat when I'm feeling the worst.

Brunch, though totally awesome, has its drawbacks as well. First of all, it's not a secret. Every place that serves a pre-fix brunch menu is packed on Saturday and Sunday mornings, making it all the more difficult to calm that throbbing head with packs of catty girls regaling the stories of last night's hook-ups. The drinks are girly and never strong enough, the eggs are over cooked, the bacon is soggy, and a snarling waitress who can still smell the liquor seeping out of you serves it all up. Plus, having worked in a restaurant during some really busy brunch shifts, I can tell you the entire kitchen staff is cursing your name and "accidentally" dropping your food on the floor. (Don't you dare send that shit back.) Here's a brunch menu for you and the boys that you can eat in your pj's in front of the TV.

Eggs Bro-nedict | Serves 2

Ingredients:
4 slices bacon, cut in half
0.5 onion, chopped
1 jalapeno, chopped
1 chorizo link, chopped
4 button mushrooms, chopped
2 eggs
0.5 cup milk
0.5 cup beer
1 Tbsp. cream cheese
1 cup shredded Monterrey jack cheese
1 Tbsp. of your favorite hot sauce
1 English muffin, split and toasted  Keep Reading »

The manliest of man food, there is no dish that makes me celebrate my masculinity more than a good steak. I just want meat on a plate. Don't give me any sauce, sides, or utensils cause I'm just gonna go at this baby with my bare hands and teeth. Just the thought of eating steak rustles up animalistic tendencies. A T-bone makes me want to play football, a ribeye makes me want to slug whiskey from the bottle, and tenderloin makes me want to wear a suit and get it dirty. I have seen a few mis-steaks (sorry) when it comes to applying heat to meat and I intend to correct them here. The most important thing in cooking steak, as in the life of a man, is to have confidence. So gnash your teeth, bare your chest and scratch your ass, men. Let's cook a steak!

The biggest mistake you can make with steak (as with most any food) is to over-cook it. I'm going to teach you two words that will forever gain you the respect of your peers when out at restaurants, "Medium-rare." No ifs, ands, buts, and definitely no well-dones. That shit's weak. As Tom Colicchio like to say, it's already dead, you didn't need to kill it again. If you want to eat a piece of leather go to Applebee's. I'm a man and I like my meat bloody. Here's a technique for cooking steak at home so that you will never overcook your steak. Poke your cheek with your finger: rare. Poke your chin: medium-rare (that's the sweet spot). Poke the tip of your nose: medium. Poke your forehead: medium-well. Lick the bottom of your shoe: well done.

Ingredients:
1 tsp. canola oil
1 6-8 oz. filet of beef tenderloin (filet mignon)
1 tbsp. of kosher salt
1 tbsp. coarse fresh cracked black pepper
1 tbsp. cold butter  Keep Reading »

Not very long ago my friend told me that Kentucky Fried Chicken was the most popular fast food restaurant in the world. I dismissed him immediately noting that nothing is bigger than the McMonster; KFC's worldwide popularity still confounds me. Fried chicken is one of those dishes that I love but can only bring myself to eat about once a year (for fear of dying of heart disease at 30), and you can bet that once a year doesn't come from a bucket with Colonel Sanders' face on it.

Luscious, crispy, meaty, hot, salty, spicy. Fried chicken is one of my guilty pleasures. If it didn't make me fat, I would eat fried chicken in a dark room by myself every day for three meals until my fingers and lips glistened.

It's kind of like cheating on your girlfriend. Once you start to think about eating fried chicken you feel guilty about how fucking bad it is for your body. Then you get a glimpse of it and then you get a whiff of it and it starts to seem like a good idea, and by the time you take that first bite you're tearing into those golden breasts and thighs so hard you don't stop till you need a cigarette.

This is a dish you can't make for your girl because it will make her fat and she will think you are a slob. Make it for the guys, make it once a year, and make it delicious by following a few simple steps.  Keep Reading »

Earlier today we served up some killer quesadillas, pico de gallo, and guac. While we're on the subject of kick-ass Mexican appetizers, I'd like to give a shout out to the Jalapeno Popper. This cheese-stuffed, flavor missile is on every sports bar and wing-joint menu but here's a little secret; none of them make them fresh. They open the freezer and drop a few X Brand Jalapeno Poppers into the fryer for a few minutes and serve them along side Hidden Valley Ranch. Try my recipe and you'll never go back to lackluster imitations.

Jalapeno Poppers

Ingredients:
8 jalapenos
0.25 lb. grated Monterey Jack and cheddar cheeses
0.25 cup flour
2 eggs
0.5 cup bread crumbs
Salt and pepper
2 cups canola oil (for frying)
Sour cream  Keep Reading »

I love Mexican food. Nothing gets me all hot in the trousers like the myriad combinations of cheese, tortillas, and hot chiles. Enchiladas, empanadas, tacos, burritos, chalupas, and my favorite, quesadillas, satisfy my soul and hit a hunger pang deep inside my belly that makes me sleep like a baby afterward. The Mexican version of the grilled cheese is better in every way than its American counterpart. The shredded cheese that goes into a quesadilla melts more evenly than Kraft singles. A crisp, barely there tortilla doesn't mask the highlight of the dish -- the cheese -- the way a hefty slice of Texas toast can do for a grilled cheese. And finally, the quesadilla requires no press or fancy equipment, just a fold and a flip and you're on your way to Mexican heaven.

Chipotle Chicken Quesadillas

Ingredients:
1 small can chipotles in adobo (smoked jalapenos packed in a vinegary sauce)
1 tsp. each chile powder, cumin, paprika, salt, and Mexican oregano
1 chicken breast, cut into strips
0.25 lb. sharp cheddar cheese, grated
0.25 lb. Monterey Jack cheese, grated
2 burrito-size tortillas
2 tbsp. pico de gallo (recipe follows)  Keep Reading »

There are classic dishes whose pervasiveness transcends gender, color, or creed, foods that no matter where or how you grew up, you grew up eating them and now as an adult (of sorts) you must now know how to cook them. Macaroni and cheese, pot roast, chocolate chip cookies, and my personal favorite, spaghetti and meatballs.

Yeah, I know, it's an Italian dish, but can you name any of your friends' mothers, Italian or not, who don't have a spaghetti and meatballs recipe tucked in their back pocket for special occasions? This dish is as much Americana as Jell-O molds and tater tots. You grew up eating it, now you're a grown up cooking it. Pay attention.

Ingredients:
1 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
5 garlic cloves, divided and minced
1/2 cup red wine
1 large can crushed tomatoes
1 tbsp. plus 1 tsp. each dried oregano, basil, and thyme
Salt and pepper to taste

1/2 lb. ground beef (80/20, lean/fat)
1/4 cup bread crumbs
1/2 cup fresh grated parmesan cheese, divided
1 egg

1 lb dried spaghetti noodles

Directions:
In a large pot over medium heat, heat the olive oil and sweat the onion and 3 of the garlic cloves for about five minutes. Add the wine and reduce till it has almost all evaporated. Fancy French cooks call this consistency "au sec."  Keep Reading »

Pizza is a food group for guys. It's the stuff of gospel for people all across the nation from New York to California. Everybody has their neighborhood place and everybody, save for a few tasteless idiots who are beyond saving, loves it. I'm rabid for the stuff myself and living in NYC, I get no shortage of terrific pies. But the fact that most folk get their pizza from a Hut or from the freezer depresses the shit out of me. This is my plea. Make your own pizza. It's not hard, it's delicious, and people will think you're cool. This may not be the path to pizza pie perfection, but with enough tinkering you'll find a method that works for you.

1 cup warm water
2 tbsp. yeast
3.5 cups flour
5 tbsp. olive oil, divided
2 tbsp. honey
pinch of salt
0.5 cup jarred tomato sauce
8 oz. fresh mozzarella cheese, sliced thick
8 oz. pepperoni sliced thin  Keep Reading »