Drink this: Plymouth Gin rickey
Not that: gin and tonic
Yes, a gin and tonic is a refreshing go-to cocktail that you should fee completely entitled to order when out with friends at 3 a.m. in your local drunk tank. But if it's pre-midnight and gin's your game, I suggest opting for this fresh and bubbly drink instead. Consisting of a combination of gin, fresh lime juice, and soda water, the gin rickey is light and refreshing. Class it up even more by using Plymouth -- a not-too-heavy-but-still-flavorful version of the spirit.

Drink this: Michelada
Not that: Bud Light Lime

When Budweiser decided to cash in on the Mexican delight known as a Michelada, they came up with the piss poor excuse for beer known as Bud Light Lime. This, my bros, is the equivalent of citrus-flavored piss in a cup. If you lose your dignity and/or self respect at some point when out with, well, anyone, and decide that ordering a Bud Light Lime is an option, I strongly suggest you go for the real thing instead. Here's what you're getting yourself into: Take a pint glass and rim the edge with salt. Fill the glass with ice and add a splash of fresh lime juice and a dash of red pepper or Tobasco if you don't have red pepper. Pour a beer -- preferably a Mexican one such as Pacifico or Dos Equis Amber -- into the glass and sip. Say what you will about their soccer team (and anti-drug enforcement policies), Mexicans know how to drink a beer. [Photo Via]

Drink this: Woodford Reserve Manhattan on the rocks
Not that: Jack and Coke

Just about every bro I know will, at one point in the evening, head for the standard bro go-to drink... Jack and Coke. Fair enough -- I've been know to have a J&C session or two myself -- but if you're starting your evening out with anyone of importance in front of whom you don't want to look like you're already four deep, try classing it up a bit. Woodford Reserve, like Jack Daniels, is a bourbon... but one of exquisite taste. Made in small batches in old-school Kentucky style, it's as smooth as bourbon whiskey can get and features fine notes of vanilla and smoke that make it as easy to sip neat as it is to sip in a cocktail. Because you J&C-ers like your whiskey with something sweet, adding a touch sweet vermouth to the fineness of Woodford will simulate the same desired effect of a Jack and Coke, albeit much more pleasantly on your palette. Putting it on the rocks, instead of in a martini glass as Manhattans are classically drunk, gives this cocktail that manly touch.

Drink this: Coconut liqueur and soda with a splash of lime
Not that: Mojito

I understand every now and then a bro's gotta chick-out and order a mojito. It is, after all, refreshing, alcohol-laden, and pretty to look at. It's also a pain in the ass for a bartender to make... especially if ordered at any drinking hole that is not a tiki lounge. (Yes, these are ordered at dive bars, and every time it happens, God kills a kitten.) If you're a self-proclaimed mojito drinker, I suggest ordering the following instead: coconut liqueur and soda with a splash of lime. So this doesn't actually have a name (free points to anyone who comes up with one), but here's why it will sate your craving for that sweet summertime flavor: coconut liqueur tends to be fairly sweet, but ordered on its own can be sugar overload. By cutting the saccharine side with fresh lime, you'll get a flavor that's both sweet and tart, similar to that of the mojito. Top it off with some bubbles and you'll find yourself as refreshed, and looking way less douchy. You'll be lucky if your local carries Kalani -- a phenomenal coconut liqueur from the Yucatan Peninsula -- but if it doesn't, coconut rum like Malibu or Cruzan will do. Just don't let your buddies and/or girlfriend catch you ordering Malibu by name -- you'd be better off sticking with the mojito.

Drink this: Sweet Martini
Not that: Appletini, Cosmopolitan, any other fruiti drink ending in 'tini' and served up.

Any self-respecting bro would never order a cosmopolitan, or an appletini for that matter. That said, not everyone has a palette for ice-cold vodka served straight up. If you happen to be in a crowd that rolls five-pre-dinner-martini-style, the last thing you want to do is to come back from the bar holding a cheesy green or pink cocktail in your hand. Then again, trying to keep up with the rest of your crew could be disastrous if you're not used to straight anything. Instead of coming to bats with either situation, order a Sweet Martini.

If you don't know, a regular martini is made with any choice of vodka or gin (aficionados will insist that a real martini is made with gin) and dry vermouth. If someone orders a "dry" martini, this means less vermouth. "Bone dry" means no vermouth. A Sweet Martini, on the other hand is vodka or gin with sweet vermouth, which is, believe it or not, sweet, though not overpoweringly so, as it doesn't contain the sugary aspect of something like apple pucker, featured prominently in the appletini.  Keep Reading »

With Memorial Day upon us, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you'll be drinking beer this weekend... a lot of beer. Yes, Bud Lights are great for the beach and late night strip flip cup tournaments, but for dinner? You might as well drink piss in a red plastic keg cup. Instead of slugging a 30-pack to your Memorial Day BBQ, step your game up a notch and go for something a bit classier that will not only compliment your meal (yes, burgers and hot dogs), but will also impress your buddies.

Drink This, Not That!
While the world of Belgian beer may seem like a labyrinth of unfamiliar flavors and hardcore alcohol percentages that will knock you on your ass (it is), the phenomenal brew Grimbergen Abbey Dubbel is relatively tame in comparison to some and very drinkable. Made in the Trappist style, a.k.a. the original style that monks use (hence "Abbey" in the title), this "dubbel," or double, is amber in color and has a rich flavor that's mildly hop-y and has notes of spice and even chocolate.  Keep Reading »

Going to dinner with your new girl? Meeting your GF's parents for the first time? Taking clients out? Whatever the occasion, I get it -- you need to kick things off right.

First of all, always offer up the option of wine -- it's just classy. Second, always go for a bottle: Not only does it add to the ambiance of your meal, there are 4 glasses in a bottle so a $42 bottle of vino that costs $8/glass will end up being cheaper than ordering glass by glass.

That said, nothing makes a strong first impression like a man who takes charge of the wine list -- even if you don't know what you're doing. While I won't go into the details of vintage or producer, if you're ordering red and you're unsure about what to order, always go for pinot noir. It's an extremely versatile red that has enough girth to hold up to steak -- especially steak au poivre as pinots tend to feature some amount of spice -- but it can be light enough to drink with (and dare I say, complement?) heartier fish such as tuna. Chances are you're American... and have a fruit and sweet-loving American palette, so your best bet is a fruit-forward American red. The best, in my opinion, hail from the Northwest, in particular the Williamette Valley in Oregon and Washington. So check the wine list -- it will likely have the region listed after the name of the producer -- and order it by the name of the producer. Example: "Could we please get a bottle of the A to Z pinot noir?"  Keep Reading »

If you've been dousing yourself in well vodka for so long that your pickled brain can't come up with something classy enough to impress, our weekly column "Drink This, Not That!" is here to help. Last week we introduced you to the Hangar One Lime Gimlet; today, we're saying to hell with swine flu, and reaching for the tequila.

The Usual: Scotch on the Rocks

Whether it's Dewar's, Johnny Walker Black, or Macallan 12, a scotch on the rocks is the token go-to bevvy for an evening out with the boss. Just to be clear, there's nothing really wrong with ordering this cocktail. It's classy enough and, if you order a single malt, it can even make you seem somewhat interesting. Unfortunately, it's also boring and expected and really won't make you stand out to those you're trying to impress.

If you prefer your wine plaid, you likely have the type of palette that can not only take a hard liquor, but can decipher the various flavors washing over your tastebuds, despite the high alcohol strength.  Keep Reading »

Another long day at work. Another countdown until the clock hits 5 p.m. Another sprint to your favorite watering hole Another (and another and another) cheesy frat-boy cocktail? Sure, there's a time and a place for gin and tonics, jack and cokes, even the occasional Long Island Iced Tea (though this is limited and should never be ordered anywhere near anyone respectable), but be honest, when it comes down to it, your measly, plebeian go-to bevvy won't make your boss/girlfriend/girlfriend's father think any higher of you.

If you've been dousing yourself in well vodka for so long that your pickled brain can't come up with something classy enough to impress, take a gander at our guide to drinking -- REAL drinking. As a current bartender and longtime borderline alcoholic, I've had my fair share of crap, and have been lucky enough to experience some legitimately great beverages. I've also had the advantage of seeing what happens when either is ordered. Take it from me, it can get ugly. To save you the embarrassment of being pegged as an amateur drinker, try forgoing your regular for the next step up. We're calling this weekly column "Drink This, Not That." You can thank us later for the raise.

The usual: Vodka and cranberry

First of all, this is called a Cape Codder. Why? Because Cape Cod is the second largest producer of cranberries in the country and the first to produce them. If you must order one, from now on, order it as such. If a Cape Codder is your drink, it's likely that you enjoy the combo of sweet and bitter that cranberry juice imparts on your taste buds. Instead of going out on a limb and getting something fruit-tastic or a bold smokey mezcal, stick with what you like.  Keep Reading »