In just a few days, the Aughties will be over and the second decade of the 21st century will begin. Over the last few weeks, the Internet has been clogged with a ceaseless and subjective barrage of "end of the decade" lists, including our own contributions on the best catch phrases and the lowest moments in sports. Rather than further recapping and exhausting the priceless moments of the last decade, we've rounded-up over 300 "end of decade" listicles in order to create the Ultimate List of End of Decade Lists. Our massive meta listicle/link-dump will redirect you to some of the best retrospectives and recaps floating around the cacophonous sea of the Internet. If you're a historian attempting to unearth a little social, cultural, political, perspective on the first decade of the 21st century, consider this an exhausting guide to the "Aughties," or whatever the heck they actually end up calling the past ten years. For the rest of you, this list of links is a great boredom-buster for anyone who's needs to kill a few hours before a week of New Years parties and college football bowls. The list is by no means comprehensive, so feel free to list links other "end of decades" lists in the comments.  Keep Reading »

Each morning, like most of you, I wake up, contemplate suicide, and then reluctantly drag myself to work. To say that I dread going to my job would be a complete understatement. I can honestly declare that I'd rather have someone take a potato peeler to my dick than go to work most mornings. Nothing about my job makes me look forward to being there. Not even the mirror in the men's room can lift my spirits. But what truly makes me loathe my job more than the non-stimulating work, the chair bound to give me a compressed spinal cord, and the shitty coffee in the break room is the people I am forced to encounter each day. Below is a list of these people.

10. Hot Intern: I'll start with you because for obvious reasons, you are the only person in the office that I can tolerate. It's no secret that you were hired for three reasons; your gorgeous face, your perfect areolas, and your dick-sucking prowess. But, it's safe to say that if your face were to get rearranged in a horrific accident, I would hate your fucking guts, too. Now spread 'um.

9. The Creep: The year-after-year winner of the highly coveted "Most Likely to Rape a Co-worker Award." Your uncomfortable stares and cigarette breath are only outshined by your complete lack of hygiene and inch-long nostril hair. How you have not been convicted of a sex crime is truly remarkable. All I can guess is that you must do a hell of a job at hiding the remains of the women you probably hack to pieces in your spare time. And for that I am forced to commend you.

8. The Ass Kisser: It is probably a misnomer to refer to this person simply as an "ass kisser," since this guy or girl would eat the janitor's dick cheese if it meant a promotion. While I'm generally a selfish prick who won't lift a finger if to lend a hand, the Ass Kisser runs around the office like his dick's just caught fire, making small talk about the climate and kissing every ass in a mile-wide radius. If this overly enthusiastic tool is in your office, I bet just like me you'll hope to be present on the day they perish.  Keep Reading »

Sascha Baron Cohen's highly anticipated "Bruno" opens tonight, which means last night on "Late Show with David Letterman," the gay Austrian model himself delivered the Top 10 List: Top Ten Reasons To See The New Movie "Bruno." We especially like the use of "uber" for "over" in #7.

While pumping iron last night at my local New York Sports Club -- between the bouts of gawking at cute little vixens, thinking about things I'd rather be doing (coitus with said vixens) and actually working out -- something dawned on me. Every single gym I have ever been too is exactly the same. Sure the facilities and machinery may differ, but the patrons are all eerily similar.

Even though I am a personal trainer (non-practicing), I still only go to the gym because I am programmed too, not because I love doing it. While I'm there, all I want is solitude, a freshly Windex'd mirror, my music and whatever malice-filled thoughts I need to get through it. Unfortunately for me, other people exist, so this heavenly scenario is impossible. Below is a list of some of the people that I sadly keep finding at every gym I have ever gone too.

(Side Note: This does not apply to anyone who works out in a home gym, unless of course, you suffer from severe schizophrenia.)

1. The Playa: This guy usually is in pretty good shape, although you rarely see him doing any actual exercises. Instead he spends the majority of his time trying to hit on females by way of correcting their form or asking if he can "work in." If it were socially acceptable, this guy would walk around sporting an all-out boner with a 25 lb. plate hanging from it.  Keep Reading »

Instead of blowing money at an over-priced bar, last weekend I traded my beer tab for a Blockbuster card... and still managed to get lucky. The premise was simple: I supplied the booze and brownies and asked each of my friends to bring over a movie featuring a weird sex scene -- excluding porn. They did not disappoint. From puppets to flowers to gore, I can safely attest that there is a movie sex scene in existence to satisfy anyone's fetish. By the end of the night, somewhere between arousal and repulsion, we had not only come up with a slew of ideas to try on future conquests, but we had also compiled a list of the top ten weirdest sex scenes on film. (Apologies for a lack of video evidence -- these are the types of scenes that get pulled from YouTube the minute they're posted. You'll have to get the actual movie to watch them.)


10. Coneheads -- A human (Chris Farley) and a conehead (Michelle Burke) have sex for the first time. Only instead of shedding their clothes and engaging in any actual penetration, the two characters sit on the floor, place rings on their heads that resemble crowns of thorns, and grunt and shake until they reach orgasm. Thanks to Chris Farley's out-of-this-world "O" face, exterritorial sex has never been never more awkward.



9. Out Cold -- Luke (Zach Galifianakis) is a loser and unlucky in love. One night as he is soaking in an outdoor hot tub in Alaska, Luke inserts his dick into one of the jets, only to get it stuck. It should also be noted that this wayward altercation occurs after a polar bear licks Luke's bare penis when his Bros leave him -- covered in salt -- passed out in the snow. All in all, the flick features a fine combination of masturbation and mutilation.  Keep Reading »

Now that T.O. is taking a breather for the off season, Sean Avery is relegated to the minor leagues, and A-Rod is fresh out of Boli, we found ourselves looking for sport figures to despise. So we put together this list of the most ruthless, despicable, and down right dirty sports movie villains of all time. We hope this doesn't cause too many nasty flashbacks. Let us know if you think we left anyone out.

10. Clubber Lang -- "Rocky III"



Perhaps the best trash talker in sports movie history, Clubber Lang was a "real man" and the number one contender to Rocky's heavyweight title. Once Lang brought Adrian's name up at a press conference, the Italian Stallion couldn't back down and finally gave Clubber the shot at the title. It is hard to say if Lang had a hand in Mickey's death or not, but Rocky had to solicit the help of former rival Apollo Creed to train him. Without Clubber, we may never had those scenes of Rocky and Apollo running on the beach in tights, and for that we owe him a spot on this list.  Keep Reading »