Do you want to read 122 texts that Tiger Woods sent to porn star mistress Joslyn James as he arranged one sexcapade after another? They include utter acts of kindness ("what would you like to eat?"; "There is a room service cart in my hall. Be careful") and then, um, everything else, like these two texts: "I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap... your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat." So there's that, and also references to threesomes, golden showers, quickies, and, oh, yeah, promises to "slap, spank, bite and fuck you till mercy." The full transcript is after the jump.  Keep Reading »

Holy shit. Will he play in the Par 3 Tournament because that would be fucking awesome. TIGER!!!!!!!!

MORE: Here's his statement:

"The Masters is where I won my first major and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I'm ready to start my season at Augusta.

"The major championships have always been a special focus in my career and, as a professional, I think Augusta is where I need to be, even though it's been a while since I last played.

"I have undergone almost two months of inpatient therapy and I am continuing my treatment. Although I'm returning to competition, I still have a lot of work to do in my personal life."

MORE: First two rounds will be broadcast by ESPN. If Tiger doesn't play in the Par 3 tournament, his return will come on Thursday, April 8. It will be ESPN's biggest ratings ever. If he's in the hunt on Sunday, it could get bigger ratings than the Super Bowl for CBS.  Keep Reading »

After hyping it up for weeks, Howard Stern this morning crowned the hottest Tiger Woods mistress during an on-air beauty pageant. Noel Biderman, founder and CEO of AshleyMadison.com, co-sponsored the event and participated as a judge, along with Robin Quivers, Fred Norris, and Stern. Unfortunately, only three of Tiger's supposed 12-plus mistresses were in attendance: Tool Academy contestant Jamie Grubbs, Las Vegas model Jamie Jungers, and 26-year-old model Loredana Jolie Ferriolo. The winner walked away with $75,000 dollars and a 3.5-caret black diamond mistress ring, made by the famed Philadelphia jeweler Steven Singer. Thanks to The Daily Stern, we've provided the pageant's results along with a recap of juicy confessions about Tiger's crazy sex habits. Check it out after the jump.  Keep Reading »

Men only made small waves in the news this week and only a select few have arguable cases to receive the esteemed honor of being our Bro of the Week. In our eyes, however, the race really came down to a couple men and a 12-year-old Canadian boy named Sidney. Cleary Sidney was not going to be the choice this week. The Stars and fucking Stripes course through my ever-present veins and I would sooner let a man's lips touch my hang-low than give a Canadian the sweet pleasure of stripping an American of two titles in one week. Even if that title is just our Bro of the Week and not some shiny medallion that can be pawned off for cocaine or other sundry items.

Ryan Miller was in contention again this week but we have already showered him and his smoking hot WAG Noureen DeWulf with so much love and admiration that giving him this would just be redundant. I have to hand it to him, he gave it his all. But we wanted the gold medal and if we started handing out awards to people for finishing in second place (especially to Canada), what kind of irresponsible example would that set for the children?

So that leaves us with the Bro King, Tiger Woods. We all know of his storied career in both golf and infidelity, but yesterday he pulled the biggest Bro move of the week and in effect slid right into this prize, much akin to the way he slid his pepper steak into multiple women all not named Elin.  Keep Reading »

Since the Tiger Woods Watch is in fact only just starting to heat up, we thought we'd alert you to two different reports today about the Striped One's comeback. First, RadarOnline is reporting that Elin is moving back into their Windermere home. Of course, Radar is also the same news outlet that earlier today claimed that Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts was resigning. They retracted that story in about 25 minutes, so take this Tiger gossip with a grain of salt.

The other news is about Tiger's possible return to the professional links.  Keep Reading »

After a week of family counseling in Arizona and losing his $100 million deal with Gatorade, Tiger Woods is back in Florida practicing his golf game in Florida. Just in time for Tigers' possible return to the PGA tour, a new iPhone app has hit the market to help straying partners avoid the same domestic debacle as the Masters champion.  Keep Reading »

Editor's Note: This was too good not to certify.

I got women in the 'burbs, Women in the the hood. Yeah my wifey mad 'cause she knows I'm no good. Man I'm just a dog, I'd be faithful if I could, But I'm Tiger Woods. Yeah, I'm Tiger Woods.

I need help 'cause I know I got a problem, Every bad bitch I come across I think I want 'em. Look at how I roll when I see 'em then I'm on 'em, Drunk full of liquor and a pocket full of condoms. Lord I can't lie I'm a dog, I'm a cheater, Babymomma gone 'cause I ain't know how'ta treat her. Shout out to Na'isha, Shout out to Latisha, Shout out to my shorty with that little white Bimmer. Feeling like a king, Got women that'll treat me. I be going hard, Got a dime down in D.C.
Yeah my wifey home And I'm wrong for what I'm doing yo I be out creepin/lying, Said I'm in the studio.  Keep Reading »

Look, either you're with Tiger, or you're against him. You either thought that was as heartfelt and sincere of a statement you'll ever see Tiger give, or you think he sounded stilted, rehearsed, and robotic. We're clearly of the former opinion.  Keep Reading »

The Tiger Woods press conference will be starting at the top of the hour, and we'll be live-blogging the whole thing. Keep refreshing for updates...

11:01: "I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in."

11:03: He and Elin are trying to make it work.

11:04: Dedicated to making sure the Tiger Woods Foundation will keep doing its work.

11:05: "For all that I have done, I am so sorry. I have a lot to atone for, but there is one issue I really want to discuss."

11:05: "Elin never hit me that night or any other night. There has never been domestic violence in our marriage, ever... Elin deserves praise not blame."

11:06: "I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated."  Keep Reading »

A few hours ago, Chad Ochocinco set off a new Trending Topic on Twitter when he posted the #tigershouldsay Tweets above. This morning's Hot Clicks points us to the current betting lines for what Tiger will say. "Regret the hurt I caused" is in the lead at 7/2. So what do you guys think Tiger will say tomorrow? What should he say? What shouldn't he say? Sound Off in the Comments below...

There are two statements in the headline. One is a joke. One is true. According to a statement released by his agent and spokesman:

"Tiger Woods will be speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues, and close associates at [11 a.m. ET Friday] at the TPC Sawgrass Clubhouse in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. Tiger plans to discuss his past and his future and he plans to apologize for his behavior." There will be no Q&A session, natch.

Just when it seemed like Tiger Woods might be getting out of sex rehab, trying to patch things up with Elin, and maybe even getting back on the golf course, news surfaces that he knocked up porn star Josyln James -- twice! According to the New York Post, James tells Inside Edition in an interview tonight that both pregnancies came around the same time that Elin gave birth to she and Tiger's children. So what happened to the porn star's pregnancies?  Keep Reading »

The new issue of Vanity Fair hits stands today with that Tiger Woods cover story crashed into the issue -- Buzz Bissinger supplies the quickie write-around and Annie Leibovitz the accompanying old, pre-scandal photos. Just how old are they? The first caption of the story reveals that they were "photographed the year he won his third P.G.A. Championship." That would be 2006. Not exactly fresh. Still, the shots just go to show you how much of a bad-ass warrior Tiger will always be. Maybe when he wins the PGA Championship this August, Annie can re-shoot him for the March 2016 issue?

By the way, we just noticed this issue's version of the small-type-in-italics cover quote: "O tiger's heart wrapp'd in a woman's hide!" --SHAKESPEARE

The rest of the photos are after the jump. The issue, which also includes features on the "Wall Street" sequel, a top U.S. sniper, and six hot young actresses, is on newsstands everywhere.  Keep Reading »

Just when you thought all of the Tiger Woods bullshit was over, the rumor mills start pumping out more dirt. According to an email sent to former journalist and current geriatric, Furman Bisher, our favorite adulterer had to undergo plastic surgery because Elin allegedly clocked him in the face with the same club she used to break the Escalade window. It's worth mentioning that the email was sent by a fellow who claims to know a guy who knows a guy who knows Mark Steinberg, Tiger's agent -- so you know the conspiracy theory has to be legit. The email also claims that Tiger is practicing in the late hours of the night at Bay Hill since the driving range is outfitted with lights. Hopefully Tiger's swing and surgically altered face are ready for Augusta in 2010.

Whether or not the email is factual still remains to be seen. But see it and unnecessary pictures of Elin looking extremely fuckable (because I'm in charge today) after the jump.  Keep Reading »

We got three random, but funny photos forwarded to us over the weekend, so why not start the week off with them? The one above is self explanatory; after the jump, the Goose blocks that sun, and The Situation before he was The Situation.  Keep Reading »