Just when you think to yourself that the world can't possibly take a turn for the worse, Obama wins the fucking Noble Prize for being able to wipe his own ass and now the New York State Liquor Authority (SLA) is seeking to basically prohibit the playing of beer pong in New York City bars. This just in, apparently playing beer pong causes people to drink excessively. Go figure.

According to Grub Street, the SLA argues that beer pong encourages people to drink without limits. Well, that makes sense because last time I was out I didn't even play beer pong but I realized my limit. Once the bouncer escorted me out for pissing on the bar, and another patron's shin, I knew it was about time to leave.  Keep Reading »

Hey what are you doing? Can I come over? Let's talk. Oh my god-have to tell you something!!! What are you doing now?

Welcome to Twitter.

I don't know why anyone, especially people who aren't co-dependent, would willingly sign up for a service that automatically pings you every time ANYTHING that ANYONE you know does.... anything. Imagine the mechanics of Twitter in real life. Anytime I do anything, you would get a message about it.

I go to the store. You get an email saying I am going to the store.

I buy food at the store. You get a phone call saying I have bought groceries.

I stop at your house on the way back from the store. You get an email at the same time I knock on your door, and the email says, "Hey, I'm at your door!"

We talk. You get an instant message saying, "Are we talking?"

I leave and say goodbye. You get a text reminding you that I just said goodbye.

I think about your girlfriend on the drive home in very inappropriate positions. You get a dancing gorilla-gram that explains how turned on I am by the image of your girlfriend's legs above her head.

I call your girlfriend and she agrees to have sex with me for a paltry sum of $14 and half a fridge pack of Diet Dr. Pepper. You get a "tweet" (a twitter message) telling you your girlfriend prostituted herself to one of your friends for some Nutra-Sweet, caffeine, and enough cash to go to one-and-a=half movies.  Keep Reading »