Dinner at nice steakhouse - $140 Drinks at a bar after dinner - $50 Making the ugliest girl in office cry mid smash - priceless Few words can even begin to describe how brutal this piggly wiggly was...Am I proud?...  Keep Reading »

Each morning, like most of you, I wake up, contemplate suicide, and then reluctantly drag myself to work. To say that I dread going to my job would be a complete understatement. I can honestly declare that I'd rather have someone take a potato peeler to my dick than go to work most mornings. Nothing about my job makes me look forward to being there. Not even the mirror in the men's room can lift my spirits. But what truly makes me loathe my job more than the non-stimulating work, the chair bound to give me a compressed spinal cord, and the shitty coffee in the break room is the people I am forced to encounter each day. Below is a list of these people.

10. Hot Intern: I'll start with you because for obvious reasons, you are the only person in the office that I can tolerate. It's no secret that you were hired for three reasons; your gorgeous face, your perfect areolas, and your dick-sucking prowess. But, it's safe to say that if your face were to get rearranged in a horrific accident, I would hate your fucking guts, too. Now spread 'um.

9. The Creep: The year-after-year winner of the highly coveted "Most Likely to Rape a Co-worker Award." Your uncomfortable stares and cigarette breath are only outshined by your complete lack of hygiene and inch-long nostril hair. How you have not been convicted of a sex crime is truly remarkable. All I can guess is that you must do a hell of a job at hiding the remains of the women you probably hack to pieces in your spare time. And for that I am forced to commend you.

8. The Ass Kisser: It is probably a misnomer to refer to this person simply as an "ass kisser," since this guy or girl would eat the janitor's dick cheese if it meant a promotion. While I'm generally a selfish prick who won't lift a finger if to lend a hand, the Ass Kisser runs around the office like his dick's just caught fire, making small talk about the climate and kissing every ass in a mile-wide radius. If this overly enthusiastic tool is in your office, I bet just like me you'll hope to be present on the day they perish.  Keep Reading »

Here's what's worth watching tonight:
7 p.m.: Celtics at Bulls
8 p.m.: "Survivor" (CBS)
9 p.m.: "The Office" (NBC), "Hell's Kitchen" (FOX), "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC), Blackhawks at Canucks (Versus)
9:30 p.m.: Blazers at Rockets (TNT), "30 Rock" (NBC)
10 p.m.: "Southland" (NBC)
11 p.m.: "Daily Show" with guest Hugh Jackman (Comedy Central)
11:30 p.m.: "Colbert Report" with guest Ethan Nadelmann (Comedy Central)
11:35 p.m.: "Letterman" with guest Regis Philbin (CBS), "Leno" with guests Matthew McConaughey and Magic Johnson (NBC)
12:05 p.m.: "Kimmel" with guest Brooke Shields (ABC)
12:35 p.m.: "Ferguson" with guest Michael Douglas (CBS); "Fallon" repeat (NBC)

The guys over at Manofest have rounded up the top 10 office freak outs ever. We hate to ruin the big payoff, but above is #1 because it is just so epic. We love the fact that only one of the other guys in the office has the balls to take on this maniac in the beginning. May this be a lesson to all of you: no April Fool's jokes on that crazy guy in the back cubicle. Also, cubicle dividing walls are very easily removed and thrown. A couple more great ones after the jump. The full list is at Manofest.  Keep Reading »

Here's what's worth watching tonight:
Lots of college basketball all night long on ESPN, ESPN2, and local networks
8 p.m.: "Survivor" (CBS), Lakers at Spurs (TNT)
9 p.m.: "The Office" (NBC), "Hell's Kitchen" (FOX)
9:30 p.m.: "30 Rock" (NBC)
10:30 p.m.: Cavs at Suns (TNT), "ER" (NBC)
11 p.m.: "Daily Show" with guest Jim Cramer (Comedy Central)
11:30 p.m.: "Colbert Report" with guest Simon Johnson (Comedy Central)
11:35 p.m.: "Letterman" with guest Andy Samberg (CBS), "Leno" with guest Dwayne Johnson (NBC)
12:05 p.m.: "Jimmy Kimmel Live" with guests David Hasselhoff and Eliza Dushku
12:35 p.m.: "Jimmy Fallon" with guests Brian Williams, Malin Akerman, Glen Hansard (NBC); "Ferguson" with guest Jim Parsons (CBS)