Ah, the cougar. The felicitous, sexually savvy, 40-something female puma who preys on men two decades her junior. In the same genus of the "milf," she is usually pre- or post-menopausal. Her behavior involves stalking and seducing bros in habitats like sports bars, car shows, and college town nightclubs teeming with tender, intoxicated fresh meat to fuck. With her predatory and confident ways, she is a relative to the panther and the jaguar, yet often lacks the keen and discrete social graces of mature, Vodka tonic-guzzling Mrs. Robinson types. Sometimes her aggressive, sexually-suggestive flirting and willingness to play beer pong is comical. Other times, it's just sad.



The etymology of the word "cougar" in its modern praxis dates back to Carrie Bradshaw and "Sex and the City," but the idea is nothing new, claiming thematic relevancy in "The Graduate "and "American Pie," perhaps even tracing its roots back to the incestuous saga of Jocasta, the Milf of Thebes who couldn't resist her own son, King Oedipus himself (gross). None the less, the cougar phenomenon has somewhat jumped the shark in the past few years, at times implying a botoxed monstrosity who dines on Ambien and Merlot, other times suggesting a self-actualized, feminine liberation of middle-aged women who have every damn right on God's green earth to fulfill their supercharged libidos however they please. One thing is certain: It's almost impossible to ignore this golden era of the Great Cougar Renaissance in the cultural zeitgeist, with a cougar-themed cruise, the cougar-related websites Cougar Life and Cougar Patrol, a reality show, a national cougar convention in San Fransisco, the dubiously-titled B-comedy "Cougar Hunting" starring Lara Flynn Boyle, and "Cougar Town", a prime time show with Courteney Cox on ABC.



Sassy, slutty, or trashy? That's up for you to decide.

If you're a novice cougar hunter and trying to bag and tag a trophy, here's a field guide to the many different sub-species of cougar, meant to be used in the field for observation and classification purposes. Happy hunting.




The Vengeful Divorcee Cougar
Commonly Found: Country clubs; yacht clubs; the gym


Description: This puma's slick, hedge fund manager of an ex-husband was hot in the pants. With the assistance of a private investigator, she caught him banging his hot personal trainer at a Holiday Inn Express. Pissed she wasn't getting in on nearly as much action as her silver fox, she had the divorce papers drafted up. Except she agreed to a pre-nup back in the '80s before they were cool. Although she came out of the divorce with a time share in Maui, she's still filled with a deep-seated loathing toward anything that reminds her of husband, thus she'll hatefuck anyone under 28. Generally athletic, she sometimes hunts in packs with other bitter, ravenous, and obnoxious vengeful divorcees at exclusive enclaves.

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Blame my childhood obsession with white tigers or my teenage fondness for the American Pie franchise, but for some reason, whenever I see an older woman with a younger guy, I feel warm inside -- like I've just taken a shot of whiskey. Maybe it's their confidence, their swagger, or their screw-what-the-world-thinks attitude that I find so intoxicating -- and I'm a woman. I can only imagine the effect they have on younger men, or cubs, as referred to in Cougarland.

So what makes one a cougar? Urban Dictionary boasts over 50 definitions, which range from a seasoned M.I.L.F. to a Cute Older Unmarried Gal Aggressively Recruting. However, the definition I find most accurate comes from Urbancougar.com. According to the site, "A cougar is a sophisticated, sexy older woman who generally prefers the company of a younger man. She has acknowledged her true self, embraced her sexual identity, and now lives her life to its fullest. Always one for adventure, she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get it." Like The Killers who once dominated the underground indie rock music scene, it seems cougars have also crawled out of their dens and gone mainstream. There's even a dating site for cougars, cubs... and wait for it...prey.

Recently, one of my Bros crawled into the lion's den to shack up with a 48-year-old lioness and since his trip to the petting zoo, he's been smiling from ear to ear. Are cougars more eager? Are their sexual appetites insatiable? Or, is it simply a numbers game? While most studies claim that men reach their sexual peak between the ages of 18-25, women do not peak until their mid thirties -- the prime age of cougars. To get a better understanding of life inside the den, I asked my 27-year-old Cougar Hunting pal to indulge me in a little Q & A:

Kammeo: What do you think are the benefits of dating a cougar?
Cougar Hunter: Their sexual experience and openness. There's no game playing.  Keep Reading »