A tear drop, a crucifix, a tribute to a fallen friend; to most, these would all be considered acceptable things to tattoo your body. They symbolize something about you. They inform the world of what you are about. Come to think of it, plenty of inmates across the country probably rock all three of those tats in unison. Here's how: First, they did a hatchet job on their buddy after losing to him in an intense game of Dice (enter tear drop), then while incarcerated they find Jesus -- he goes by inmate #48796-054 and he has taught their asshole a valuable lesson (hello crucifix); and finally since they're now a Tim Tebow-loving Christian, they regret killing their friend and want to pay him homage with a bible verse (John 15:12 or even Ecclesiastes 4:9 would be fitting).

Sadly, unlike the felon in our example, not everyone makes quality decisions when it comes to defacing their skin. But if tats are permanent (for the most part), then why do so many ignorant fucks forget to think before they ink? Like the insufferable badass that I run into at the gym each day, is he naive enough to think that tribal sun on his underdeveloped shoulder impresses anyone? Or for every girl who on their 18th birthday thought a tramp stamp would really set them apart. Um, well, I guess it does. So thanks for that, ladies.

I will never completely knock tattoos. I actually have one and I think a lot of them can look sick but there are those that leave people looking like complete and utter fools. And, anyone who knows me knows that I find absolute pleasure in the misfortunes of others, so let's look at some highly regrettable tattoo decisions.  Keep Reading »

This is the second installment of "The Little Things That Matter," a new weekly column. Previously: What Appears Once a Month in a Bikini and Always Leaves You Smiling?

Tattoos used to be the mark of the hot girl who had a naughty side, but now everyone has them. Fat girls have started to use them in a misguided attempt to generate heat. Some women go overboard, and wind up looking like Chris "Birdman" Andersen. Older women -- like your aunt and your mom -- are getting them as cherished mementos. And nothing says "rocking good time" like your Aunt Ginny rocking the tramp stamp.  Keep Reading »