From coast to coast our nation's colleges are dealing with a problem more contagious than the infamous swine flu. The issue at hand will not leave you hugging a toilet seat or bedridden for a week. But it does have the power to ruin any good time, which is no laughing matter. The heinous problem I'm talking about can come in many different forms but written below are the major characteristics of college fun enemy Number One: The quintessential Douchebag. If you find yourself with any of the symptoms please immediately remedy the issue by looking in the mirror and questioning your manhood while offering yourself a flurry of self-induced ninja kicks to your dingle dick courtesy of the rest of us. For everyone else, if you find yourself surrounded by people who posses these traits, run away as fast as you possibly can and try to save your night.

10. You have a haircut similar to the leading characters on MTV's hit series "Two A Days." Please think about how upset your dad must be with the person you have become and get it cut.  Keep Reading »

Who doesn't love a good douchebag? Douchebags are not only well-suited tools for repairing a spoiled vagina but they are also unsavory human beings put on this earth for our entertainment. I hate latter version of the douchebag just as much as the next guy, but when I look at a sizable douche and then take a long, glaring look at my beautiful face in the mirror, I feel that much better about myself. So for that moment -- when I am overtaken with joy and jubilation that I don't have a flesh colored beard or that my hair isn't blown out and most of all that nothing in my closet has anything that even closely resembles tattoo art on it -- I am grateful.

Each year, the media, popular reality TV shows and blogs (such as this gem) make America aware that somewhere in this great country, there are big bad douches that are more famous and wealthy than you and I. This is a fact. A fact so disgusting that it forced me to make a list of the 5 biggest douchebags in 2009. I can't think of a better way to end the year than to air my grievances towards these walking cancers. I am not sure what hell is like but I'd have to imagine these 5 dickheads will all be there in some capacity.

Jimmy Football  Keep Reading »

Check out a detailed analysis of how to spot a douchebag in your presence. These warning signs are vital to maintaining to douche-free environment and keeping your event from being spoiled by some assclown meathead in...  Keep Reading »

If it is not already abundantly clear, we at BroBible would like to affirm that we have zero tolerance for douchebags. Well, unless said douchebag is utilized to cleanse a vagina with halitosis. Then we love it.

Lately, I keep seeing our readers making lewd remarks in the comments about guys who wear Ed Hardy. As a BroBible spokesperson I want to tell everyone, we fucking hate Ed Hardy and we also love that all of you have such strong abhorrence towards these clowns as well. They give real men, like you and I, a bad name and if it were up to me, they would be on trial for their fucking lives, and yours truly would be serving up the executions.  Keep Reading »

Bros, as you might recall (depending on how fucked up you got last night) yesterday I posted a column on how stupid pick-up lines are. Well, today I want to offer up another angle to this whole "getting a girl" theme, and another example of what not to do. Don't be a fucking nag. Don't call or text a girl you just met more than ONCE before she returns your call/text. Click on this link, courtesy of melodymaker.posterous.com, to be totally swept away by how self-indulged and douche-tastic this guy "Dimitri" is. This, of course, is an extreme example that a friend of mine (Thanks Carter) just sent me. But it really shows how being too overzealous to talk to a girl can come off as desperate, and as you will see in this case, creepy and egotistical as well.

I am completely shocked that people like this are allowed to exist. There should be some sort of mass genocide for guys like this. Don't get me wrong, I believe every man should approach woman and be confident, and even a bit cocky about it. Hell, I have confidence oozing from my ears and vanity seeping out of my anus -- I don't hang anything on my walls unless it's a self-portrait or a mirror --but this guy is on a whole other, humility-lacking, level. I don't care how it is done, but I hope this man has his penis taken from at a very young age.

I just read this loving tale of a father and son on MSN.com and I felt obliged to insert my thoughts throughout the article.

An Ohio man who argued with his grown son over a messy bedroom says he overreacted when he called 911. (Overreacted? I have to disagree, it's not like you could have potentially caused some rape victim her life because you called the last available squad car... You did the right thing, hold your head up high.)  Keep Reading »

Here is a riddle for you... What is pasty white, completely worthless, and considered (by all) to be the world's worst failed miscarriage? If you answered Macaulay Culkin you would be close... but wrong. If you answered Spencer Pratt, then give yourself a hand (job), because you are correct.

In case you've been in a coma for the last four years, Spencer is one of the "stars" (laughable) of MTV's hit reality show "The Hills." Spencer and his new wife Heidi Montag have made quite the names for themselves just by being themselves -- two truly putrid human beings. Heidi is a tall, homely looking blond (with noteworthy tits) who comes across as your typical catty bitch. While Spencer is annoying, egotistical and so free of any talent that his success could become the bane of your very existence... if you let it.

I gave up watching MTV a while ago, so I figured the only time I had to see this pile of wet baby shit, and his flesh colored beard, was when I picked up a tabloid while standing in line at the grocery store. But I now realize it was foolish of me to think that the Spencer Pratt pandemic could be contained and controlled. The more we hate him the more he seems to flourish. As a matter of fact, Spencer just came out with a rap song and he is soon to rear his ugly Cro-Magnonesque head on NBC's sizzling summer line-up. To me, both of these ideas are as appalling as Crayola coming out with a new line of crayons using racial slurs to describe the colors (use your imagination).

America needs to stop the Spencer Pratt pandemic at the source. In all candidness, who among us does NOT want to stomp on his reproductive organs anyway? Hell, I'd like to slap his mother in the face just for shits. If you're saying to yourself, "my word, that's a little harsh, don't you think?" I have a few things to say to you via a numerical list:  Keep Reading »

Certified hot chick Banks reminds us that we haven't checked one of our favorite blogs -- Hot Chicks With Douchebags -- in a while. Some recent favorites:  Keep Reading »