How to pick up the Bartender via Leftos user - Studley Do Right The key is acting completely different than everyone else around you. It's near impossible to pick up a bartender when the bar is SMASHED packed or you...  Keep Reading »

Via Leftos user - Kyle Miracle The first point I'd like to make is that what you say actually has very LITTLE to do with how she responds. Your words are not important to the approach - at least not nearly as much as...  Keep Reading »

Friday at 12:39 a.m.: "Hey, its jen... I'm sooo sorry to bother u but I really, really need to talk to u." No response.

12:48 a.m.: "ted, pls, i can't sleep right now and i kno it sounds crazy but ur the only one i can talk 2 and i don't want to tell u over a txt msg." No response.

1:03 a.m.: "ok, i guess i'll just tell u... i'm pregnant, and i think it might be urs."

C'mon, babe. I know your lying. It's after midnight on a Friday night. Chances are you were out trying to slut it up and got denied, not sitting around talking to your gyno. Coupled with the fact that Rachel's boyfriend surprised her at the bar, kissed her on the forehead in front of you, and made you think of that one time I kissed you in the car last summer (in my effort to convince you to give me road head), making you miss me sooo much.

Go run 5 miles, take a shower, shave your legs, put on make-up, and get some fucking self-confidence. Don't make up a dramatic, guilt-filled lie in order to get me to put up with your bullshit one more time. If I'm in a good mood, I'll laugh, pass the phone around to my friends, and then delete the message. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll insist on paying every medical bill and going with you to every hospital visit, just to watch you squirm and suffer to try and not look like a lying idiot.  Keep Reading »



Ah, the cougar. The felicitous, sexually savvy, 40-something female puma who preys on men two decades her junior. In the same genus of the "milf," she is usually pre- or post-menopausal. Her behavior involves stalking and seducing bros in habitats like sports bars, car shows, and college town nightclubs teeming with tender, intoxicated fresh meat to fuck. With her predatory and confident ways, she is a relative to the panther and the jaguar, yet often lacks the keen and discrete social graces of mature, Vodka tonic-guzzling Mrs. Robinson types. Sometimes her aggressive, sexually-suggestive flirting and willingness to play beer pong is comical. Other times, it's just sad.



The etymology of the word "cougar" in its modern praxis dates back to Carrie Bradshaw and "Sex and the City," but the idea is nothing new, claiming thematic relevancy in "The Graduate "and "American Pie," perhaps even tracing its roots back to the incestuous saga of Jocasta, the Milf of Thebes who couldn't resist her own son, King Oedipus himself (gross). None the less, the cougar phenomenon has somewhat jumped the shark in the past few years, at times implying a botoxed monstrosity who dines on Ambien and Merlot, other times suggesting a self-actualized, feminine liberation of middle-aged women who have every damn right on God's green earth to fulfill their supercharged libidos however they please. One thing is certain: It's almost impossible to ignore this golden era of the Great Cougar Renaissance in the cultural zeitgeist, with a cougar-themed cruise, the cougar-related websites Cougar Life and Cougar Patrol, a reality show, a national cougar convention in San Fransisco, the dubiously-titled B-comedy "Cougar Hunting" starring Lara Flynn Boyle, and "Cougar Town", a prime time show with Courteney Cox on ABC.



Sassy, slutty, or trashy? That's up for you to decide.

If you're a novice cougar hunter and trying to bag and tag a trophy, here's a field guide to the many different sub-species of cougar, meant to be used in the field for observation and classification purposes. Happy hunting.




The Vengeful Divorcee Cougar
Commonly Found: Country clubs; yacht clubs; the gym


Description: This puma's slick, hedge fund manager of an ex-husband was hot in the pants. With the assistance of a private investigator, she caught him banging his hot personal trainer at a Holiday Inn Express. Pissed she wasn't getting in on nearly as much action as her silver fox, she had the divorce papers drafted up. Except she agreed to a pre-nup back in the '80s before they were cool. Although she came out of the divorce with a time share in Maui, she's still filled with a deep-seated loathing toward anything that reminds her of husband, thus she'll hatefuck anyone under 28. Generally athletic, she sometimes hunts in packs with other bitter, ravenous, and obnoxious vengeful divorcees at exclusive enclaves.

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We can't believe we didn't post this yesterday. Truly tremendous. Listen and learn, gentlemen...

Remember a couple weeks ago, when we told you about the Miss Cougar America competition, which was supposed to take place out in Palo Alto this week? Well, we have a winner. Meet Gloria Navarro, a 42-year-old Redwood City, Calif., "suburban management consultant," who was married for 20 years but recently divorced. Apparently she's looking for someone "new." Would you bang her? Read the whole story and see more photos here.

Pick-up lines are the epitome of ridiculous and the antithesis of suave. But alas, they have been around since the advent of the pussy, so I won't argue. Who uses them? My guess is creepy old men, Guidos, and any other douche bag who is lacking a fucking clue on how to burry their bone. Why anyone uses them is a great mystery because they hardly ever produce results and they usually leave you looking like a corny tool that only gets laid when he fucks the cushions of his couch.

I will openly admit that I have only twice muttered something that resembled a pick-up line. And while it worked both times, I knew it wasn't the line that got the girl but the swagger and confidence in which it was presented. After all, telling a girl, "You're so beautiful, I'd eat the corn out of your shit...and I don't even like corn," should never, ever get you laid. I guess that only holds true if you don't look like a succulent rack of lamb and your name isn't Waffles McButter.

My best advice to anyone looking to pick-up a girl in a bar is to approach her in a confident yet humble manner, and just introduce yourself without blurting out some outlandish "line." Once you have accomplished that and assuming you are better looking than dead fetus, she'll be putty in your hands.

If subtlety and class isn't your brand of whiskey and you consider yourself a bit of a walking shock and awe campaign, then here are the 5 best and most original pick-up lines I have ever had the pleasure of hearing. Feel free to use them, or the timeless classic I used above, the next time you try to pick-up some dive-bar Dolly. See the top 5 after the jump.  Keep Reading »

This topic gets me all sorts of nostalgic because when I was in college the only good part about summer coming to an end was the arrival of fresh meat (and I don't mean the slop they serve in the dining halls). When I was a freshman I got my fair share of ass -- which also came along with had a handful of "Dear Jesus, I think I have AIDS" scares -- but it wasn't until my sophomore year, that I realized how incredibly easy it was to bed a freshman girl. And the first month of school, something that is approaching fast for a lot of you, is the perfect time to invade freshman vagina as if it were the fucking beach of Normandy. If you are a sophomore or older, and you don't still live in the dorms or suck your thumb, you need to keep one thing in mind; girls gravitate to older men, especially in college. So utilize the tricks below and you'll get to have your cunt and eat it too (if you so chose).

5. How to handle the girls with the long distance relationship - Hot girls in high school all have boyfriends --don't ask me why, I'm not a sociologist, I just accept it as a fact of life -- and most of them foolishly still have them when they go to college. Don't let this deter you though. She is going to miss her man, she is going to long for his touch, but she is in New York and Timmy is 3000 miles away in California. A true gentleman, such as yourself, would do the right thing and step in to be that shoulder for her to cry on, that ear for her to talk to and that throbbing cock for her to straddle.

4. How to gauge her interest - You've already lived a full year of college, so automatically you are way more interesting than she is. That alone will draw her in. Girls also like a sense of security, and since she is in an unfamiliar place, she is going to want a man who knows his way around -- the city and her vaginal walls. The simple truth is that there is no easier way to a freshman girl's crotch than to show her a good fucking time and take her to sick parties. Just be sure that she is not a Tim Tebow(cough virgin cough). If she still has her cherry intact, I suggest you take your cock elsewhere because fucking her is going to take a little thing my father likes to call "work", and you don't want any part of that.  Keep Reading »

Last month, we told you about some prime cougar hunting up in Boston as well as Town Me's "Cougar Locator" website. Now, all you West Coasters can break out your camouflage and start tracking the beast in its wildest habitats. The first-ever National Single Cougars Convention, featuring the Miss Cougar America Contest, will take place August 28 in Palo Alto, Calif. The event comes complete with a keynote address -- "Cougar-Luscious: Irresistible Dating & Relating for Older Women and Younger Men" -- delivered by author Francesca Gentille and her "much younger romantic partner (14 years difference)" Tahil Gesyuk. Here are the full details:

The cost is $15/advance (by August 27) or $20/door [or book through Goldstar for just $7.50]. Overnight rooms at Dinah's Garden Hotel are available at an additional cost of $99 per night. Coat & tie/dressy attire are recommended.  Keep Reading »

Today's "Ask a Bro" question comes not from a fellow Bro but from a hot girl looking for a laxer. So we gave Waffles the day off and asked Top Cheese All Day to tackle this one.

A Hot Girl's Question:
Lacrosse players have always been my favorite athlete to date/sleep with, I was just wondering, how does one go about meeting one of these studs? Every guy I seem to get asked out by played tennis or soccer or something. I want a real man. A lacrosse player. Maybe you could do a bit about how to date/attract a lacrosse player?

The Bro's Answer:
Your main problem is waiting for the laxer to come to you. Of course soccer and tennis players ask you out, they need to be seen talking to girls just to prove hetero tendencies. The lacrosse player has no need to be so bold, due to a constant supply of laxitutes and girls from their freshmen teammates' hallways. Still, a fresh face on the scene always holds a special allure. You're going to have to tread the line between being a ubiquitous groupie and an unfamiliar pre-med library dweller.

Quick aside: The girls that are constantly around the team are the laxitutes. They're the ones that are a little too available and have hooked up with the whole Extra Man Offense unit in the past semester. They're also the ones that we mock in the locker room everyday before practice. Laxitutes serve a definite purpose (last resort, late-night option) and we're generally happy to have them around, but you probably don't want to be one.  Keep Reading »

Blame my childhood obsession with white tigers or my teenage fondness for the American Pie franchise, but for some reason, whenever I see an older woman with a younger guy, I feel warm inside -- like I've just taken a shot of whiskey. Maybe it's their confidence, their swagger, or their screw-what-the-world-thinks attitude that I find so intoxicating -- and I'm a woman. I can only imagine the effect they have on younger men, or cubs, as referred to in Cougarland.

So what makes one a cougar? Urban Dictionary boasts over 50 definitions, which range from a seasoned M.I.L.F. to a Cute Older Unmarried Gal Aggressively Recruting. However, the definition I find most accurate comes from Urbancougar.com. According to the site, "A cougar is a sophisticated, sexy older woman who generally prefers the company of a younger man. She has acknowledged her true self, embraced her sexual identity, and now lives her life to its fullest. Always one for adventure, she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get it." Like The Killers who once dominated the underground indie rock music scene, it seems cougars have also crawled out of their dens and gone mainstream. There's even a dating site for cougars, cubs... and wait for it...prey.

Recently, one of my Bros crawled into the lion's den to shack up with a 48-year-old lioness and since his trip to the petting zoo, he's been smiling from ear to ear. Are cougars more eager? Are their sexual appetites insatiable? Or, is it simply a numbers game? While most studies claim that men reach their sexual peak between the ages of 18-25, women do not peak until their mid thirties -- the prime age of cougars. To get a better understanding of life inside the den, I asked my 27-year-old Cougar Hunting pal to indulge me in a little Q & A:

Kammeo: What do you think are the benefits of dating a cougar?
Cougar Hunter: Their sexual experience and openness. There's no game playing.  Keep Reading »

Last week we offered up our BroBible guides to nailing an interview and landing a job in finance, professional sports, real estate, and the music industry. One of our sex and relationship writers, kammeo, noticed that a lot of the general tips we were giving about interviews synced almost perfectly with the equally treacherous first date....

Ever notice how the guys with the really cool jobs are also the ones who always seem to nab the really hot girls. While it is easy to blame nepotism, "The Game," or simply dumb luck, maybe there's another culprit -- and it doesn't involve brains or biceps. Maybe they have simply taken a cue from Donald Trump and mastered the art of interviewing? After all, whether you're vying for a spot in the bedroom or boardroom, the same logic applies:

Be on time. Allow plenty of time for traffic, parking etc. Being punctual shows that you value the other person's time.

Look put together, but not like you are trying too hard. Obviously, take a shower, shave, wear a clean shirt, spray on a little cologne (make sure it's not over-powering), but avoid looking like you spent two hours getting ready. While it's fine to dress fashionably, avoid anything overly trendy. And while a man purse may be convenient for holding your belongings such as a spare resume or condoms, leave it at home along with your subscription to Cosmo.

Keep the conversation PG-13. Avoid discussing any controversial topics such as religion or politics or anything mildly offensive such as how long you can hold a keg stand or how many women you've slept with.

Maintain eye contact. Oftentimes people look around when they are nervous. Good eye contact indicates confidence, a trait that any woman or employer finds attractive. Should your date or interviewer be wearing anything revealing, avoid starring at her cleavage. Trust me, she'll be able to tell.  Keep Reading »

This is a regular column in which we tackle the burning questions all Bros have -- by asking a hot chick with all the right answers.

Dear Jill,

This winter I picked up a new hobby called wolf hunting. It doesn't involve a gun, a knife, or any developed skill set, just the ability to consume an exorbitant amount of alcohol and shamelessly throw oneself at every 3.5 to 6 at the bar. It is a perfect hobby for the winter months when I'm pale, out of shape, and exude a generally depressing aura to the world. Wolves require zero effort, minimal financial commitment, and have come to terms with the fact that it's a one-night deal.

But spring is fast approaching and I've sworn off packs of wolves for the next 6 months. I'm fresh off a trip to Miami, started crushing lat pull-downs and calf raises again, stored the flannel and long underwear away in mothballs, and am ready to start vaulting over a higher bar. I need to start sleeping with some 8's and 9's, even if it means my numbers drop slightly. The problem is, 8's and 9's have self-confidence (translate directly to "won't fuck on the first date") and I don't want to put in any more effort than I'm used to.

Obama's stimulus plan still hasn't taken off so I'm reluctant to start putting in multiple dinners, drinks, and awkward goodbyes to try and score a handjob $954 later. My question is, how do I speed up what goes on between that $954 (building trust, affection... whatever) in 3 hours and have my confident, moral, beautiful princess tangled up in my sheets and screaming to the heavens. Girls like this make mistakes every once in a while... how can I be that mistake?  Keep Reading »

Picking up a girl at the gym is like scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef -- it's thrilling, challenging, and a little dangerous all at the same time. The colors are mesmerizing, the energy is lively, and there's an air of mystery that comes with unchartered territory. Despite the abundance of gorgeous visuals, be careful Bros, one wrong move and you could end up ripped to shreds.

Gyms are intimidating places, especially for women. They encourage us to scrutinize our body and find fault with our appearance. And for the most part, no normal woman feels hot at the gym. Florescent lighting makes us feel pale, floor to ceiling mirrors only highlight our imperfections, and sweat? Well, let's just say it's not exactly an aphrodisiac. That said, Bros, if you can work your magic and make us feel sexy in such a vulnerable state, there's a good chance you'll be able to see us all hot and bothered again -- without the elliptical machine.

Before you decide to walk up to a girl and entice her with your mojo, take inventory of your gym wardrobe. Avoid wearing anything too tight, short, or sweat-stained. And while you're at it, leave the Hypercolor tees and sweatbands in the '90s where they belong. Solid colored tee shirts and track pants look best. As always, make sure you smell nice, clean up the scruff, and throw a little product in your hair.  Keep Reading »

Everybody's seen this classic scene in "Swingers," but it's time to update it for the text messaging age. Whether it's our busy lives, BlackBerry addictions, or sheer sloth, we have almost completely abandoned phone conversations, unless it's with our mothers. But that doesn't mean that you throw out the rulebook just because you stopped hitting the call button. Let's start at the beginning.

1. Pulling a new phone number

The age-old question still stands here -- how long do you wait to call? -- but now there's the added dilemma: Should you call or text? At this juncture, either is fine as long as you do it right. If you opt for texting, keep a couple things in mind. First, you better be damn clever. "Hey was really nice 2 meet U. Lets go out soon," is crap, which brings me to my next point: spell out your words, at least for now. If you're too lazy to type out "you," that's fine, but keep that shit to yourself for a couple dates. More importantly, the wait time on a text is significantly shorter. You pull a number on Friday? Text it by Sunday evening. No excuses. It takes 2 seconds and you'll get serious brownie points for not waiting the obligatory three days (which is bullshit anyway).

2. Pre-first date texting

Now, this initial texting stage sucks, so tread lightly. Not only is it really easy to misunderstand a text, but girls will analyze every punctuation choice (period vs. exclamation point), every drawn-out word (hey vs. heyy), and every pet name ("Oh my God, he's already calling me babe"). What works here totally depends on the girl, but generally, I'd advise you to use ;) or "babe" only when absolutely necessary for flirting or ass-kissing purposes and avoid the exclamation point entirely. She wants a man, not an over-excited girlfriend. However, if she's a bitch, keep your texts short, slightly cold, and avoid all of the above and generally anything that might make her question your manhood.  Keep Reading »