Reports: 'Growing Pains' Star Andrew 'Boner' Koenig is Missing
by Waffles McButter | February 22, 2010 at 12:48 p.m.
Last August I wrote about the worst possible times to find yourself with a raging boner; when you're in the classroom, while you're jogging at the gym, or, if by some horrible chance, you overhear your parents having sex. You know, the kind of sex where your dad gags your mom with a 1980s tube sock and then takes a dump on her chest while she playfully begs for mercy. Anyway, in that article I failed to mention what one should do when his boner goes missing. I've never experienced whiskey dick or bouts of unexplained limpness, but yesterday, after reading this chilling article, I realized that sometimes a depressed and unloved boner can go missing. Possibly forever. And that is why today, with a heart heavier than diseased testicle, I am writing about the disappearance of "Growing Pains" actor and hard-on extraordinaire Andrew Koenig. Keep Reading »
The 15 Most Undeserving Millionaires in America
by Waffles McButter | January 22, 2010 at 11:13 a.m.
It is not easy to call someone who has earned millions of dollars "undeserving," but that sure as shit won't stop me from trying. I don't hate people who succeed; I just detest those who have made exorbitant amounts of money while lacking any real talent, marketable skill, or endearing qualities. Without listing every heir to a family fortune or lottery winner -- because those are just obvious -- we have concocted a list of 15 pseudo-celebrities or inventors (I use that word in the loosest way possible) who should be homeless, hungry, and urinating themselves just to keep warm. But to the chagrin of an entire nation, they still prosper.
The Top 10 Celebrity Cheating Downgrades of All Time
by Waffles McButter | December 7, 2009 at 1:28 p.m.
As a man, I am all too familiar with the temptations and agony that accompany a monogamous relationship. Sometimes we just want to thread a stranger's vagina with our needle. Why it happens I don't know, but there comes a point in a relationship when the thought of sleeping with our girlfriend (or wife) is about as enticing as getting our pubes stuck in our zipper. So we stray and stray, and then we stray some more. Like cats, we have zero allegiance, especially when it comes to one pussy.
Even though I am not famous or particularly wealthy, I can relate to why these big superstars, like Tiger Woods, can't keep their penises to themselves -- hot pussy follows money and fame; it's simple science. But what I can't understand is when they shack up with severe downgrades to the wives and girlfriends they have at home. If I had a billion dollar dick -- like Donny Fuckin' Trump -- you best believe every vagina that touched it would be attached to a stone-cold fox. Not some pig that belongs at the local petting zoo. Keep Reading »
25 Mimic-Worthy Mustaches for Movember
by Waffles McButter | November 20, 2009 at 12:59 p.m.
The All-Playboy Team: BroBible's Top 10 Slayers
by Waffles McButter | October 26, 2009 at 4:11 p.m.
In the field of slaying, Hollywood actors, million dollar athletes, and famous musicians generally take the top honors. In these high-profile industries, the men who live the bachelor lifestyle are usually the ones who go on crazy killing sprees, crushing chick after voluptuous chick, a la Vincent Chase in "Entourage." To a single man in any on of these fields, going from broad to broad is as rudimentary as not flushing the toilet is to you or me. No thought needed whatsoever, because really, who doesn't want to see my four-hour-old shit coiled up like a snake the next time they use the bathroom?
Stephon Marbury Seems Pretty Chill
by Flash Gordon | February 19, 2009 at 5:57 p.m.Questionable Celebrity Couples
by JF | November 25, 2008 at 2:58 a.m.