Last August I wrote about the worst possible times to find yourself with a raging boner; when you're in the classroom, while you're jogging at the gym, or, if by some horrible chance, you overhear your parents having sex. You know, the kind of sex where your dad gags your mom with a 1980s tube sock and then takes a dump on her chest while she playfully begs for mercy. Anyway, in that article I failed to mention what one should do when his boner goes missing. I've never experienced whiskey dick or bouts of unexplained limpness, but yesterday, after reading this chilling article, I realized that sometimes a depressed and unloved boner can go missing. Possibly forever. And that is why today, with a heart heavier than diseased testicle, I am writing about the disappearance of "Growing Pains" actor and hard-on extraordinaire Andrew Koenig.  Keep Reading »

It is not easy to call someone who has earned millions of dollars "undeserving," but that sure as shit won't stop me from trying. I don't hate people who succeed; I just detest those who have made exorbitant amounts of money while lacking any real talent, marketable skill, or endearing qualities. Without listing every heir to a family fortune or lottery winner -- because those are just obvious -- we have concocted a list of 15 pseudo-celebrities or inventors (I use that word in the loosest way possible) who should be homeless, hungry, and urinating themselves just to keep warm. But to the chagrin of an entire nation, they still prosper.

(Note: These are not in any logical order as the accused are all equals when it comes to how much they don't deserve fortune and fame.)


William Hung
Of all the people on this list, I hate this goofy bastard the least because I am fairly certain that he has a sophisticated strand of retard in him. I mean, just take a look at that face, my good God. If that isn't screaming developmental disability, I don't know what is.  Keep Reading »

As a man, I am all too familiar with the temptations and agony that accompany a monogamous relationship. Sometimes we just want to thread a stranger's vagina with our needle. Why it happens I don't know, but there comes a point in a relationship when the thought of sleeping with our girlfriend (or wife) is about as enticing as getting our pubes stuck in our zipper. So we stray and stray, and then we stray some more. Like cats, we have zero allegiance, especially when it comes to one pussy.

Even though I am not famous or particularly wealthy, I can relate to why these big superstars, like Tiger Woods, can't keep their penises to themselves -- hot pussy follows money and fame; it's simple science. But what I can't understand is when they shack up with severe downgrades to the wives and girlfriends they have at home. If I had a billion dollar dick -- like Donny Fuckin' Trump -- you best believe every vagina that touched it would be attached to a stone-cold fox. Not some pig that belongs at the local petting zoo.  Keep Reading »

What would Movember be with out a list of some famous men who have sacrificed their upper lips to look like total badasses? Well, I guess it would be a Movember with out a list of famous badasses... Anyway, these men, out of fame, have probably given more mustache rides than you or I can even conceive. They have done the mustache world proud, unlike some fuck faces that make me sick (See: Dr. Phil and Geraldo Rivera) and today we want to honor them.

If you can't grow a mustache like these suave gents, don't try because not every man was meant to wield a 'stache and not every 'stache was meant to wield a man. The woman who serves me breakfast each morning is a true testament to that statement. She has a sick 'stache year round and if I had a picture of her, she would take her rightful place on this list. Now feast your eyes on the dusters below.


Mike Ditka  Keep Reading »

In the field of slaying, Hollywood actors, million dollar athletes, and famous musicians generally take the top honors. In these high-profile industries, the men who live the bachelor lifestyle are usually the ones who go on crazy killing sprees, crushing chick after voluptuous chick, a la Vincent Chase in "Entourage." To a single man in any on of these fields, going from broad to broad is as rudimentary as not flushing the toilet is to you or me. No thought needed whatsoever, because really, who doesn't want to see my four-hour-old shit coiled up like a snake the next time they use the bathroom?

Although I am green with envy because these gents basically get more pussy than a litter box, I will admit that they deserve their praise. Accolades are especially warranted for those males who have made a real nice name for themselves as perpetual playboys.


Bradley Cooper
Why he is the man: B. Coop, as his friends call him (non-factual), has hit the ground running in recent years. As a fucking snot-nosed prick in "Wedding Crashers" and a cool and collected stud in "The Hangover," it's no wonder why Jennifer Aniston wants to eat the moldy cheese from his taint. Coop isn't the richest kid on the block yet, but we have a feeling he is going to be swimming in his millions in years to come.

Why a bro should love him: He is about to star in the movie remake of the A-Team as Faceman. No one can replace Mr. T and his generous amounts of pity, but hopefully in this version people will actually get hit by bullets and die slow, horrific deaths.  Keep Reading »

Apparently some dude saw Stephon Marbury just hanging at the bus stop and asked him to do some improv scenes. Click Here for the article about their encounter. Here are the videos:  Keep Reading »

Gawker examines five celeb pairings that they find just a bit "off." We actually don't see what's weird about any of these, but you be the judge. [Photo: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel]  Keep Reading »

Get to know some Miami club czars -- not to mention celebrities, drug dealers, and fire marshals -- in this new web-only reality series.  Keep Reading »

Since talks of the bailout plan began, one of the target issues was whether or not the CEO's of these struggling banks deserved to receive their compensation packages, as many consider it unfair to the average American,...  Keep Reading »