Last August I wrote about the worst possible times to find yourself with a raging boner; when you're in the classroom, while you're jogging at the gym, or, if by some horrible chance, you overhear your parents having sex. You know, the kind of sex where your dad gags your mom with a 1980s tube sock and then takes a dump on her chest while she playfully begs for mercy. Anyway, in that article I failed to mention what one should do when his boner goes missing. I've never experienced whiskey dick or bouts of unexplained limpness, but yesterday, after reading this chilling article, I realized that sometimes a depressed and unloved boner can go missing. Possibly forever. And that is why today, with a heart heavier than diseased testicle, I am writing about the disappearance of "Growing Pains" actor and hard-on extraordinaire Andrew Koenig.  Keep Reading »

Look, either you're with Tiger, or you're against him. You either thought that was as heartfelt and sincere of a statement you'll ever see Tiger give, or you think he sounded stilted, rehearsed, and robotic. We're clearly of the former opinion.  Keep Reading »

J.D. Salinger, author of the ultimate Bro book, "The Catcher in the Rye," died today of natural causes. He was 91.

Do you remember first reading "Catcher in the Rye"? What ninth-grade English class memories does it stir in you? Did you ever relate to Holden Caulfield? Don't want to turn the comment section into a book report, but "Catcher" was a really important book for a lot of Bros. Sound Off in the Comments if you have any thoughts to share.

Howard Zinn, the author of the landmark "A People's History of the United States" died today of a heart attack at the age of 87. You probably read that book in your 10th grade history class. Pretty big deal. Read about it here.

After the jump, Matt Damon pays homage to Zinn in "Good Will Hunting."  Keep Reading »

Also, the sky is blue.

Via AP and Sports Illustrated:

Mark McGwire finally came clean Monday, admitting he used steroids when he broke baseball's home run record in 1998.

McGwire said in a statement sent to The Associated Press on Monday that he used steroids on and off for nearly a decade.

"I wish I had never touched steroids," McGwire said in a statement. "It was foolish and it was a mistake. I truly apologize. Looking back, I wish I had never played during the steroid era."

Apparently McGwire decided to come clean because he is about to become a hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals. More quotes from his statement are after the jump.  Keep Reading »

FRIDAY, 3:03 p.m.: Tiger Woods was seriously injured in a car accident around his home early this morning. Woods hit a fire hydrant and then a tree. Woods just pulled out of his driveway at his residents when he struck the fire hydrant and then the tree.

UPDATE, 3:05 p.m.: Alcohol was not involved.

UPDATE, 3:21 p.m.: The mayor of Windermere, Fla., says that Woods suffered facial lacerations and has been released from the hospital.

UPDATE, 4 p.m.: Mark Steinberg, the agent for Tiger Woods, tells USA Today that Woods is "fine" after crashing his vehicle outside his Florida home. Looks like just the facial lacerations.

UPDATE, SATURDAY, Noon: TMZ is reporting that Tiger told police that "his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We're told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV -- but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club."

TMZ also reports that Woods was taking pain-killers to deal with an injury.

Horrible news this afternoon out of Fort Hood, Texas, where at least a dozen people were killed and more than 30 wounded when two or more gunmen apparently shot up a readiness facility at the largest military base in the United States. Some of those killed and wounded were getting ready to ship off to Iraq and Afghanistan. President Obama is about to give remarks, as is the governor of Texas. Tragic stuff.

UPDATE: According to the New York Times: "Lt. Gen. Robert W. Cone is speaking to the media outside the base. He confirms that 12 people have been killed and 31 wounded. He also said that the shootings took place at a readiness facility, which is where soldiers go before deploying overseas. Gen. Cone said that the gunmen were Fort Hood soldiers and used handguns."

Honestly, once we heard the Colorado balloon kid, whose name is Falcon btw, wasn't in the box, we thought there was a distinct possibility that he accidentally let the balloon loose, got scared, and hid somewhere so his dad wouldn't be pissed. At least the kid's alive.

Totally nuts. Check this out. This is over Colorado. They're saying this thing will stay aloft for hours.

Update: This thing is losing Helium fast and definitely isn't staying up for hours. It's at about 6000 feet right now.

Update: The kid wasn't in the balloon! Unbelievable! Either he jumped out early on, the actual basket broke off, or he was never on it in the first place!

Some breaking news this morning that we thought we'd pass along, as explained by the Times: "President Obama and leaders of Britain and France accused Iran on Friday of building a secret underground plant to manufacture nuclear fuel, saying the country has hidden the covert operation from international weapons inspectors for years." Sweet. Keep reading here.

The Baltimore Sun is reporting that a Johns Hopkins University student armed with a samurai sword killed a man who broke into the garage of his off-campus residence early Tuesday.

According to preliminary reports, a resident of the 300 block of E. University Parkway called police about a suspicious person, department spokesman Anthony Guglielmi said. An off-duty officer responded about 1:20 a.m. to the area with university security, according to Guglielmi. They heard shouts and screams from a neighboring house and found the suspected burglar suffering from a nearly severed hand and laceration to his upper body, he said.  Keep Reading »

No matter what your political leanings, today's passing of Sen. Edward Kennedy -- the last of the Kennedy brothers -- is a great loss for the entire country. Teddy was the Lion of the Senate -- in President Obama's words, the greatest senator of our time -- known for his ability to reach across the aisle. His absence this past year from the health care debate, the issue he has championed the most, has proven to be considerable. Up above, Kennedy's speech from the 2008 Democratic Convention; after the jump, his eulogy for his brother, Robert F. Kennedy.  Keep Reading »

Former Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress surprised everyone this morning and accepted a plea bargain in his concealed weapon case. He got two years, but will probably only serve 20 months with good behavior.

As the scoreboard above shows, Mark Buehrle just pitched a perfect game, as the White Sox blanked the Rays 5-0 this afternoon.

UPDATE: Here's DeWayne Wise's ninth inning perfect game-saving, home run-stealing catch at the wall:

Remember a couple days ago when we mentioned that South Carolina governor Mark Sanford had been found hiking the Appalachian Trail. Yep, total bullshit. He was actually in Buenos Aires, we learned this morning. And what did we learn this afternoon? Oh, that's where his mistress is from. Yep he's been having an affair.

Reports The State:

"I have developed a relationship with what started as a dear dear friend from Argentina. It began very innocently as I expect many of these things do, just casual email back and forth," Sanford said. "But here recently this last year developed into something much more."

Asked if Sanford was separated from his wife, he said "I don't know how you want to define that. I"m here and she's there. I guess in a formal sense we are not."

Sanford said his wife has known about the affair and they have been working through it for the past five months. "What I did was wrong, period. End of story," Sanford said.

Sanford arrived in the Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport this morning, having wrapped up a seven-day visit to Buenos Aires, Argentina, he said then. Sanford said he had not been hiking along the Appalachian Trail, as his staff said in a Tuesday statement to the media.

What is it about people from South Carolina?  Keep Reading »