On a recent adventure to Portsmouth, New Hampshire, I was thrown out of five bars in 40 minutes, before I finally had to put up the white flag and return to drinking at a friend's apartment. The town did not welcome me with open arms, and I suspect it was more than happy to give me a swift boot.

It's easy to gain a notorious reputation from a single night of drinking in a small town. What is benign behavior in a city makes you a miscreant in a place where people see each other on a daily basis.

My attire of a hare-grey suit would've been fine in New York on any night of the week. But in Portsmouth a man who wears a suit casually is an outcast to be wary of. I must admit I might have looked a bit eccentric wearing a pair of red and blue striped gloves with my suit, but it's damn cold up there.  Keep Reading »

Have any of you ever been in what I like to refer to as a "bar pickle?" A bar pickle is when you're having a great time slamming drinks with your friends but in the back of your mind, you are thinking about the cute blonde in the corner who you put 15 minutes of work in with earlier and is now dying to fuck... right this minute. She's not looking to play games or wait until last call. She wants dick now. For most Bros, the bar pickle poses a number of issues and dilemmas. Don't get me wrong, it's a great situation to find yourself in, but you gotta know how to execute properly. That's why I'm here to offer my own solution for the next time you find yourself torn between getting more wasted and piping out Eager Beaver. It's called BROFICIENCY...  Keep Reading »

Just when you think to yourself that the world can't possibly take a turn for the worse, Obama wins the fucking Noble Prize for being able to wipe his own ass and now the New York State Liquor Authority (SLA) is seeking to basically prohibit the playing of beer pong in New York City bars. This just in, apparently playing beer pong causes people to drink excessively. Go figure.

According to Grub Street, the SLA argues that beer pong encourages people to drink without limits. Well, that makes sense because last time I was out I didn't even play beer pong but I realized my limit. Once the bouncer escorted me out for pissing on the bar, and another patron's shin, I knew it was about time to leave.  Keep Reading »

For many of us who have spent college abusing our bodies, there are very few times we should ever go shirtless in public. If your athletic days waved bye bye to you long ago like they did to me, there is little to no motivation to show skin. However, there comes a time in every bro's life when we decide to say fuck it and do our best Chris Farley Chippendales impersonation. Many of us fail in our attempts to live up to Farley's talent or passion, but every once in awhile, the stars align and we hit it square on the fucking head. We've all been there when one of our buddies out of nowhere decides to rip his shirt off at a party or bar ('80s bands like Journey on a jukebox or iPod are generally the culprit). Whether it's to get a few laughs out of the rest of us or because he actually thinks the move will impress some chick he's trying to mean mug, it's usually awkward, lame, and poorly timed.

But like I said, every now and again, a bro times ripping off his shirt perfectly and it comes out looking majestic. In the end, it all comes down to timing. Too early in the night and you might as well dig your own grave. I mean if we're talking before having even shown up with Bacardi Breezes, one of your buddies should just rock you in the face to save you the embarrassment. Here's some advice that I picked up from a wily fifth-year senior when it comes to taking your shirt off: At bars it's acceptable to go topless when there is less than 30 minutes until close or they have yelled last call. For house parties, the clock must strike midnight before flesh can be exposed. The only exception to these rules is the day chay, where having your shirt on at any point is unacceptable.  Keep Reading »

Since all of us can't make it to Munich for Oktoberfest this year we've got our own stateside German heritage celebration with bars, brats, and, of course, beers. In order to celebrate Oktoberfest properly you must find the right location in which to get shmammered. You can't celebrate everything the Fatherland has to offer in a nightclub on South Beach or in O'Malley's Pub with shamrocks plastered all over the walls. Here's a top ten list of Must-Haves for your Oktoberfest drinking locale.

10. Long sausage list
What German tap house is complete without a full listing of bratwurst, nurnburger, blutwurst, frankfurter, knackwurst, landjager, and other salty wieners on the menu? Don't forget the sauerkraut and mustard.

9. Frauleins
Big breasted blondes delivering barrelfuls of Bavaria's best brews. Brought to you by the letter, "B."

8. At least one guy in a lederhosen
Unless you're at a gay bar celebrating Oktoberfest, in which case there would be many, many more.  Keep Reading »

An experimental new bar in London has an interesting new way of serving alcohol to its patrons: through vapor. Instead of getting a glass of gin and tonic, the bar is vaporizing the drink and then pumping gallons of the stuff throughout the bar so that guests can breathe in their cocktails instead of drink them.

"We're reinventing the gin and tonic," Bompas told ABC News. "We're really sexing it up. It had a bit of a a fuddy-duddy image over here but we're taking it to the maximum size, the size of a room, so you literally walk into your cocktail."

Parr said there are several benefits to the atmospheric bar, which includes music but no food. "Well, when you breathe, instead of the alcohol going into your liver, it goes right into your bloodstream so breathing is a much quicker way of getting drunk."  Keep Reading »

In this time of tight waded-ness, we've been finding ourselves worshipping more and more at the altar of happy hour. Generally, we like to start boozing a bit later in the evening, but if the price is right, we're there. Plus, if we've had our drinks early enough, we can make it home for a bubble bath and Ugly Betty.

Thank, ahem, god for the free Coovents happy hour iPhone app. Basically, instead of stumbling around Midtown at 530 pm (it's NYC only, for now) in search of the cheapest beer and a shot of Jager special, just pull out your iPhone and consult location-based Coovents where you can pull up
a list of happy hours in your hood. And if you Tweet or whatever -- when Mom joined Twitter before we had the chance to, we decided against it -- you can keep your fellow boozehounds in the loop. Neat-o.

For quite some time, I thought New York City was the only place in the United States where bouncers at bars and nightclubs were complete assholes. Then I went to Miami, and Las Vegas, and Chicago, and Los Angeles,...  Keep Reading »

There are few things as enjoyable as watching girls binge eat, especially when they think no one is watching. And its always the greasiest, most unhealthy things. Last weekend I was at a sports bar watching the NCAA...  Keep Reading »

Bro's, for the longest time I've been loyal to Jack and Ginger like it was my first son. I don't know if its over consumption or if my taste buds are just looking for some change, but I was out at a bar over the...  Keep Reading »

My roommate and I roadtripped down from SF to visit some friends who went to University of San Diego this past weekend. Saturday night we went out and crushed the bars and my buddy introduced us to some college talent that was very impressive. I ended up hitting it off with this chick and started playing tonsil hockey with her at the bar. My amigo had struck out with the girl who he had commctted a sizable chunk of time to and started wandering around the bar like a lost puppy. Sensing his frustration/desperation, I asked my girl to find a friend for my friend and hopefully we could all be friends.

Being the team player that she is, my chick said she had the perfect girl for my friend. She came back 5 minutes later and brought over a cute girl who happened to be her roommate as well. Like Babe Ruth calling his own shot, I guaranteed my buddy we'd crush these broads as long we played our cards right.  Keep Reading »

Having found more than one ex-something in a bar (on and off the clock), I will begrudgingly admit that it is possible to successfully hit on a waitress. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as it looks. Here's the first rule on how not to hit on your server:

So you're out one night with five of your bros and decide you have to have that waitress. You start to interact, maybe flirt a bit. You buy her a shot. You buy yourself six. The inclination to get that waitress home with you is overwhelming. You feel like a 12-year-old boy whose balls just dropped, and you act accordingly. You ask her for her phone number. She declines, citing one of the usual suspects (boyfriend, girlfriend, not dating right now, not allowed to date customers, etc.). But rather than just taking the hit, your ego goes into overdrive. Surely she'll reconsider. Come on. Now she's trying to work her other tables and you're waiting by her station demanding an explanation. Maybe you grab her arm and that really sets her off. Unfortunately, you're not seeing the red flags through your beer goggles. So in a last ditch effort, you leave your name and phone number on the check with a note that reads, "Call me or I'll just keep coming back." You may think that's a slick line, but right now she's asking the bouncer to remember your face and never let you back in.

Moral of the story: Easy, Chris Brown. Threatening won't get your anywhere.

Men's Fitness offers its picks for the nation's five best beer bars -- as well as the top ten microbrews. It's a decent selection, but woefully incomplete. Feel free to unleash a few favorites of your...  Keep Reading »