Roxxxy the Sex Robot Offers Hope to Virgins Everywhere

Like most of you out there, I have no problem getting laid. And, if I happen to hit a cold streak, I'll either wait it out by whacking off to porn or I'll call up some go-to-ass that I have stored on my cell phone under names like "Fuck my pussy," "Artsy Bush," and "Roberta Flack." Sadly, some guys -- lonesome losers mainly -- never get any ass. Probably because they spend all their free time playing World of Warcraft, being incredibly introverted, and eating their own snot. But now, thanks to Douglas Hines and his new sex robot, Roxxxy (both pictured above) there is some hope -- if we can call it that -- for the perpetual virgins of this world.

From the looks of the picture, Doug invented this ugly fuck-bot out of personal necessity. But, despite his horrifying looks, Doug claims to be a happily married man who only developed Roxxxy as a marketable application for his artificial-intelligence technology. He is a God to awkward men with pent-up loads everywhere.

Roxxxy isn't available to buy yet, but in a few months, men will have the opportunity to own her for a mere $7,000 -- a sum of money that could buy you droves of real hookers. Doug claims that 4,000 men have already pre-ordered the sex-bot on his website, TrueCompanion.com, and another 20,000 have inquired about obtaining more information.

Perhaps Roxxxy's popularity is because she isn't just a replacement for your common street whore; she can take on other personalities and even hold conversations. According to CNN, Roxxxy is "powered by a computer under her soft silicone 'skin,' she employs voice-recognition and speech-synthesis software to answer questions and carry on conversations. She even comes loaded with five distinct 'personalities,' from Frigid Farrah to Wild Wendy, that can be programmed to suit customers' preferences." Other alter egos include: Annoying Amber, Drunken Debbie, and Fuck My Ass Francine (complete lie).

As it stands, Roxxxy only understands and speaks English for now, but Hines' True Companion company is currently developing Japanese and Spanish versions of the robot, news that is certainly cause for international celebration.

So Bros, there you have it. If, for some disgusting reason, you yearn to fuck an ugly, slack-jawed robot, hit up True Companion and all your sick fantasies will come true.