It is not easy to call someone who has earned millions of dollars "undeserving," but that sure as shit won't stop me from trying. I don't hate people who succeed; I just detest those who have made exorbitant amounts of money while lacking any real talent, marketable skill, or endearing qualities. Without listing every heir to a family fortune or lottery winner -- because those are just obvious -- we have concocted a list of 15 pseudo-celebrities or inventors (I use that word in the loosest way possible) who should be homeless, hungry, and urinating themselves just to keep warm. But to the chagrin of an entire nation, they still prosper.

(Note: These are not in any logical order as the accused are all equals when it comes to how much they don't deserve fortune and fame.)


William Hung
Of all the people on this list, I hate this goofy bastard the least because I am fairly certain that he has a sophisticated strand of retard in him. I mean, just take a look at that face, my good God. If that isn't screaming developmental disability, I don't know what is.

Perez Hilton
If you are looking at this picture and not thinking to yourself, "Fuck, I wish the bastard who gave him that shiner just finished the job," then you should immediately close your browser and begin swallowing shards of glass.


The Cast of "The Hills" and "The City"
My real beef here is with Spencer Pratt. Until he dies in the most heinous way possible, I will not rest. If you care to indulge in an entire essay on why it bothers me that Spencer is able to breathe without the use of a respirator, go here. And for the record, I prefer the plastic version of Heidi.


Patti Stanger
Some of you might know her as Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker, but to me, she will always be Fat Pat, an undeserving cunt whose masculine face is in dire need of a battery acid shower.


Tila Tequila
She is fairly attractive, she has a clever name, and she finds joy in munching twat from time to time. Based on that simple description I too should be worth millions. Well, I have yet to date (and kill) an heiress, so she has me there.


Jon and Kate
The sum of one douchebag plus every man's fertility nightmare should not equal a reality TV series and piles of cash. It should equal extreme poverty, a life of hardship, years of regret, and substance abuse.


Steve Williams (Tiger Woods' Caddy)
This fucking guy makes more money than 75% of the golfers on the PGA tour and he doesn't do shit. Tiger reads his own putts, selects his own clubs, and probably picks up his own chicks. All Stevie has to do is replace divots and keep his yapper shut about Eldrick's infidelity. Shit, if Tiger tossed me some of his sloppy seconds (for all I care, cum could still be seeping out of the broad), a few million bucks, and the occasional Dri-fit, I could do that too.


Nadya Suleman (Octomom)
Her face looks like a cross between Angelina Jolie, Macaulay Culkin, and eight diapers filled with baby shit. If you don't believe me see below.






Dr. Phil
I will make the bold assumption that he is about to put those thumbs up his own asshole.


John Basedow
Permanently flexing? Check. Frosted tips? Check. Arms constantly at a 90-degree angle? Check. Asshole devoid of any and all elasticity? Check.


Tony Little
The only thing worse than a ripped, frosted tipped robot (See: Basedow) hawking fitness advice is a flabby knock off of Mr. Perfect, clad in all spandex, trying to sell you a contraption (pictured above) that is capable of instantly turning an otherwise straight man into a fiery cock gobbler.


Doggles Creator
This bozo created goggles for fucking dogs! I love dogs as much as the next guy, but the last thing that any creature capable of licking its own balls needs is UV protection. The previous statement obviously excludes Marilyn Manson.


Jared Fogle (Subway Spokesman)
He lost weight and can now see his own dick. Whoop-dee-fucking-do. I hope he chokes to death on a Cold Cut Combo.


Jesse Palmer
How he ever made it to the NFL is still a mystery and his analytical skills as a football commentator make me wish I was autistic. But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't prefer listening to him over Mark May and his side kick, Sylvester the Cat.


The Inventor of the Snuggie
The inventor of the robe should sue this cocksucker because this isn't even an invention. It's a fucking robe that you wear backwards. Had this copycat strategically cut a cock hole in the Snuggie -- so the men of this great country could whack-off in cozy comfort --then he'd be worthy of his fortunes.

Honorable Mention:
Fonzworth Bentley
Pauly Shore
Wendy the Snapple Lady
Aaron Carter
Brendan Fraser
Freddie Prinze Jr.
Lane Kiffin