The Only Resume You Need to Land a Job in Finance

by joePA | January 22, 2010 at 11:57 a.m.
Views: 15418
Category: 9 TO 5

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(Unrated)

Earlier this morning a real-life resume from a living, breathing job-searcher landed in a BroBible inbox. We're not going to disclose the name of this bright whippersnapper, but we'll definitely share his credentials for a summer analyst position at Goldman Sachs. We're not sure if this aspiring financial analyst actually landed his dream job at the prestigious investment firm, but we definitely think he had cajones for sending in a resume and cover letter peppered with so much hubris. Check it out after the jump.

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Comments

by Anonymous | January 22, 2010 at 2:07 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

cut the kid a break he was a greeter at hollister

by The Street | January 22, 2010 at 2:12 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

Miraculous that he has such high standards for himself yet performed so poorly on the SATs...good luck buddy, I can hear the boutique shops calling your name now

by Anonymous | January 22, 2010 at 3:37 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

To be honest, I think I would want this kid working for me. Would you hire him? I would

by Anonymous | January 22, 2010 at 3:41 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

Even the boutiques like Lazard, Evercore, Jefferies, etc. wouldn't touch this kid. Moron.

by Bronan the Brobarian | January 22, 2010 at 4:26 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

I would slap him in the mouth

by Anonymous | January 22, 2010 at 6:30 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

Haha The Street-- you take no issue with the fact that he worked at hollister but you find it funny that he got a 1900 on the SATs... you must be the biggest fag ever

by There Can Only Be One Brolander | January 22, 2010 at 7:03 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

You think he did poorly on the SAT's? I though he did fairly well on them actually...

by There Can Only Be One Brolander | January 22, 2010 at 7:03 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

You think he did poorly on the SAT's? I though he did fairly well on them actually...

by Anonymous | January 22, 2010 at 10:37 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

"decrease shrink." What is shrink?

by Calvin BROdis | January 23, 2010 at 12:07 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

When the hell did the SAT change formats? I thought it was out of 1600. I must be getting old.

by Only The BEST | January 23, 2010 at 2:25 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

Sheesh. Why would you put that you helped customers selection of Hollister clothes on your resume to GS? Thats like saying you shit your pants all the time and eat your own boogers.

Maybe this dude is like mentally unstable and actually thinks he's a rainmaker. I remember my first summer analyst position at Goldman....noob

by Anonymous | January 23, 2010 at 7:26 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

If you knew Wall Street at all, you would be well aware that boutiques wouldn't even come close to considering tapping this kid as a candidate.

by brobert e. lee | January 23, 2010 at 7:58 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

This guy will wind up working as a bucket shop broker....

by Anonymous | January 23, 2010 at 9:25 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

I don't know if this is funny or just a waste of time. Everyone wants to get into finance this kid just sucks at resumes and cover letters. He prob goes to indiana or one of those state b schools people think are good until they graduate.

by Patrick Broman | January 24, 2010 at 1:19 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

I heard JT Marlin might be hiring this talent.

by laxplaya | January 25, 2010 at 9:23 a.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

this kid is well on his way to being an accountant. a 3.92 doesn't count if its from some retard school like uconn.

by who knows | January 25, 2010 at 11:31 a.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

he's alright. he just had too much coffee and got overly excited. he needs to calm down and remember that goldman is more about relationships and less about sheer ballziness. this guy might be great for them if he calms down on the front end. due to his initial errors, we'll never know.

by Chay Bromeester | January 25, 2010 at 10:49 p.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

The little blurb at the beginning of the resume is legit. The rest is kind of suspect.

by the biz | January 26, 2010 at 1:50 a.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

Its been awhile since I took my business course but shrink or shrinkage is loss in inventory from the time of purchase to the time of sale to the customer. The major cause tends to be employee theft however occasionally stock can go bad. In fact handy bit of knowledge liquor stores have a high shrinkage ratio because if a bottle breaks in shipment any bottles that have come in contact with that liquid gold have to be tossed
Hell in high school I was able to find all sorts of shit behind liquor stores, but I think they've gotten better at disposing of them.

by BRO-stradamus | February 5, 2010 at 12:11 a.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

It got forwarded this shit the day after he sent it. The kids toast; he's up there with that fag from Yale in the 90's. And the above mentioned boutique banks are tougher to break into than BB's.

by m onster | February 19, 2010 at 3:46 a.m. » Flag as Out of Bounds

this guy is a fukin clown, he must hve shit himself after he realized he actually sent this shit in. I think bernie madoff is looking for a summer analyst though

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