College Chick Breakdowns: The Girls of Marquette University

Note from Waffles: As you all probably know by now, our College Chick Breakdowns are weekly pieces that set out to explore all different types of chicks that one might encounter at a certain institution of higher learning. To date, with our readers help, we have dissected three schools and the beautiful babies that matriculate there: the University of Miami, the University of California at Santa Barbara and James Madison University. So Bros, if you want to talk about the girls at your school or alma mater -- even if you think the majority of them should eat out of troughs -- email me at wafflesmcbutter@brobible.com and I will write all about them and their affinity for swallowing massive loads. If you are still in high school, let me reiterate what I have been saying all along: use these breakdowns to your advantage.

This week, with the help of three Bros -- Filchay Mignon, Broseph Lieberman, and Richie Incognitbro -- we are probing the feminine population at Marquette University. Homosexuals not included.

Marquette, located in Milwaukee, Wisconsin (this came as news to me), might be most known for their basketball program and for being the breeding ground of an NBA superstar, Dwayne Wade. Our guys on the inside tell us that, "All the girls can name every member of the team, and are aware that Dwayne Wade is not a rapper featured in the song Shots." Most people, however, might not know that Marquette is also home to William Gates, one of the two men in the film documentary "Hoop Dreams." Unfortunately, Wills extravagant dreams of being the next Michael Jordan didnt quite shake out in the same way as D-Wades. Even though William made it to the collegiate level and played for Marquette, he never became the next Jordan. Unless, of course, the fry cook at his local McDonalds was also named Michael Jordan; then that is just an honest and ignorant mistake on my part.

Our panel of current Marquette undergrads didnt hold back when it came to being truthful about the chicks at their school. Most guys would over-embellish facts and exaggerate on how hot the broads on campus really are. Not our Bros, they gave it to me real and raw " similar to the way I prefer intercourse. Lets face it though, the school is in fucking Wisconsin and a 10 there is like a 7 in L.A or Miami. So if they tried to blow smoke up our united Bro asses we would cry foul.

Marquette, in fact, has very few 10s, but there are not a lot of girls who you would consider below a 5; which means that there is less of a chance to wake up next to a complete cow. So thats comforting. What Marquette does have, however, is a plethora of girls who are cute in the daylight, and mutate into absolute dimes when under the influence of alcohol. Even during the winter when the temperature is routinely in the single digits and negatives, the girls manage to look good even through all the layers of North Face.

Another marvelous feature about the chicks at Marquette is that they come from money. So forking over five-hundo for their own abortion wont be an issue (insert enthusiastic thumbs up here). Our trio had this to say about the girls privileged circumstances, "Before scholarships, Marquette costs over $40,000, and many students attended private school before college anyways. There are a high percentage of girls from the Chicago suburbs, which tend to be where the highly paid stock exchange members reside. The fact that these girls can afford to come here tells us that in essence, they are rich as fuck and have daddy's trust fund to rely on." It would seem to me that along with your watery load, breakfast -- the morning after you disrespect her vagina -- is also on her.

Sex Life
Sadly, Marquette is a catholic school, so most girls come in with morals, principles and a Bible in their nightstand. For the most part, though, by the end of freshman year, those morals have been squashed, their principles are in shambles and their night stand now harbors a Jackrabbit dildo and an economy size pack of Trojans.

Another reason that the DTF goes up is that since the girls are not absolute dimes, their insecurities are easily preyed upon. Insecurities can range from small/lopsided tits to having ankles that are thicker than the trunk of an old oak tree to even just being the owner of an unfortunate face.

My coconspirators, in this article, all happen to be freshman at Marquette and they grade the female freshman a C+ while insisting that the upperclassmen are a B when it comes to matters of the mattress.

Party Habits
Marquette has good parties almost every weekend and pre-gaming in the dorms occurs nightly. The Bros at Marquette dont pretend to be champion drinkers like other schools might, because they dont have to. They live in the hometown of Miller, a town with the most bars per capita in the country. Also, because these girls have morals, they use alcohol as an excuse to lose them. Another plus for Marquette is that the Bradley Center is one of the only college basketball arenas that is allowed to serve beer, as it is the home of the Milwaukee Bucks. Therefore, the girls pre-game before the basketball games, drink at the basketball games, and immediately head out to the parties for a full night of getting belligerently drunk and sending their morals to the local morgue.

Chillness
There are few girls at the school that the guys would classify as malignant cunts. As with every school, there are exceptions, but for the most part, the girls at Marquette are chill. One of the bros gave this example, "Im in what some people might consider a relationship -- it happens -- and if I just want to chay with my bros, its never a problem. There is very little drama here, which we probably take for granted."

With elegance and grace, here is how Filchay Mignon, Broseph Lieberman, and Richie Incognitbro summed up the broads at Marquette University:

"While the girls of Marquette are not by any means the hottest girls, there are plenty of cute girls who make up for their lack of fake tits with their chillness, interest in athletics, and low maintenance level. The Marquette Bro obviously has desires for the 919s of warm weather schools, but we also appreciate being able to hang out with girls and not wait on them hand and foot. Also, the Catholic girls here have been waiting 18 years to break out of their shells, and now that theyre at college, theyre ready."

Here is how the girls at MU stack up in certain areas:

Hotness: B
DTF: C+ progressing to a B
Daddys Bank Role: A-
Alcohol Consumption: B+
Intelligence: B+
Chillness: B+
Interest in Athletics: A
Maintenance Level: B+
Prevalence of Fake Tits: F
Overall: B/B-

Up next, Arizona State University...