Go Big Or Go Home With 'Avatar' and the Week 15 NFL Picks

This weekend marks an exciting time for us movie fans. James Cameron's "Avatar" hits theaters today with the billing as the most expensive movie ever made. Rumors are flying about how much the movie actually cost to make, but whenever a $500 million number gets thrown around, that's no joke. I'm sure there are those in the BroBible universe thinking they couldn't give two shits about a movie directed by the same assclown that put together "Titanic," but let me remind you he's also responsible for "Terminator" and "Aliens." Cameron is legit and his supposed $500 budget proves that. He's spent 12 years putting "Avatar," so the expectations should be as high as the budget.

"Avatar" has all the elements of movies that typically get panned by critics: it has extensive special effect stylization, a supposedly God-awful script, and it's too long. Yet the reviews coming back are overwhelmingly positive so far. It has won over the artsy critic circles purely based on its special effects and innovating action, which is next to impossible to do. In a way, Avatar is a lot like the New Orleans Saints. You know exactly what you are going to get with the Saints and that might make you a bit jaded. The Saints still manage to impress you with showmanship and style; it seems as if "Avatar" is having the same affect on moviegoers.

While I'm more looking forward to the release of "Sherlock Holmes," Avatar's release date has been sitting on my calendar for months. A movie like this is worth a few hours of your day, just to see what the spectacle is about. I highly suggest going to see it in IMAX 3-D, just so that you don't sell yourself short on the experience. If for some reason the movie disappoints, feel free to complain in the comments section. Or Im sure there a nice, plump coed waiting for you at your local bar with a little more than just a muffin top coming out of jeans and a mustache that makes your 5 oclock shadow quite amateurish by comparison. Either way you should get the release you're looking for.

Locks of the Week:

SAN DIEGO (-6.5) over Cincinnati
Phil Rivers is the closest thing the NFL has to a villain and he's damn good at it. Although Rivers probably won't show disrespect toward the Bengals, who will still be grieving the death of Chris Henry, don't be surprised if he suddenly snaps, runs over to the Bengals' sideline, and take a dump in Ocho Cinco's sombrero. He also hasn't lost a game in December as a starter throughout his career. No rest for the weary as the Chargers take care of this one.

DENVER (-14) over Oakland
The Raiders have officially given up on the Jamarcus Russell era as they decided to pass him over for Charlie Frye in needing a starting quarterback this weekend. This is all bad news for fast food chains in the Bay area because that fat piece of shit Russell will likely be spending his rookie contract dollars elsewhere next season. Frye hasn't started a game in two years for a reason. The Broncos have everything to play for and they should dominate the line of scrimmage against a reeling Raiders squad.

Arizona (-12) over DETROIT
The third lock was a tough decision this week, but I landed on the Cardinals when pushed for a decision. The NFL changes from week to week, so you shouldn't be too worried at the Cardinals' meltdown last week. When Warner threw five interceptions in Week 8, he came right back with five touchdowns the next week. This reminds me of the Thanksgiving game when the Lions were unable to compete with a high-powered passing offense. With Kevin Smith out for the season, they won't have the running game (not that they ever really had a strong one to begin with) to slow the game down.

Trap Game of the Week:

Dallas (+7) over NEW ORLEANS
The most important news out of Dallas this week isn't that Demarcus Ware might not play. Everyone's talking about Jessica Simpson moving up in the world after getting dumped by Tony Romo; it seems she might be the latest addition to Tiger's harem of women. You know he has sent texts asking her to give him a blumpkin at his California house. It's still hard to believe Woods was talking dirty to all these broads. Is Romo jealous of Simpson's upgrade and is he not able to focus on the Saints? On the flip side, the Saints have been playing incredibly tight games recently. The Pats game made everyone forget for a week, but they're not exactly blowing teams out. What makes this the trap game is that you can't have any faith in the Cowboys during December at this point. One last question: is Fox broadcasting this game in 3-D?

Rest of the Picks:

BUFFALO (+7) over New England
Nobody in New England cares about the Patriots these days because everyone's focused on John Lackey's wife. Man, that bitch could get it. No wonder Bellichick's gameplanning has been subpar. He's been spending all this time figuring out how he's gonna steal Lackey's wife from him. The only gameplan he's working on involves the new Trojan ecstasy condoms, a bottle of lube, and some tape to keep her silent.

BALTIMORE (-10.5) over Chicago
The betting against Jay Cutler continues. It's as simple as that.

TENNESSEE (-3.5) over Miami
Before we all head to BroBible Spring Break in Mexico, we need to be organizing trips to Dolphins games. Hopefully they don't shut it down like the sex displays that used to go on at Jets games. On the field, Vince seems to be relatively healthy and I'm still not completely sold on the Dolphins.

KANSAS CITY (-1.5) over Cleveland
The Chiefs have let me down in the last two weeks, but the Browns played in their own Super Bowl last week. Expect a typical let down with a dysfunctionally coached bunch.

Houston (-12) over ST. LOUIS
Are you going to back a team that's swarmed by Swine Flu? I didn't think so...

Atlanta (+6) over N.Y. JETS
I was torn on this game, but I feel like the Jets are still due to give their fans a letdown. We all know it's coming, but we just don't know when. Kinda like how you feel dating a hot chick in New York City and knowing she's in the same zipcode as Waffles. Her vagina is only minutes away from a bruising.

San Francisco (+9) over PHILADELPHIA
The Eagles haven't had one of their inept offensive weeks in a while and the Niner defense seems primed to make that happen. It'll also be hard for the Eagles to not look ahead to the final two weeks with Denver and Dallas looming.

PITTSBURGH (-1.5) over Green Bay
Everyone's jumping on the Packers this week, so I'm going in the other direction. Look, the Packers have strengthened their record against mediocre pass rushes in the last four games. Everyone's forgotten the offensive line woes that haven't exactly gone away. The Steelers' second-ranked pass rush will swarm Rodgers and, unlike the Browns, the Packers are a little less motivated with a Wild Card cushion and the Seahawks ahead next week.

SEATTLE (-7) over Tampa Bay
This game isn't worth watching. You're better off catching the Ironman 2 trailer on loop for the three hours.

Minnesota (-9) over CAROLINA
The Panthers are missing their starting offensive tackles against a beastly pass rush. With that in mind, the Vikings will stack the box to stop the run. I'll be surprised if Carolina cracks 14 points and we know the Vikings can roll up the points, with or without Harvin.

N.Y. Giants (-3) over WASHINGTON
Take all my Giants picks with a grain of salt at this point because I have no idea what to expect from the team on any given week. They would be better off with the BroBible staff lining up on defense these days.

Season Record: 102-89-2 (53.4%)
This Week: 1-0
Last Week: 8-8
Survivor: 11-2
Locks: 21-22