Stuck in a turkey-induced stupor all weekend? Here's what you might have missed:

• Tiger Woods canceled yet another interview with the Windermere, Fla., police on Sunday and released a statement that said: "This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again." You should be picking up on the double meaning. While it sounds like it's about the car accident that occurred in early Friday morning in which Tiger hit a fire hydrant and tree just outside of his house, the "situation" he's talking about is of course that he (allegedly) cheated on his smoking hot wife Elin with New Yorker Rachel Uchitel, who denies last week's report in the National Enquirer saying as much.
  
  Check out Uchitel's photo and more after the jump.

According to TMZ, Tiger told a friend on Friday afternoon that he has "to run to Zales to get a 'Kobe Special.'" The person on the other end of the phone asked Tiger what a "Kobe Special" was. The reply -- "A house on a finger." In other words, he's got to buy Elin a nice piece of ice to make up for his (alleged) infidelities. Also not yet figured out is whether Tiger's facial lacerations were caused by the car accident or by Elin herself. As to the rumor that Elin was attacking Tiger's car with a golf club -- and didn't use it to help Tiger escape the car -- Tiger says in Sunday's statement: "Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible. The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false." The police, meanwhile, are now looking to get a warrant to investigate whether his injuries were the result of the accident or domestic abuse. And there's still the lingering question of whether he was taking pain meds at the time. So now you're caught up, but we're expecting more fireworks all week. And don't expect Tiger to play at his Chevron World Challenge in California this week. Do expect Tiger to sweep all four majors next year as a giant fuck you to the rest of the world.

• Meanwhile, in the NFL, the Ravens beat the Steelers 20-17 in OT, and the Bengals completed their first ever division sweep with a 16-7 victory over the Browns. Philly staged a fourth quarter comeback to knock off Washington 27-24, while the Bills scored 24 unanswered points, all in the fourth quarter, to beat the Dolphins 31-14. The Vikings won their tenth game behind 392 passing yards by Brett Favre, and Vince Young wasn't too far behind with 387 yards, including the game-winning TD as the Titans got passed the Cardinals. The Colts improved to 11-0, and tonight the also undefeated Saints battle the Patriots on MNF.
  
  
• There were few surprises in college football the BCS standings remain the same as they did last week. And yes, Notre Dame lost, again. Elsewhere in sports, the Nets fired head coach Lawrence Frank after the team started the season 0-16, and Duke beat UConn at MSG to win the pre-season NIT tournament. College hoops top 25 upsets included Clemson over #10 Butler, Alabama over #15 Michigan, and UNLV over #16 Louisville.
  
  
• In other news, President Obama will address the nation Tuesday night at 8 o'clock to present his plan for "finishing the job" in Afghanistan. Black Friday went off without too many injuries, and experts are saying that shopper turnout was up over last year, but most were "sticking to their lists" instead of splurging. The worldwide markets are trying to rebound after taking a beating late last week following news that Dubai asked for a delay in repaying some of its debts. "New Moon" stayed atop the box office with $42.5M, but "The Blind Side" was close behind with $40.1M. Has anyone seen it? Any good? We've heard good things.
  
  
• And yes, those reality star wannabes who crashed the White House state dinner last week did indeed meet the President. The Secret Service is deeply embarrassed... and investigating.
  
  
• One last story worth reading: the Swiss people voted Sunday to overwhelmingly impose a national ban on the construction of minarets, the prayer towers of mosques. This is Switzerland we're talking about, one of the most neutral, welcoming countries in the world. WTF.