It's Time to Drop the Gloves in the 'Ruins' in An Episode Where No One Gets Sent Home

It appears as if there are only two episodes left after Wednesday's episode of MTV's "Real World/Road Rules Challenge," which also means that "Jersey Shore" is another week closer to giving us our new MTV reality TV fix. As if the Gods knew the season was coming to a close, we were treated with a legendary drunken altercation that would've made C.T. proud. It was disappointing, however, that the producers left us in suspense with who got sent home after the Ruins. Feeling the need to add dramatic effect, they decided to cut the show off in the middle of the elimination portion and leave viewers in suspense. Let's be real. There was plenty of drama in the episode. Do we honestly care who won between the people that were up for elimination? No! Evan and Kenny are the only candidates left that would really make the dramatic pause worthwhile because even the attractive girls can't be tolerated at this point due to their craziness.

Let's Get Right to the Punch-line:
After spending last week talking up Brad's maturity, he let us down in this episode. The inability of Casey to perform at acceptable athletic levels finally got to the man and he turns to everyone's best friend, Jack Daniels. After chugging epic proportions from the bottle, he makes Kelly Anne cry and tries to fire Dunbar up for the upcoming competition. He's calling it a war and says they have to go out fighting. It's straight nonsense, but it is fun to see old school San Diego Brad in the house. Eventually he goes into a room where the Champions are hanging out and starts running his mouth at Darrell for no reason. Everyone's watching instead of telling him to walk away. Evan says he's afraid to stop it. Meanwhile, Brad's yelling out more ridiculous lines like "I will work you son" to antagonize Darrell. It's so close, you can feel it...

Give Darrell some credit because he held his cool for a while. Evan finally decides to get in the way, but Brad can't be stopped at this point. He starts pushing Darrell, who gets up and goes apeshit on Brad. He pushes him against the wall, knocking him to the floor, and then becomes Pacquiao to Brad's Cotto as he turns Brad's right eye into a gushing grapefruit. Both contestants are obviously going home at this point, but the aftermath is rather disappointing. Brad apologizes to the camera, realizing the alcohol got the best of him. No shit! Old habits die hard and despite all his maturity and reform, he still has the drunken retard buried deep inside. It's no surprise Darrell fell for the bait because he's this tough guy trainer that's always talking a big game. I guess he won't be winning this challenge for a change. Nice job throwing away 30Gs, idiot.

Playing a Game of Just the Tip:
Everyone loves a game of "he said, she said," but the battle between Kelly Anne and Dunbar is so tired at this point. While drunk on her birthday, Kelly Anne decides to confront Dunbar about the rumors that were going around. You see, Kelly Anne apparently doesn't like hearing that she banged Dunbar because she claims it never happened. We all know they were messing around while sharing a bed in "Real World: Sydney," but the actual details were never revealed because Dunbar had a girlfriend at the time. To be honest, Dunbar can say whatever the fuck he wants. Kelly Anne was a cocktease, knowing Dunbar had a girlfriend, and was disappointed she couldn't get what she wanted. She eventually got the man to crack, so he better have peppered that vag with his money's worth.

The argument never seems to go away as Kelly Anne keeps bringing up the rumor. If she wants the fucking rumor to go away, maybe she shouldn't keep talking about it all the time. Just let it go because we're all tired of these two bitching and moaning. She was probably too drunk to remember it anyway. You think Wes would be happy to hear his girlfriend bringing this up all the time. For the love of God, let it fucking die already!

This Isn't the Kind of Pussy You Were Hoping for:
It seems like all the shit-talking and bravado going around this season is a front for a lack of testicular and ovarian fortitude. There were numerous scenarios last night that screamed "man, what a pussy." We'll start with Dunbar, who is always talking shit, but finally has to back it up in the Ruins. He says he can't wait to throw Johnny around. Has Dunbar ever proven himself in one of these challenges? Hell no!

Next we have Susie, who thinks she can convince the guys to let her choose her opponent in the Ruins because she's the only girl left. When she finally gets into mediation room with her teammates, she buckles faster than you would if C.T. showed up on your doorstep and lets her teammates determine that she should take on Kim. To compound that, she tries talking shit to Kim before they face each other in the Ruins, but then does a separate interview admitting she's nervous. Seriously? For someone who likes to talk about how she's never been beaten in a one-on-one competition, we expect better.

Then there's Kenny, who is flirting with Sarah as if he's in third grade. He makes fun of her all day long and tells her she can kiss him if she can actually beat him at darts. Later the gang plays a game of Truth or Dare and Johnny dares the pair to make out, but Kenny tries to play it cool. Once again hornball Kenny wants to wants to play cool for the cameras. He's not fooling anyone. He wants to blow his load all over Sarah's tattooed body.

Finally, Johnny, one of the biggest shit-talkers around, mentions that we're at the point of the game where everyone's number is going to get called. After going through his whole spiel, he's still not willing to volunteer himself. When they get to the mediation room, he tries to go on the attack and says Kenny should take on Dunbar because Kenny's the biggest. I hate to break it to you, Johnny, but Kenny ain't going nowhere. Surprisingly it's Derek who says the right thing to do is for Johnny to step up and Johnny folds like a cheap suit. The result is a Ruins with two shit talkers who can't necessarily back their shit up.

The Actual Results:
The competition "On the fence" wasn't rocket science or too physical. Three chain-linked fences are constructed off the side of a building. One player at a time from each team races across to the end of the fences and rings a bell. Since the winner is the team with the least total time, the Challengers have no chance to win because Casey is scared of heights and generally worthless. Since I've already discussed the Ruins match-ups and how the episode cuts out before elimination, there's nothing more to speak of here.

The Aftershow Isn't Worth Watching:
I've heard good things about the Aftershow, so I decided to tune in this week given that there wasn't much to take in from the results. Darrell and Brad see each other for the first time since their fight and its surprising they didn't cry in each others' arms after both issued apologies to the other. If they were such good friends though, there are questions that must be asked. Why didn't Brad call Darrell back? How come they haven't seen each other since the fight if they're that close and felt bad about what happened? Answers to those questions would make too much sense...

Kelly Anne and Dunbar make us sit through another bickering match. After all this they probably would have a wild time hate-fucking each other. It comes back to the same question of whether they had sex. Dunbar says yes, Kelly Anne says no, but realistically it can't be this hard to determine whether or not it happened. The only interesting part is that Kelly Anne was crazy enough to call up Dunbar's ex-girlfriend, who found his written list of sexual conquests (he really is a moron; you can't keep that on file where your girlfriend can find it!), and asks the girlfriend if she's on the list. Does it really fucking matter???

Still To Come:
The scenes from next week's episode were incredibly weak. We get to find out who gets sent home from the Ruins, but we're only looking forward to that because we were deprived of it this week. Casey is whining about crossing some structure and T.J. calls her out. Not exactly newsworthy stuff. I got a feeling next week's recap is in need of an edge in order to make the episode more exciting.