After watching eight weeks of football, I've had enough. No, I'm not talking about the games themselves (which I wish lasted all year long) or the amount of pathetic franchises stepping foot on the field. I'm talking about the Bud Light "Tailgate Approved" advertising campaign that has been forced upon us during numerous commercials breaks. No one cares about these awful combination ideas like the grooler or foozie. The pitchman is annoying as fuck and the commercials just aren't funny. What happened to the humorous Bud Light commercials of yesteryear? If they ran these during the Super Bowl, they'd be taking much more flack for such a mediocre effort.

Who were the ad wizards who came out with this sack of shit campaign, you ask? A little advertising agency named Cannonball, out of St Louis. If you go to their website, you'll see their TV reel, which includes previous Bud Light campaigns. They did the one where a stripper pole moonlighted as a fireman's pole in a guy's apartment. That was humorous. The "Tailgate Approved" campaign that's shoved down our throat is nothing like that. For the love of God, fire the hack that green-lighted this dogshit and let's move on. Jimmy, go fuck yourself!!

Survivor Pick of the Week:

ATLANTA over Washington
Things are getting lean in the world of Survivor as most pools should be down to 25% of the original entrants at this point. Arizona disappointed some people last week, but not Mr. T, as I went with America's team. There are some juicy high spreads this week to lead you in a certain direction, but given what teams you've already chosen, you might find yourself up shit's creek without a paddle. I'll look to the Falcons this week, who gladly return home after a couple of tough road games. Matt Ryan's numbers show he's a much better player on home turf. Despite extra time to prepare with the bye week, I don't expect Washington's offense to look any more productive than what we've seen in previous weeks. Soon enough Dan Snyder will cast out Jim Zorn, who hopefully doesn't end up as ashamed as this guy.
Previously used: Green Bay, Baltimore, Chicago, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Indianapolis, and Dallas

Locks of the Week:

Green Bay (-9.5) over TAMPA BAY
I'll admit it's quite embarrassing that my locks sit at 52.3%, while my picks as a whole sit at 61.6%. What's the purpose of a lock if it isn't as good as the others? Thankfully I've got another nine weeks to turn that around. The Packers have proven they can cover big spreads as road favorites, having taken care of business in St. Louis and Cleveland earlier this year. The Packers can only be stopped by a team with a pass rush (a la the Vikings) and the Bucs only have 11 sacks in seven games this season. Add in the first start for Josh Freeman against a quality defense and this could get ugly.

CAROLINA (+13.5) over NEW ORLEANS
I've been harping on the Panthers' play calling all year, constantly begging John Fox to force offensive coordinator Jeff Davidson to run the football more. I even wrote numerous letters to Fox, but surprisingly Fox never wrote back. My requests have been answered on the field, however, as the Panthers gave the Cardinals a healthy dose of DeAngelo and "The Daily Show" last week. Instead of my suggested electric chair, maybe Fox resorted to other measures. After watching Michael Turner expose the Saint defense last week and seeing the Panther defense come along, this spread seems too high for a divisional game.

NEW ENGLAND(-10.5) over Miami
There are numerous aspects of this game that I like. The Patriot offense has shown elite form in recent weeks and they take on Miami's two starting rookie cornerbacks. Bellichick had a bye week to prepare for the Wildcat offense that gashed him last year. Bellichick also had a bye week to make first year starter Chad Henne look like the sack of shit that he is. Finally, the weather in Foxboro is going to be 61 degrees on Sunday, perfect for the Patriot offense to shine. What's not to like?

Trap Game of the Week:

JACKSONVILLE (-6.5) over Kansas City
My first instinct for this game said to take Jacksonville because they've performed much better on the road than at home this year. Then I thought about how Todd Haley had an extra week to prepare his offense and the motivation to shove a productive running game up LJ's ass now that he's suspended. But I've tried to trust my instincts all year, so this week isn't going to be any different. I just can't see the Chiefs stopping the Jaguar offense when it counts.

Rest of the Picks:

ATLANTA (-10.5) over Washington
I'm not backing Jim Zorn and Jason Campbell on the road right now. You shouldn't either.

Arizona (+3) over Chicago
Chicago is incredibly overrated. Had Jeff Reed actually spent time practicing field goals in Week 2 instead of sending pictures of his dong to chicks, the Bears would be under .500. They've beaten three shitty teams (Seattle, Detroit, and Cleveland), while losing to three playoff contenders (Green Bay, Atlanta, and Cincinnati). Why should they deserve any respect? If it's possible, Cutler's actually made the Bear offense less cohesive. Offensive Coordinator Ron Turner said he's scaling back his playbook. Have you ever heard an OC do that for a good quarterback who has been in the league a few years? Didn't think so...

CINCINNATI (+3) over Baltimore
The Bengals are getting no respect. They beat the Ravens once, they have a better record than them, they're coming off the bye, they're at home, and yet they're still three-point underdogs. What gives? The Ravens can still be exposed to the deep pass and Cincinnati has the tools to make that happen. Besides, the Bengals used to the bye week to scout new defensive linemen and rumor is they found someone big enough to stop the Ravens' running game.

Houston (+9) over INDIANAPOLIS
This is the biggest game in the history of the Texans franchise. No pressure or anything, guys! The Texan offense is plenty good enough to cover nine points and they've showed they're capable road foes.

Detroit (+10) over SEATTLE
How does a two-win team deserve to be a 10-point home favorites? Vegas wanted to make the spread high enough to protect them from all the action that would be coming on the Seahawks. Guess what? The action is still coming in at a 64% clip through Thursday night. This seems like the kind of game Vegas cleans up on.

N.Y. GIANTS (-4.5) over San Diego
Admittedly I whiffed on the Giants last week. I'm feeling good about them this week though. San Diego's battered offensive line is exactly what the Giants need. They also get Michael Boley and Chris Canty back on defense. They should run the ball down the Chargers' throats on the way to victory. In other news, Jim Nantz is doing the game for CBS. Jim, you could do better than this...

SAN FRANCISCO (-4) over Tennessee
Tennessee wins one game and suddenly everyone is on board again? I'll pass on Vince Young on the road. Thanks.

Dallas (+3) over PHILADELPHIA
Despite what happened against the Giants last week, I still don't have any respect for this Eagles team. Meanwhile the Cowboys have looked like a professional football team in recent weeks. I'll take the team with the complete offense.

Pittsburgh (-3) over DENVER
The word is out on Kyle Orton. Force him to beat you deep and the Bronco offense is ineffective. The Steelers, always prepared, will have Orton in their sights. Watch out.

Season Record: 61-38-1 (61.6%)
Last week: 8-5
Locks: 11-10
Survivor: 6-1