This is the latest installment of Ask A Bro with Waffles McButter. Got a question of your own for Waffles? Email wafflesmcbutter@brobible.com. You can also now follow Waffles on Twitter or be his friend on Facebook.

Dear Waffles,

I'm trying to pick up this slammin' Australian chick. Do you have any advice for bro's trying to land international chicks?

Thanks.
ramBRO

Dear John J,

First I'd like to start by offering my long overdue condolences for your fallen brothers, especially Danforth, he was a good egg and a hell of a used-car salesman before the war. Nam' was fucking hell for all of us and I'm sure you miss him and the rest of your fallen platoon. But enough with all the fuckin' pleasantries; kindness makes me sick, Vietnam was years ago, and no bro should ever live in the past. So let's talk about the mission at hand and how you can bag and tag this Australian bird without spiking her drink with cyanide or the use of sweet Napalm.

In my extremely biased and discriminatory opinion, you are going after the best that the rest of the world has to offer. Australian women not only have the sexiest and most tolerable accents but I also find them to be the top tits when it comes to looks as well. If you don't believe me, take a gander at this succulent piece of ass. I imagine that one night of sex with her would be more gratifying than watching the birth of my first child.

Australians, in general, are usually more down to earth than other international women. Take women from Russia or others who hail from Eastern Europe as an example. For whatever unknown reason, women from Eastern Europe tend to think way too highly of themselves, they expect men to shower them with lavish things (other than chunky semen), and they are extremely high maintenance. Thankfully, you aren't chasing one of them, so my advice won't have to be laden with scare tactics and violence.

What you need to do to get this girl is fairly simple and straight forward. You are into this chick for three obvious reasons: Her looks, her accent, and because she is a down ass bitch with a lot to offer (see: looks and accent). I suggest that you go into this like you would with any run-of-the-mill American broad. Do not to focus on, or bring attention to, her accent when you talk to her. She wants someone who likes her, not a guy with an Australian accent fetish or a guy who has grotesque psoriasis of the face -- I am operating under the assumption that you don't have either.

As a man, we love it when a girl is turned on by our accent or thinks we are an Adonis. It feeds the tape worm that is our ego. But for women, they aren't as shallow. And my point is, if you are only in it for the accent, keep that to yourself. Obviously don't dismiss the fact that she is from Australia; ask her about the country and where she's from, see if she's ever fisted herself to a poster of Paul Hogan, and definitely don't forget to talk about how Foster's tastes like piss. She hates it, too, trust me. I have slept with my fair share of international broads and believe me, if you play her like a regular girl and if she wants herself an American boy (and why wouldn't she?), she'll be all yours -- unless she is Emily Scott. Then she's mine.

Belligerence is bliss,
Waffles

P.S. For those bros living in NYC, hit a place called the Sun Burnt Cow, the entire wait staff is from Australia. No fibs.