Bro Breakdowns: The Southern Preppy Bro
by Ned's Younger B... | Monday, November 2, 2009 at 11:20am | 55 comments - 10696 reads
Editor's Note: This is the fourth installment of a new column by Ned's Younger Brother, founder of the hilarious Bros Like This Site. Each week, Ned's Younger Brother will offer up character breakdowns of all the different types of Bros out there. Last week: the Baltimore Bro. Up next: the Southern Preppy Bro.
It's game day. As you walk to the tailgate you get some weird looks from the opposing team's fans. It's not your fault they don't know how to dress. Sure it's 95 degrees out, but who the fuck cares? You look fucking sick in your sports coat, bow tie, and lobster pants. As the sun starts to creep into your eyes you touch your head to see if you remembered to wear your shades. Fuck -- they aren't there. Immediately you realize you're a fucking idiot -- obviously they're hanging around your neck on your Croakies.
With the tailgate in sight, you hear the voice: "Spare some change, sir?" Are you fucking kidding me? You are not in the mood. Not only are you late for the tailgate, but you just stepped in a puddle and now your top siders are fucking drenched, and now this?
"No I don't have any change, but I do have some advice: GET A FUCKING JOB!!" Doesn't he realize how fucking easy it is for your Dad to get you a job with one of his golfing buddies? As you walk away, you give him the finger. Victory is sweet. Now, even if they couldn't tell by your clothes, everyone will know that you're better than them. Of course you are, after all, you're the Southern preppy bro.
Often spotted at SEC schools such as Ole Miss, Georgia, or Tennessee, Southern preppy bros are brave as shit. You really have to be when everyone wants to kick your ass just because of what you are wearing. Southern prep bros love designer brand clothing even more than those sluts on "Sex and the City." Having a Lacoste croc, Polo horse, or trying-to-kill-himself Brooks Brothers sheep somewhere on your clothes immediately validates you as a true Sothern preppy bro. After they get decked out, Southern preppy bros can be found googling moonshine recipes beneath their Confederate flag in their frat house bedroom listening to some Kenny Chesney song with a fat pinch of dip lodged in their lower lip.
A favorite pastime rivaled only by their love of pastel v-neck sweaters and veiled racism is their ability to make girls think they are "gentlemen." For some ridiculous reason, Southern girls demand to be treated like "ladies." Bros fucking hate this, but because of their resourcefulness, Southern preppy bros have adapted. By doing shit that other bros across the country would never do -- such as pulling out chairs, holding doors open, and actually going out on dates with girls -- Southern preppy bros are able to achieve the goal they share with bros across the county: Getting Laid.
So the next time you see a bro out at the bar sipping whiskey with a haircut that looks as though he just got done filming "Two a Days," don't call him a tool or yell at him to get back to fucking his farm animals. He may refuse to pound your fist since it's "too ghetto" but shake his hand, he's a bro and the last thing this world needs is more bro on bro violence.
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Comments
Southern Bros are the best type of bros. If anyone disagrees I don't give a fuck
Absolutely. If you disagree with this, wear ed hardy, use the word "tight" to describe something "cool", then you are automatically by default a faggot and should chug bleach.
these guys all look like retards when they dress up for tailgates. theres nothing cool about looking like a pastel jizzstain, if youre going to try and look like a new england bro dont overdo it. faggots.
Wow pretty aggressive comments considering you two are suggesting that you're "southern bros." Way to articulate that you are southern gentlemen, I am sure Robert E. Lee is turning in his grave. Sorry we all can't live below the mason Dixon line, is now a good time to inform you that the South lost the civil war?
Shame for putting Balti's and Confederates in the same category. Snowboard Bums and Balti's are bros, no doubt, but if you talk like Bobby Bowden and your school is known more for baseball than lax, you can't be a bro.
Notice there is no "Baseball" section on BroBible
I am still confused after reading as to where you got the notion that the "southern Bro" or gentleman got his roots? I understand there is long lasting tradition in the south to be a gentleman with such things as respecting women, opening doors and asking Dad if its ok to bring little Caroline-Anne to the Junior prom, however everyone who has ever been raised either north or south does that shit. Too me this new-era frat star type you are describing tail-gating and such is nothing more than a southern boy with a New England Fantasy, trying to pull of a look that has been a lifestyle for Decades on the coastal and southern parts of CT/MA, and more simply put...done with better taste and class.
M. Chillson...you sir are correct
these guys all look like retards when they dress up for tailgates. theres nothing cool about looking like a pastel jizzstain, if youre going to try and look like a new england bro dont overdo it. faggots.
Now lets all calm down here a minute Bretheren.
Robert E. Lee (may he rest in peace, a good Virginia man)
was one of many Brofound people to come from our beloved soil. You cannot forget his outstanding Generals; P.G.T. BROregard and the valiant BROnewall Jackson.
let's not attack baseball for being un-bro. just because it is less celebrated by brobible doesn't mean that bros in baseball do not exist. that's america's favorite pastime babe.
south definitely has better tailgates, better greek life, an all around slower and relaxed, and better weather for staples like fishing and boating, but also people from mississippi get to know that in the end, they're still from poorass. north has more money, bigger cities, pro sports teams, can claim responsibility for BB,V.V and RL, and fast (coast) or slow (midwest) life tempo, but also has way more ed hardy dbags and wannabe new jerseyians. Both of us are united in our fight against brohaters tho and that should be 1st and foremost.
and dont call baseball unbro, because it's fucking baseball and that's really all you need to say about it you communist.
Bros in Southern cities still have plenty of money and all of the better athletes come from the south anyway. Laxers in the north may be better now but Lax is getting so popular in the south or at least where I live that I am positive laxers in the south are going to be better in the next 10 years.
bros, we shouldnt be fighting amongst our selves like this. south or north were still bros, both north and south have their pros and cons.
i agree, way to keep the peace mr. broosevelt
good article, a couple douchebag j-bro comments on this. Nothing is wrong with fratting hard at a tailgate, don't be sorry just because you're busy in your jersey and cargo shorts and ankle socks... sweet life you fucking faggots. Second, i dont know if you realize the first settlers in the new world lived in VA and have been dressing like fratsars as long as MA CT boys have only difference is in the south they don't have liberals, gays, or ed hardy donning douchebags like in the north, I love the north but the south is a much more pure fratmosphere for any bro looking to sho gun some natty's in the parking lot that they wont remember when their team wins, or loses who fucking cares if you're a bro you blacked out before anyway. bottom line is a southern bro hits the booze, win or lose and does it in style; blazer, tie, shorts, sperry's. no hating on the southern bro, unless you're a bro hating douchebag who loves clubbing in "The City".
i don't understand this assumption that bros in the north wear ed hardy. literally nobody does....ever
Brogan Chaynkins- agreed with 98% of the post. That other 2% is the ankle socks comment. How ankle socks makes someone a fucking faggot is beyond me.
there are plenty of people in the north who wear ed hardy, but theere are total douchebags, not bros. northern bros have more douchebags and bro haters to put up with, but in the end if only makes a stronger and more united brociety.
Jim BROw law....you should probably never look at this website again. ankle socks may be the most un-bro inventions ever created. now go throw on your ed hardy shirt and re-gel you hair to match with you gay assed ankle socks ya queer
Not really understanding the ankle socks hate - NYB already declared them bro on broslikethissite. Get on your shit bros
im so high, i don't even know who my own name was!
if i go to ole miss...better believe il be a southern bro
i don't understand how anybody got mad over this article chill your balls guys we're all bros here
i don't understand how anybody got mad over this article chill your balls guys we're all bros here
i don't understand how anybody got mad over this article chill your balls guys we're all bros here
Yeah the ankle socks thing must be a joke. Granted you don't wear white socks with topsiders, but on those rare occasions that necessitate gray new balances or golf shoes, well I don't see anything wrong with them, especially considering tennis socks that go up mid calf really suck ass.
mid calfs are the greatest socks ever i don't know what you're talking about bros and toes
fuck you bros and toes You suck ass
Why the hate on the southern bros and being gentleman to the ladies......I didnt know opening a door for a lady could get me banned from the website. I mean seriously thats how u start the night off with her, be gentleman like and slowly work your way into her pants.
mid-calf>>>>>ankle socks
Granted I agree with "The Southern Preppy Bro" stereotype you've got a errors here that make the southern bro not a bro.Legitimate southern bros would never do, wear, or say the following unless they are a fratstar in a sub-par fraternity:
First and Foremost- what third tier frat is the picture taken of? The ladies are not sratty or in a sub-par srat because they are not wearing dresses, but in fact blue jeans. Unacceptable at southern schools if a girl isn't of good social standing.
1. Go to The University of Tennesee
2. wear topsiders (aka sperry or some other sub-par type show). Cole Haans are the loafers of choice, and any srat star would judge a bro for his wearing of "topsiders"
3. when you say "shades" you frat goggles which typically means costas, ray bans, or polarized lensed sunglasses acceptable for fishing in the gulf
4. Lacoste, forget it. Southern Tide, Southern Proper, and Brooks Brothers are the only acceptable golf shirts. Polo is debatable.
5. Lobster pants, those are from J.Crew. unacceptable. Bulldog, Elephant, or whatever the team mascot only if it's gameday. Otherwise wranglers or khakis are standard.
Lastly, Kenny Chesney again sub-par. Try Garth or Hank Williams next time.
I agree with M. Chillson, the Southern Preppy Bro seems to completely describe the New England Bro who originates on the coast of CT,MA, and Maine, excluding all the racism in the south.
Who can say that ankle socks/mid calfs are not for bros, the ultimate bro is an avid supporter for such socks:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqg01Nk3SYI
I disagree with FRAT about topsiders. I go to school in South Carolina...Every bro wears topsiders and Vineyard Vines and Polo are also a very acceptable. Older men who may once have been bros where Cole Haans. But frat goggles is entirely accurate. Any bro knows that Coastas or Ray Bans are the only acceptable eye wear.
sry costas*
I gotta say ESPN analyst Todd McChay has gotta be one of the best nicknames I've seen on this site.
Socks in topsiders is fucking comfortable and keeps me warm. The problem with the southern preppy bro is that 65% of the time theyre from baltimore/bethesda, boston, or a nyc suburb and think that by going to a school in the south (IE any sec school, clemson, duke, tulane...) they need to wear that bullshit --and these are fake bros.
The other problem is that there's no chance that these southern bros are playing FIFA.
Yea and 76% of statistics are made up so you can refrain from the blasphemy of saying that the majority of SPBs are yanks because its simply not true. And as a SPB i can attest to the fact that there are numerous bros who play FIFA, and even soccer in general.
As a SPB I a am very disappointed with this post as a South Carolina man. It all comes down to the basics.
1. You like to drink hard with like minded bros
2. Know that Hank, Garth, and Strait are always a good choice
3. Know that fishin and huntin is a necesity and is complemented well will PBR.
4. Accent it doesn't matter what part of the south you are from the drawl is crucial.
5. And you like gettin down with southern belles.
Any self respecting southern bro will tell you the same.
There are no bro's who originate in maine. the only new england bros come from ct and vacation in all those other places
NYB you need to do one of these on the So Flo Bro (south florida bro)
@FRAT, saying shit like 4. Lacoste, forget it. Southern Tide, Southern Proper, and Brooks Brothers are the only acceptable golf shirts. Polo is debatable.
...do you live in the south? Sorry for the update champ but everyone wears Polo and Lacoste down here.
No bro wears a sports coat to a tailgate. Maybe a white oxford and tie as a pledge, but once initiated gameday shirt and khaki shorts an inch above the knee.
and NYB does need to do a So Flo Bro article
this is brilliant. and so fucking true.
Scott Bro sius here. How anyone (Chuck D) could call baseball un-bro is beyond me. As said- that is our national fuckin pastime, and baseball players are generally as bro as it gets. so Chuck you bro hater, take that hard rubber lacrosse ball you play with and shove it up your ass, im sure it'll fit you faggot.
BroRob, do you go to Tulane or some other guido school that tries to disguise itself as being Southern solely due to its unfortunate location? The last time I saw a dude- note he is not qualified as a "bro"- on campus wearing a Lacoste shirt, he was walking so bow-legged it was obvious he had done some receiving the night before.
moderately accurate. some mess ups though.
1) SPB's don't wear lobster pants. Thats Trying to Hard which is worse than anything else. They don't dress up (blazer and tie) after pledgeship. ties are for the pledges
2) whoever said the comment about UT is dead on. UT sucks. those kids suck. UGA, Bama, Ole Miss are the top three there are some others, like USC, that are decent
3) Cole Haans is dead on too. Topsiders are for poors
4) Lacoste is for gays now and Polo is turning african, but all the new "southern-insert "fratty" reference here" clothing is new-money bullshit. BB, patagonia button downs, and golf course polos. etc. are acceptable
5)SPB's wear what the fuck they want, b/c if they or their mother bought it, its in good taste.
6) Chesney is a fag. so is Dave Matthews. Panic, Strait, Talking Heads etc. are the tunes
other than that, spot on.
Ole Miss, with the exception of the bro-hating cops, is the most bro school of all time. Hottest Girls and Great Parties
http://www.popcrunch.com/hottest-student-bodies-2009-the-50-best-college...
dude are you kidding me bros in the south dont play fifa? In Texas its the khaki shorts(wrangler jeans also acceptable) and polo, possibly a polo representing your school, ralph lauren or baseball cap w/ your school on it, costas and croakies... and lots of beer and bras
we definitely do not wish to be new englanders. fuck all you haters. Go Vols!
you guys are all fucking gay
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