Just when you think to yourself that the world can't possibly take a turn for the worse, Obama wins the fucking Noble Prize for being able to wipe his own ass and now the New York State Liquor Authority (SLA) is seeking to basically prohibit the playing of beer pong in New York City bars. This just in, apparently playing beer pong causes people to drink excessively. Go figure.

According to Grub Street, the SLA argues that beer pong encourages people to drink without limits. Well, that makes sense because last time I was out I didn't even play beer pong but I realized my limit. Once the bouncer escorted me out for pissing on the bar, and another patron's shin, I knew it was about time to leave.

(By the way, the technical reason for the ban, according to Grub Street, is that the SLA's law "not only ... ban open-bar specials, but it also bans cheap-drink specials that amount to an open bar in the Authority's eyes. Bars are usually not allowed to discount drinks more than half off their usual price.")

Do these assholes realize that this isn't the fucking 1950s? No bartender is going to cut someone off and they certainly aren't counting how many drinks people order. The only way to get cut-off is to do something to get kicked out. Bottom line.

What are these dumb fucks going to do next, outlaw booze altogether? The SLA doesn't quite understand that you cannot shackle our need to compete and drink at the same time. We are fucking men, we even play Madden with drinking implications -- a beer per touchdown.

In the short-term we need a solution. If beer pong is on the outs, what should these bars that thrive on these games do next? I propose flip-cup tournaments using shot glasses and Jameson. Everyone will quickly find out their "limit" and the bar will gain notoriety for setting the record for most hospital visits in one night.