I Take Viagra, and So Should You

[inline:viagra]For years, I had kept my distance. Skeptical of their necessity in my life and unsure of why I would ever want to take something that would produce a boner that lasted longer than most of my relationships. As it turns out, my skepticism was founded on why I didn't need them, when I ought to have been focusing on why I should have wanted them. I realized this foolishness once a close friend raved about his own personal experience with Viagra. He too did not suffer from dick dysfunction, but he took them because they enhanced not only his erection, but his performance as well. After our conversation, I decided to throw caution to the wind and see what all the rage was about. The very next weekend, when the opportunity was ripe, I poured myself some water, and I swallowed my first Viagra. In retrospect, I wish I drank a full gallon of water, because I proceeded to have the most dehydrating fuck-session of my young life. We went at it -- and by "we" I mean, me and this brassy dame I brought home that evening -- for nearly two hours. By the end of it, she spoke with a lisp and I drizzled so much man-icing on her face that it looked like goddamn Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. As for me, I was parched and staggering from all the fluid loss, but what had just occurred was a thing of beauty, and I was hooked. For most of us, until we turn 50 years old and start suffering from a wrinkly, old scrotum, we will never possess the physical need to use Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis. Does that mean we shouldn't, though? Medically, I don't know that answer. But if all we are really worried about is our heart potentially exploding while we're balls deep in some broad, then I say, "bring it on!" I know I'd take my chances at having a stroke if it meant I can launch out an 8-roper covering some girls face and her belongings in my DNA. That's the American dream.

[inline:waff]When male enhancement pills first hit the scene, they were met with resistance and they were only intended and prescribed to elderly men suffering from a limp dick. In the beginning, it was embarrassing to admit you had to take them, and very few men under the age of 40 had the balls to even try them. But as the years have progressed and the fear mongering has subsided, bros of all ages have been tossing them back without even blinking an eye. The side-effects seem to be minor enough and the upside is looking like a complete superstar in bed -- assuming you are cock savvy and can handle a woman. But don't take my word for it; see what a few other real bros had to say about their experiences with and opinions about male enhancement medication. Continuously referring to his testicles as "Bee Bop and Rock Steady," throughout our conversation, J.R. from Philadelphia had this to say: "There are three reasons why I love these drugs: One, my dick gets harder and 'possibly' bigger. When you're an average man, like myself, you will take every little bit you can get -- even if it is just a mental edge. Secondly, I'll never have an "I swear that's never happened to me before" moment with a random girl. I once contemplated breaking a girls jaw via blunt force trauma for telling everyone at a friend's party that I had stage fright. And finally, a stiff breeze gets you aroused. I think a big misconception about these drugs is that you walk around with a raging boner the whole day. Not the case at all. But be warned, because any little thing that could possibly arouse you will. Word of advice; unless you enjoy getting a stiffy in front of 300 strangers, most of which are male, avoid the stationary bike at your local gym." A.C. from Chicago candidly gushed, "Taking Cialis gives me boners memorable of my adolescent years. My cock gets harder than a diamond and I can pillage pussy like I'm drilling for oil. Only take half a pill, or your cock might explode at the head. Oh, and did I mention the 5-pulse that feels like your dick is wringing out a wet rag? The award for best drug ever goes to Eli Lilly." J.L. from New York has a motto about Viagra: "Set it and Forget it." Although I think that his mantra is copyrighted by some rotisserie grill, he went on to say, "Whether you're spicing up a dance floor make-out sesh, purchasing erection insurance in pill form, or simply trying to be hard for the entire weekend, it seems bros across the United States are raiding their grandpa's medicine cabinet in search of America's fastest growing drugs." And finally, when I asked P.S. from Virginia about his experiences, he said, "I'd say more than anything, it keeps your eye on the prize. Because when you've popped the blue beauty (Viagra), you've committed yourself to sticking it 5-hole somewhere. After all, you're not going to put on game day eye black and then be too lazy to walk out on the field; just like you're not going to pop Viagra and rage bone while you go for a blunt ride with your bros. It forces you to stay focused; like studying on Adderall or pumping iron on steroids." He continued, "It's also great to combat coke dick and it's the most amazing confidence booster, especially for the bro who starts to get queasy when he feels a load creeping up 40 seconds into a fuck session. With Viagra, he can unleash his kids everywhere and still have the confidence that he's going to be able to punish for another 45 minutes." I'd like to personally thank the above gentlemen for their exhausting personal research. Your experimentation -- all for the sake of science, I'm sure -- will help bros far and wide decide whether having longer, harder and more satisfying sex is right for them. So there you have it, folks. Sure you probably don't need to take male enhancement pills, but in my opinion, you'd be a fucking fool not to. (Note: It is worth mentioning that unless you have chronic erectile dysfunction or for some strange reason, yearn to have it, limiting your intake of these pills is probably within your best interest. We don't have a resident physician on staff, so check with your doctor before you swap out your multi-vitamin for a daily dosage of hard-cock in a bottle.)