The Top 20 Colleges to Attend for At Least One Semester

[inline:waffles]In lieu of GQ taking a hot dump in the mouths of 25 schools, calling them "douchey," we here at BroBible wanted to do the exact opposite of those dickbeards and celebrate some of the best institutions of higher learning in this country. Every college or university in this great nation has something unique to offer; from the important stuff like raging parties and hot, skanky broads, to the trivial matters like education and philanthropy. So when we made our list, we decided to remove the insignificant altogether and base our selections on quality of women, party scene, presence of STDs, athletic successes, off-campus night life, and geographical location. Now would also be a good time to apologize to anyone who goes to school in Idaho, Montana, Iowa, either of the Dakotas, or any other school in a state not listed below. The fact is, your states fucking suck and you should really consider transferring and start making better decisions with your life.

In a perfect world, the male college experience would span 10 years -- that is how long it takes a man's brain to mature -- and we would get to spend each semester over the course of those years at a new school. Sure, if college lasted that long we'd probably be dead from liver disease and dickless from all the unprotected sex, but fuck it, we're renegades.

One semester is a perfect amount of time to acclimate yourself with your new city, scope out and drill an array of hot chicks, and make one hell of a reputation for yourself. Our dreamy scenario is sort of like "Van Wilder," but on steroids. Below is a list of the Top 20 schools that we would attend if we could do it all over again, one drunken, sex-filled semester at a time. [inline:ut]

Year 1, Fall Semester: University of Texas Sixth Street is a great area to hangout and an ideal scene for getting completely wasted. A vast majority of the females in the student body are from Texas and Texas girls like to get down and dirty. So leave your condoms, morals, and hand sanitizer at home and get ready to raw-dog an asshole or two.

Year 1, Spring Semester: Indiana With hot chicks, crazy parties, and a world-renowned basketball program, it's no wonder that Playboy and Princeton Review has rated IU the #1 party school. Having a top business program doesn't hurt either -- if you're into that sort of thing. We're not.

Year 2, Fall Semester: University of Southern California USC would have made this list based on their football team's achievements alone but having an attractive student body and being minutes away from Hermosa Beach sealed its fate. Plus the mascot is a fucking condom. What's that? Their mascot isn't a condom? Well, fuck me then.

Year 2, Spring Semester: Southern Methodist University The football team is the laughing stock of college football, but the school has hot, rich girls that wear minimal clothing and love to tea bag a nice set of semen-filled balls.

Year 3, Fall Semester: Penn State University With over 83,000 students enrolled you'd have to try NOT to get laid. If you couldn't fuck a lioness you'd either have to be the loser to end all losers or the ugliest fuckin' creature to ever roam the earth. On top of having twat galore, Happy Valley is a nut house during football season.

Year 3, Spring Semester: UNLV Go here after your 21, hammer a different prostitute each night, develop a cocaine dependency, and piss your parent's nest egg away on the Strip.

Year 4, Fall Semester: University of Miami House parties at Miami suck a big dick but the off-campus party scene is insane, the girls are dead sexy (especially the older women in the city), and South Beach is a fucking three-ring circus 365 days a year.

Year 4, Spring Semester: Miami of Ohio The "other" Miami knows how to throw a house party. According to one alum, house parties never have a cover charge and they have several near-campus beer delivery services. No better way to ensure that the student body is always well hydrated and in the perfect state of mind to make naughty decisions. [inline:badger]

Year 5, Fall Semester: University of Wisconsin Cheese, football, cold weather, huge tits, badgers, beavers, STDs, and a bicycle built for two. How the fuck could you go wrong?

Year 5, Spring Semester: University of North Carolina The Tar Heels are perennial powerhouse in basketball so plan to be there for the 2nd semester so you can hopefully celebrate a national title. Another selling point is that Tyler Hansbrough has also left the school. That alone is probably the reason why GQ chose Duke as the Tobacco Road douches instead of UNC.

Year 6, Fall Semester: University of Florida UF is great if you like winning at football, basketball, and inflicting vaginal terror on hot sorority girls. It's also great if you like consuming massive amounts of cheap beer. A recent alum tells us that the best spot in town is the Grog House. Get there early as beer pitchers start at 25 cents and go up 25 cents every 30 minutes. Authors Note: I do not know if this still exists. My source was drunk at the time of this conversation. Sucks for you if it doesn't.

Year 6, Spring Semester: University of Colorado at Boulder Ski the snow capped mountains during the day, discover mountains topped with areolas at night, and enjoy a few Coors Lights and bong hits out on the quad while you give your buddies all the exaggerated details of your conquests the next day.

Year 7, Fall Semester: Pepperdine University You can argue that it is a Christian university, but it is located on the beach in Malibu, California, and in our perfect scenario you're only going to be there for one semester. So fuck everything that moves and perfect the art of sacrilegious conduct.

Year 7, Spring Semester: University of California at Santa Barbra Go here once you get kicked out of Pepperdine for breaking every sacrament and setting the record for the most broken hymens in a semester. This school has to be legit, since the students at UCSB claim the letters mean "U Can Study Buzzed." Oh yeah, and having their very own beach doesn't hurt either -- unless you are a freakish albino.

Year 8, Fall Semester: Syracuse University An inside source told us that the girls have zero morals and they are looser than my stool after a gallon of milk. On top of that, the sex life of a fraternity man at Syracuse is better than that of their Division-I athletes and the classes are a fucking joke because everyone reads at a 5th grade-level.

[inline:tulane]Year 8, Spring Semester: Tulane University Did you know that they get their nickname -- Green Wave -- from all the genital fungus that is acquired at Mardi Gras? Apparently, when everyone comes back from Mardi Gras it's like a green wave of moldy crotches. Attend this charming university in the 2nd semester so you can roll with the fungal tides.

Year 9, Fall Semester: University of Georgia Southern belles and a smash mouth football team should be all the reason to come to UGA. One pitfall of the school, however, is that all male students are required to have bangs covering their forehead. I would check with the admissions office, though.

Year 9, Spring Semester: University of Hawaii There is a reason that people spend their honeymoons here; it's fucking paradise. On top of the gorgeous weather, you will be surrounded by thousands of sexy Polynesian women. I'm not even asleep right now and there is a strong chance that I might have a wet dream just thinking about that.

Year 10, Fall Semester: Arizona State University Is there any better way to cool off from the dry, unbearable dessert heat than taking a swim in a girl's moist vagina? ASU has always been pretty average when it comes to athletics but they certainly do excel at having gorgeous girls frolicking around their campus.

Year 10, Spring Semester: Harvard This is only on the list because saying you graduated from Harvard sounds cool. You know what else is cool? Marrying into money, that's what. Go here in the last semester of your 10th year (you'll be 28 by then) and knock up a girl whose daddy is a prominent CEO. Hello easy street!